Broken
by orangeyhairedimmortal
Summary: Edward has been missing for almost a year. The only thing Roy had was Ed's pocket watch and the horrible memory that Al was gone. When they finally find the man who the Elrics were investigating, they find out some disturbing things of Edward's whereabouts. Ones that could break a man. When they find him, can they even put him back together?
1. Chapter 1

**it's pronounced beige, like the color. you'll see. and it's edward's turn now.**

* * *

Roy drank down the last of his beer and looked at the pocket watch in his hand. It wasn't his, but Edward Elric's. It was the only thing his team had found when they went to go find out what had happened to him and Alphonse. He had sent the Elrics on a mission and he only heard from Edward from an outside line with an ominous message saying, _"Colonel, I don't think I'll make it back."_ and the line had gone dead, as if cut. As soon as Roy realized that something was wrong, he and his team went to the place that Roy has sent them, only to find Edward's pocket watch… and Alphonse's armor with the blood seal scratched away.

That had been the most horrifying part of the find to Roy, knowing that poor Alphonse had been literally scratched out of existence. The other thing that nagged at him and haunted Roy every night since then was wondering if Edward even knew about it. Whenever they found him –and they _would_ \- would he have to tell him that Alphonse was dead? Or did he already know?

He wasn't sure which was worse…

"Colonel."

Roy looked up as Riza slid beside him at the bar.

"How many is that for you?" she said, motioning to the beer.

"Three, I believe."

"You need to stop dwelling on it. We're doing everything we can."

"That's not good enough. It's been almost a year! I just need to know if he's alive or dead; that's all. I want solid proof of one of those things."

Riza frowned at him. "Depending on the state he's in, you know that it could be impossible to dictate even that."

Roy knew she was implying Edward's mental state, if he had one still. Hopefully he was fighting tooth and nail like he always did, being a smart ass and driving his assailants crazy. Maybe after a year of back talk, they would abandon him at a train station. He knew that wasn't true though and gripped the pocket watch.

"I won't rest until he is found. I gave them that mission and I caused Alphonse's death… Edward _needs_ to be found."

Riza put her hands on her superior's, comforting him as best as she could. She was anxious about Edward as well but Roy _had_ to keep a level head.

"We're doing everything in our power-"

"Got a call for a Colonel Roy Mustang?" the bartender said, holding up the phone on the wall.

"That's me." He said with a confused look. The bartender handed him the phone as he looked at Riza. "Colonel Mustang speaking."

"Colonel, we have some news about Edward." Jean said on the other line. Roy sat up straight. "I thought you'd want to discuss this in private."

"I'm on my way." He handed the phone back to the bartender and turned to Riza. "Havoc just said that he got some information on Edward. Let's go."

Riza nodded and they left.

* * *

When Roy got in, Jean stood up.

"You said you had some news?" Roy asked, trying not to sound desperate.

"Yes, that man that you sent the Elrics after has been found and brought into custody by the Amestris police. The chief called us to let us know they had him since he knew we had been trying to find him in regards to Edward. They said we could go down there and interrogate him about Ed's whereabouts."

Roy's eyes seemed to come alive with the thoughts of getting more information on his missing subordinate after so long in the dark.

"Hawkeye, you're with me."

"Of course, sir."

* * *

Roy entered the interrogation room with the man he had sent the Elrics to investigate, an alchemist by the name of Beje Copplestone. He had been accused of doing some unsavory acts with his alchemy and since he was also a soldier, the military was involved since he was not a registered State Alchemist. Because of that, he proved especially suspicious.

Beje looked at Roy and grinned at him.

"Well, if it isn't Colonel Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist himself. It's a pleasure and an honor."

"Save it, Copplestone. I want to know where Edward Elric is."

"Elric… Elric… Hmmm… Name doesn't ring any bells. What did he look like?"

Roy's patience was already thin and this guy tore right through it. Roy grabbed Beje by the collar and began to shake him.

"I don't have time for your bullshit, Copplestone! You _know_ who Edward Elric is and you know _where_ he is. Now tell me where to find him or I will send you to Hell already used to the flames."

Beje was undeterred and only laughed at Roy.

"He was right about you. He said you would blow a gasket on me…"

"So help me-"

"Cool your gloves, hot pants. I'll tell you the last place I saw him at."

"Last place you… What do you mean? Why don't _you_ have him?"

"I sold him."

"Sold… him…" Roy said, not believing the words. He shook Beje again. "You _sold him_?!"

"Of course, he was no longer useful to me."

An unusual calm suddenly settled over Roy and he let go of Beje's shirt, sitting back down across from him. He needed all the details in order to track Edward down and for some reason, whatever calmness had taken over, it allowed him to be given the details without a cloudy, angry mind.

"Tell me what happened and why you sold Edward Elric." He asked calmly.

Beje smiled brightly. "Wow! You're amazing! How did you just collect yourself like that?"

"Believe me, it's an act of God."

"Huh… Anyway, so I was doing some experimentation on that kid when some thieves broke into my lab. I'm a scientist as well, I hope you know." Roy just glared at him. "Anyway, he had just drank my newest alchemically altering serum when those thieves came in and they wanted me to hand over my research notes for their boss or something. When I refused to do so, they asked me if that kid was part of any of my experiments. I told them he was and so they knocked me out and took him. The last thing I remember from that night was them doing something to that suit of armor. The kid screamed bloody murder and I blacked out."

Roy sighed in relief and sadness. At least Edward knew of Alphonse's fate but it still didn't help on Edward's whereabouts.

"You said that you sold him. It sounds like someone took him."

"Ah, they did take him, but then, oddly enough, they brought him back. Said he wasn't worth the trouble they thought. They did, however, rob me of my notes. That being said, when they gave him back to me, he had been so traumatized by the demise of his brother that he wouldn't take anything from me. He refused to eat or drink and wouldn't even let me turn him back to normal."

"Back to normal? What do you mean?"

"I turned him into a little kid. About four or five years old?"

"For what purpose?" Roy growled, trying to contain his anger even more.

"Just to see if the experiment worked. You see, I had kidnapped the boys and then used the human one to just make sure my experiments worked. I was planning on letting them take me in but I just wanted to see if my hard work had paid off. Then, when I was testing the regression formula I made, that's when he got stolen. I tried to give him the reverse serum to change him back but he wouldn't take it and then at one point he knocked it out of my hand. Since my research was stolen, I couldn't make another batch and I can't do experiments on a little kid like that, so... I sold him. He was pretty useless to me… I sold him on the black market. He was sold for a pretty penny too since he has that strange hair and eyes and stuff."

"How long ago did you do that?"

"Pssht, hell if I know. Probably at the beginning of the year since that's when he got a hold of the telephone without my knowing and called you nice folks in. Luckily, those thieves came before you did!"

Roy's patience was thinning again.

"Do you know where they may have been heading?"

"Sorry, couldn't say. Once they paid me, the kid was no longer mine and was no longer any of my business."

Roy finally punched Beje in the face as hard as he could and then breathed in. He walked out of the interrogation room where Riza was waiting for him and looked at him expectantly.

"Well?"

"I need everyone to be on the lookout for Edward… but we need to make sure we are looking for the right one… It seems that Edward would look the age of a four or five year old boy now."

Riza gasped as Roy went to the chief of police.

"I need you to find all the files you can on any child slavery or anything of the sort."

"Child slavery, sir?" Riza asked, trying not to look as frightened as she felt.

"That bastard sold Edward on the black market and most likely he is either with a slave trader, a fight club, or a child labor camp. I need information now!"

The chief nodded as he directed his officers to look up any files they knew of and Roy breathed in with new vigor. _I'm coming for you, Edward… Don't give up yet._

* * *

 **so even though this is a regression story, it won't be like backwards. it will be very different. and don't hate me for killing alphonse.**


	2. Chapter 2

**i haven't had hughes involved in a story for a while! it's not that i forget him, i just... kind a of do. but i think he was needed in this story so, yay for the return of hughes!**

* * *

Another few months of searching all over Amestris when by for some sort of sign of Edward's whereabouts and they were still not successful. Roy was really starting to doubt himself as an officer. The guilt was taking over him every day and Edward was still out there all alone, not even in his own body. He probably wasn't even in his right _mind_. Riza was so worried about Roy that she asked Maes to help her figure out a way to keep Roy from obsessing over the issue.

* * *

"You know how Roy is, Hawkeye. Ed is one of his and he's very possessive over his things. Not knowing is the worst part about everything."

"I know that but…"

Maes understood that it was hard for Riza to see her superior going past the point of loyalty and into obsession. He was determined and obsessed. He wouldn't rest until Edward's true whereabouts were found or a body was found.

They were just about to cross the street when a hay truck stopped in their path. Maes had pulled Riza back just in time before she had gotten ran over by it by being so lost in thought. Riza was still lost in thought as she looked over at the loose hay that was in the back of the truck when she thought she saw a little face peeking out of the hay. She shook her head and blinked a little and looked back at it. She was definite now. There _was_ a face in the hay and it was staring straight at her.

"Hughes, that hay truck is hauling people underneath that hay!" she yelled, running after the truck when it began to take off.

Maes was right behind her, mostly running after her than the truck as Riza ran after it. As she got slightly closer to it, the face moved to show a head and shoulders and an arm that was reaching out of the back towards her.

It was Edward.

"Edward?! EDWARD!" Riza screamed, racing after the truck and holding out her hands as far as they would go.

Edward didn't yell back at her but she could tell he was trying to reach as much as he could as well. The truck was speeding up as it left the traffic of the city but it didn't stop Riza from chasing it as quickly as she could. At one point it stopped at a stop sign and Riza thought she could make it, that she was almost there, but it took off too quickly and left her choking on the fumes.

Coughing, Riza fell to her knees in horror as she watched the truck zoom away and another large hand grabbed Edward's face, pulling him back into the hay. Maes finally caught up with her, breathing heavily as he leaned on his knees.

"Are you alright?" he asked her.

"That was Edward… I know it was him. He was in the back of that truck…"

Maes looked at her in worry and picked her up from the street.

"Hawkeye, it was just a hay truck. There was nothing in it. You're delusional. Have you slept any?"

Riza looked at Maes as he stared at her and she shook her head.

"If Roy doesn't sleep then neither can I. I have to protect him."

"No… you don't… Riza, look at me." She did and Maes hugged her tight. "You need rest just like your superior does. I'm taking you home and then I'm going to go and yell at him for being so hard on you."

Riza left with him but looked back at the road leading out of the city. She knew what she saw… she just _knew_ it.

* * *

"Roy, you have to let this go. It's been a year and three months. Now that Riza told you about the hay incident, you've got the police force checking out every hay truck that leaves the city and still no one has seen any people –children or otherwise- being smuggled away. You caused your subordinate to get inadequate hours of sleep and she hallucinated seeing Edward in the hay. Do you hear me, Roy? _Hallucinated_. There's no truth in it. _Let it go_."

Roy glared angrily at his friend.

"If this were your little Elysia, would _you_ let it go?" he snarled at him.

Maes knew that Roy would use that as a turnaround as soon as the words had left his mouth but he also knew what he was going to say in response to it.

"In my heart, no, I would never let it go. But after all of my fruitless efforts and empty investigations, yes, I would finally give up. You're not getting anywhere, Roy; that's the problem. Granted, when we found Copplestone, we got a good tidbit from him that we hadn't been able to get but so far we have yet to find an active child slavery ring or anything else."

"It's because we need to go undercover in the shady parts of the city. You can't catch an illegal secret if you're the law. If we go undercover-"

"Are you _listening_ to yourself? Go undercover? What the hell will that do? We have no leads on who could send us to where we need to go and even if we did, when Edward's not there, then what? Try to find another? You can't do that, Roy! I just sent Riza home and now I'm going to tell you the same thing: go home. Get some sleep."

"I'm fine."

"You look like you lost a bet in your undercover scheme that isn't going to happen. You look like hell. You started not sleeping well when we finally found Alphonse… Speaking of which… Wait, is _that_ why you don't go home?" Roy didn't say anything as Maes' eyes grew wider. "You… you have Alphonse's armor in your house, don't you?"

Roy was still silent as he laced his fingers in front of him.

Maes slammed his hands on the desk, standing up as his anger reached an all time high that Roy had never seen it.

"You mean to tell me that you brought his _body_ to your _house_?! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?!" he screamed.

Roy was calm and only blinked at his friend.

"Edward should say goodbye."

The answer was so simple and innocent that Maes sat back down in total disbelief. Roy was so calm about it, not seeing how odd it was. Even though it wasn't a real 'body', the armor was a semblance of what was supposed to be one.

"Oh Roy… Roy, Roy, Roy…" he said, shaking his head in disbelief.

"I'm not crazy." Roy said, knowing that was what Maes was thinking.

Maes quickly looked up and Roy locked eyes with him, wanting him to see that he was perfectly sane.

"The last thing Edward saw was his little brother brutally "murdered" by bandits. They scratched the blood seal away as Edward had to listen to Alphonse's terror filled screams. Do you not think he would like to say goodbye? Say he's sorry? All the things that Fullmetal would usually do? It's no different than a mausoleum or a picture. It's unorthodox and a bit macabre, but Edward would _want_ to see that armor. And if we find out that… that Edward is also dead, would it not be honorable to bury the brothers together? Am I wrong, Hughes?"

Maes took off his glasses and pinched his nose. Roy was right but it was still very wrong.

"I see your point, I really do, but you it's still wrong."

"I don't go there because the next time I see that armor, I want to have an answer for it."

Maes nodded. "You still need to sleep. Come to my house, we have an extra bedroom. If you don't get any sleep then you will only make the investigation harder by messing things up. _Please_ , as your friend, listen to me."

Roy nodded and decided that he would spend the night at Maes' home.

* * *

Maes, as usual, was correct and after a couple of nights actually sleeping, Roy was much more focused and alert. As the clouds of sleep lifted away, so did silly theories. Roy still didn't dismiss Riza's testimony of seeing Edward in the back of a hay truck because that is a definitely possibility of smuggling. They probably stopped doing it because of the spectacle that Riza made of it by chasing the truck down.

As Roy pondered some more theories while he tried to go to sleep, he played with Edward's pocket watch in his hand. He was letting it dangle in front of him and swinging it a little, letting it twist and turn and go like a pendulum. He knew that Edward was out there.

"Where are you?" he asked the watch.

Then he frowned at it for a second, grabbing it, and trying to pry it open. Roy had done it before but every time he closed the watch back, the alchemy Edward had used to seal it seemed to come back into play. Roy suspected there was a tiny transmutation circle somewhere to make it do that. He had to have been missing something because the watch was important to Edward. He would have just left that behind without a clue.

But Roy had opened it before and there had been nothing in it but a date because he had the same theory back in the beginning. He finally got the watch open and looked at it carefully, scrutinizing it. The room was silent as he tried to figure out what to do. _Silent?_ he said in his head when he looked at the hands of the watch. They were not moving. He smiled a little and found a way to undo the facing of the watch. When he finally got it open, he pulled the facing off and found a small note in the gears.

With trembling hands he picked the note out and unfolded it.

 _Yellow skin_

 _Black coins_

 _Red women_

 _Gold features_

 _Copper stone_

 _Brown grains_

Roy turned his head at the note but he got up quickly.

* * *

Roy shook Hughes awake with a lot of force, making Maes wake up crankily.

"Roy? What are you doing?! You should be asleep!" he hissed.

"I found something. You have to see this."

Maes groaned but grabbed his glasses and got out of bed. He just didn't want Roy to wake up Gracia. As he got to the living room, he yawned and sat next to Roy. Roy put the paper on the table.

"This was behind the facing of Edward's watch."

"You didn't think to do that a year ago?" Maes asked, crossing his arms.

"I had opened it but I was so caught up in finding Edward that I didn't think _about_ Edward."

"What do you mean? You're talking in riddles."

"Fullmetal, even on the verge of an emotional breakdown, could still miraculously do the impossible. Think about it: in the midst of transmuting his mother, he lost his leg and his brother. But, through all the pain and agony, he had the mind to think of putting a blood seal on a suit of armor and pulled his brother's soul back to him. That's not normal. Now, wich that being said, Edward –even in the midst of whatever may have come to him- would have had the soundness of mind to leave us a clue. The clue was in this watch. But why?"

"Because he gave us a blood seal."

Roy hit the paper.

"The blood seal."

Maes picked up the paper and looked over it.

"It has to be a code. Don't alchemists write in code?"

" _Exactly_! We just have to find out what they mean and he will tell us where he is. Right? Please tell me it's a start, Hughes. _Please_ tell me that if we did a little more digging that we could find him once and for all."

Maes looked at the list. He knew a code when he saw one but the hardest part about codes is cracking them. This one didn't look that complicated.

"Yes, Roy, this definitely could lead us somewhere."

* * *

 **1) was what riza saw a hallucination or real?**

 **2) what do you guys think the note means?**

 **hope it was alright, toodles!**


	3. Chapter 3

"I got one answer already. This one, 'copper stones'. That is definitely Copplestone." Havoc said, pointing at the words.

"But we already talked to him and he was not helpful. Anyone else?" Roy asked.

"'Gold features'. Maybe it's referring to Ed. His hair and eyes are gold." Breda said.

"Well of _course_ it's referring to him. That's why he left the note." Roy growled.

Breda made a face. "I meant that it was referring to his features being unique. Not many people have them."

"Gold as in precious metal, but also his hair and eye colors, so a feature, right?" Riza said.

"Yes, that's what I meant. Didn't you say that Copplestone sold Edward for a pretty penny due to his unique hair and eyes?"

Roy snapped his fingers. "'Black coins' = black market! So Copplestone really did sell him on the black market… But how would he have known that since we found the watch before he was sold?"

"Maybe Copplestone lied." Everyone looked at Maes as he adjusted his glasses. "After all, he kidnapped an officer of the army and his brother and did illegal experiments on him, then sold him on the black market. What makes you think that he would tell you the truth?"

Roy's eyes widened and he stood up, grabbing his coat.

"Hawkeye! Hughes!" he yelled.

"Yes, sir!"

"Havoc, Breda, Fuery, you keep trying to decipher the rest."

"Yes sir!"

* * *

Roy sat in the interrogation room waiting for Beje to be brought in when the door opened. Upon seeing Roy, Beje grinned big and was slammed into the seat across from Roy.

"Roy-boy! You came the visit!"

Roy kicked the chair from underneath Beje, making him whack his chin on the table as he fell. Roy got up and grabbed the seat, pulling Beje up by the hair.

" _No one_ calls me Roy-boy. Got it?"

"Loud and clear buddy."

Roy sat him back in the chair as Beje pushed his red hair out of his face.

"Well, there has to be a nickname I can give you. Colonel is so uppity and Mustang is too condescending. Musty just sounds… dumb and just plain Roy is _way_ too informal."

Roy eyed him and he stopped talking. He seemed to get serious and sat up straight.

"You wanted something from me?" Beje asked.

"The truth about Edward Elric. You said he was stolen and then was sold. That can't be true because we found a clue in the fog watch we found and he tells us in code that you were _already_ planning to sell him on the black market. Tell me the real story, Copplestone."

Beje sighed and leaned forward.

"When I said I didn't know where they were going, that was true. I've worked with the black market guys before and when they saw your boy, they wanted him. I told them he was my personal experiment and they couldn't have him. I really had just used my regression formula on him and had just been ready to turn him back when they came. They snatched him up and began to destroy my serums. Then the armor kid got up and went after his brother. He was able to get the kid away when one of the men got on top of the armor and pulled off his helmet. They must have had some deep knowledge of alchemy because as soon as they saw the blood seal in the armor, they immediately knew what it was and began to scrape it away.

"That part was a little strange… how well they knew alchemy… When they finally scraped that poor kid out of existence and he was finally dead, they said they would pay a pretty penny for the kid. There was nothing else that I could do and I realized that they were going to use his body –in more ways than one. So… I acted quickly."

"The way that this story is unfolding sounds like you're saying that _you're_ the hero in this."

Beje turned his head a little.

"Well, wouldn't that be the irony on the cake? I sell black market items but I do not sell children."

"Then why did you say that you did the first time?"

"Would you have believed me if I had said otherwise?" Roy didn't say anything. "Yeah, didn't think so."

"Back to your story?"

"Anyway, I don't deal with child slavery but they were either going to take him in whole or in pieces. They'd already broken his mind to pieces… I convinced them to let me freshen him up a little before they took him. They agreed and I took him back into the house. I thought for sure that he would be grieving, completely shaken, but he wasn't anything near grieving. He was irate; there was an anger in his eyes that was something even the devil would run away from. I told him that I was sorry about what I would have to do. He punched me in the face and then with angry tears in his eyes, he asked to call you. He said that he believed me when I explained that I wouldn't hurt him or his brother so long as he tested my experiments out for me when they first came to get me.

"So, he called you and then I snipped the line so that you would know things were bad. He said that he would leave clues for you to find him. When the men paid me, I followed after the truck that he was taken in when he threw his watch out the back of the truck. I remember it being the State Alchemist watch, which is important to you guys, so I figured he must have done something to it for you guys. So, I left my lab in the state that it was in, threw the watch in there, and carefully pulled that poor suit of armor into the house and ran. You've just been too stupid to figure it out until now and so he's been suffering god knows what because you're _too slow_."

Roy was about to unleash his own fury on Beje but Maes came in and grabbed him. He pulled him out of the room and slammed him down into a chair.

"Damn it, Roy, hold your temper!"

"Did you not just hear that?!"

"I was on the other side of the glass, Roy, of course I did. But the man wasn't lying. I saw it in his face, Roy. He was telling the truth."

"How can you know?"

"I'm in investigations, so I investigate. As soon as I heard you guys had someone, I looked into Copplestone's files. Sergeant Beje Copplestone is from Youswell."

"Youswell?"

"Yes. He is completely against anything that has to do with putting children at risk in regards to public relations. He was there when Yoki was assigned over Youswell and he was there when Edward turned the town back over to the people by buying it and then selling it. He had been in many riots and backings against Yoki to stop the children from having to work in order to pay off their fathers' debts. When we looked into Yoki's files, we found out that he also turned a blind eye to some black market activity involving children. There is truth in what he's saying, if only for the child part alone."

Roy thought about it for a moment.

"Well, he _did_ say in his first story that he couldn't do experimentation on a child… maybe that was more than what he had meant it to mean… I still can't believe him."

"He sold stuff on the black market but it had to do with ammunition, serums he had made, things like that. Never people. Roy, he's telling the truth this time."

Roy sighed, running this fingers through his hair and gathered his anger up to face Beje again. He straightened his jacket and went back into the room.

"Copplestone."

"Yes?"

"You said that you didn't know where they were going but I'm assuming you know what they were going to do, right?"

Beje looked down. "Yeah."

"And?"

Beje motioned for him to come to him and whispered in Roy's ear. Roy closed his eyes as Beje gave him a sad shrug. Roy suddenly smacked him hard and left the room.

"Well?" Maes asked, having not gone behind the two way glass the second time.

"We need to decrypt the rest of that code _now_. He was right. I've been too slow. We have to save Edward now."

"Roy." He didn't stop as Maes ran after him. "ROY! What did he say to you?!"

"Colonel!" Riza yelled, running after him as well. "Sir, what did h whisper into your ear?!"

Roy clenched his fists and turned back to his comrades, trying not to cry.

"Red women… red women = red light district."

Maes and Riza gasped as Roy turned back around.

"We have to decode the rest of that note. We're already too late. Let's not delay this any longer."

* * *

 **oh no! they need to find him quick! sorry it was short and now that these chapts are out, it will be in the line of sequence so it will be a bit before the next chapter. it's not ended but it will be a bit.**


	4. Chapter 4

A weeks days after Roy had visited Beje Copplestone again, he was still trying to decrypt the code on the sheet of paper that Edward had left them. They had gotten everything except for the first thing and the last thing. He had a small suspicion about them but he wasn't really sure.

"Sir?" Roy looked up as Riza looked at him. "Sir, we have some news."

"News? About Edward?"

"Yes. I know you didn't ask for me to do it but… after I thought I saw Edward, I had someone go in the same direction and ask around. After some hunting, they were able to get me some evidence. They um… they even have a picture but I warn you sir, it's not pretty."

"Is he _alive_?"

"Yes."

"Then it's worth everything."

Riza sighed and handed the envelope to him. There was a report but that's not what Roy was looking at with such intensity. It was the photo attached to it by paper clip. It _was_ Edward but it was true what Beje had said about him being a child. He looked four or five and looked like he had been through hell and back. Even when Roy saw him after he had transmuted his mother and was sitting almost lifeless in that wheelchair in Resembool, he had looked livelier than this. In the picture he was bending down to get something, it looked like, and his little arm was just as skinny as could be.

"Sir, I regret to inform you that it's raining."

Roy looked up and then looked outside, seeing a sunny day. He turned back when he realized she was talking about him. He felt the tears falling down his face and he wiped them away as quickly as possible.

"I'm sorry."

"You haven't slept in two days, sir." She said.

He nodded and decided to move on to the next picture and saw a couple of other sad sights when he came across on that was odd.

"What's this picture of numbers here?"

"He said it was kind of odd and he thought it might help find Edward."

Roy stared at the picture for a second looking at the numbers.

 _15-57-53-34_

 _2-3-15_

 _88-8-39_

"There is another picture as well that he said seemed like maybe a clue? He wasn't really sure."

Roy went to the next picture and saw what looked like a dot and an odd rectangular shape. Roy made a face at it and turned it around some. It was definitely a clue but with his clouded mind and judgment, he couldn't figure out what it was for the life of him.

"Sir?"

"Yes?"

"Hughes told me that you… Well, what you did, and I was going to say that you're more than welcome to stay at my house to get some sleep. You need it, Colonel. I know this is as important to you as anything but if you don't get sleep you could put yourself in the hospital."

Roy nodded and put the information back into the envelope.

"I'll take you up on that offer, Hawkeye."

"You sure?"

"The last time I went to sleep, I figured out the watch."

"Well, here's my keys. Just, if you could, walk Black Hayate for me."

"Sure."

He left with the envelope and headed to her apartment.

* * *

Riza came home and found Roy sleeping awkwardly on her couch, Black Hayate curled up next to it. Seeing it was Riza, Black Hayate got up and padded over to her, sitting and waiting for her to pet him. She did so and went to her room to take off her uniform. She slipped into something comfortable and went back to the living room. She shook Roy's shoulder to wake him up.

"Colonel, wake up."

He mumbled something but woke up and saw Riza over him.

"Oh, Hawkeye…"

"Did you want something to eat, sir? I had made soup last night so I have leftovers."

"That'll be fine, I'm not picky." He sat up and stretched, yawning as well. "Was everything alright at the office?"

"Yes sir, nothing much happened. Did you get any headway or did you automatically fall asleep?"

"I fell asleep." He said, a little angry at himself. "But I was thinking of trying to work on it now. I'm curious about those two pictures, the ones with the numbers and the drawings. I believe they go together but how…"

"True. Did you read the report?" she asked, walking to the doorway.

"No, I didn't get to. I was thinking tomorrow that we could go to wherever your source took these pictures. I'm assuming that whoever took Fullmetal is long gone."

"Yes, sir. That was a couple of weeks ago I believe."

"All we do is keep getting further and further away, dammit. I want him _home_ , Hawkeye."

"I understand your concern but rushing into something or using all of our resources won't help." She went back to stir the soup a little and then came back. "Read the report and see what was found out and then we can go from there. Like you said, tomorrow we can go to where he took those pictures and see what we can find. There might be another clue in there in regards to where exactly those people were taking Edward."

Riza went back to the kitchen as Roy did what she said and started reading the report. It wasn't a very long report but when he saw the place he had taken the pictures at, Roy's eyes widened.

"What is it, Colonel?" Riza asked as she set down a bowl of soup for him.

"He was in Resembool. He was so close to home and yet… and yet he could do nothing about it…"

"Don't blame yourself, Colonel."

"I _do_ blame myself! It's just like Copplestone said, I'm too slow. That kid has had to suffer for a year now and I've done nothing. Absolutely nothing."

"You've done all you *can* and that's all you can do. If you don't have the clues then you don't have them."

"But I _did_! I was too wrapped up in other things that I didn't see what was right in front of me. If I had been thinking correctly and remembered the way that Fullmetal was, then I would have found the paper earlier. He could have been here with us right now probably."

"You're being too hard on yourself. It took a while for us to even know what was going on and even then, we didn't have much to go off of. Everyone was in a panic, including yourself."

Roy sighed as he ate some of his soup. He looked over the report again and picked up the envelope when he felt something rattle in the envelope. He opened it up and found that one of the pictures must have come out of the clip. He pulled it out and stopped.

"What is it?"

"It's Edward but… he's looking right at the person who took the pictures."

"What do you mean? Roger was undercover."

"Look."

Roy handed the picture to Riza and she frowned.

"So… he knew he was there… Why didn't he try to get Roger to rescue him then? Buy him or something? That doesn't seem like Edward."

"I have a feeling that his predicament was restricted. Edward wouldn't make a rash decision but he _knew_ that your guy, Roger, was there and he knew that he was investigating. Hawkeye, he was looking straight at him!" Roy growled, hitting the picture with his hand.

"I can see that sir… I'll go find Roger tomorrow and ask him to tell us some more details."

"I'll also show these pictures to Hughes and see if he can maybe help me figure this out." Roy stuck everything back into the envelope. "For now let's just… hope…"

Riza put her hand on her superior's back and rubbed it in comfort.

"We'll get him back."

He nodded and they ate.

* * *

The next day, Roy took the report and photos to Hughes and showed him the two important ones.

"From what I see here, it looks like these drawings are supposed to be the clue to what these numbers mean."

Maes looked at the pictures for a moment and adjusted his glasses. He pointed to the drawings.

"Do you know anything that is that shape?"

"Not off the top of my head. Do you mind if I leave this with you? I have to go talk with the person to who took these photos to get some more information on it."

"He has a report right here."

Roy took the other photos and then showed him the one of Edward looking straight at Roger's camera.

"Edward knew he was there and yet didn't do anything. There is nothing in the report that mentions Edward seeing Roger. I need to know what he saw."

"Sure thing. If I find something I'll give you a call."

Roy nodded, sticking the photo in his jacket, and headed back to his office so he could get Riza and go find this Roger fellow who followed Edward out.

Riza met Roy at the door and they went down a couple of doors to another office. The officers looked up and she looked at a blonde headed man who looked about the same age as Riza and Roy.

"Huckaby, I need to speak with you." Roy said.

Roger looked bewildered but got up and followed the two out of the room.

* * *

"My subordinate says that she had you follow a suspected hay truck that may have been holding the State Alchemist Edward Elric."

"Yes, sir, I did a report for you."

"I read your report, Officer, but there's one thing that I saw that was not mentioned in the report."

"There was?"

Roy took the picture out and showed Roger.

"Edward Elric was looking right at you in this photo. He knew you were there, didn't he?"

Roger looked around for a second and then motioned for them to lean in.

"Yeah, he knew. Right after I took this picture, I happened to look up and he was staring straight at my hiding spot like he knew I was there. I stared right back at him too. It was odd though because it looked like he was trying to figure out what to do. I motioned for him to come closer so I could maybe get him but when I did, he looked at the men who had had him and shook his head no. I knew who he was so I wondered why he didn't use alchemy to try and escape. At the moment, one of the men cracked a whip and I saw him flinch. He went back to doing his work.

"That night, I crept a little closer, hoping to talk to him. I was going to get him out of there and bring him back but he met me at the door of the barn he was sleeping in."

"A barn?" Roy growled.

"Yeah, that's where the men were keeping them. Just like Lieutenant Hawkeye said, under the hay. They needed to be able to load them up quickly the next day but they didn't have a vehicle that wasn't so suspicious as a van and so they had decided a while back to use the hay trucks. Anyway, he met me at the door and stared at me but he looked… he looked drugged. It was as if he didn't know where he was. I went to touch him but he flinched from me and then sounded the alarm! I was so surprised that it took all I could do to get out of there without them seeing me.

"The next day when I went to do some more research, they were gone."

"Do you at least know where they were headed?"

"Yeah, the tracks lead east."

"East?"

"Yes, sir."

"Why didn't you put this in your report?"

Roger motioned them closer.

"The fact that he alarmed the men made me believe that he was brainwashed but if I had put it in the report, the others may think otherwise. If I had done it, they may think the investigation is a moot point and not want to rescue him anymore since he didn't try to come with me. I didn't want them to stop."

Roy pulled back and smiled a little.

"Thank you for that shrewd reasoning, Officer Huckaby. You're right in that aspect and I appreciate your candor."

"Of course, sir. I felt really bad about it though… I wish I could have just gone in and grabbed him up and brought him home. You got the pictures of the numbers and drawings, right?"

"Yes, I did."

"Good because I saw him make those. He must have been in a better state of mind when he did because he was doing it quickly. I took those pictures after they left."

"I see. Thank you, Officer Huckaby."

Roger saluted and went back to his desk.

Roy pinched the bridge of his nose and tried not to punch a hole in the wall.

"Now he's been brainwashed. Wonderful."

"At least we know that though. It makes better sense for him not trying to escape himself."

"True. I'll make arrangements for us to head to Resembool and check out that barn he was talking about."

"Yes, sir."

They went back to Roy's office.

* * *

A little later in the day, Roy got a phone call and picked up the receiver.

"Colonel Mustang."

"Hey, it's me."

"Did you find anything?"

"I couldn't figure it out so I decided to ask Sheska if she had seen the shape before. She said she had and looked through a couple of books for me. She just called me and guess where that shape is from?"

"What?"

"The periodic table of elements."

Roy stood up quickly.

"I'll be down there in a minute."

"No need. I already looked them up for you. I don't have the table with me right now since I'm working but an alchemist I work with down here happened to know the matching numbers. It makes no sense to me but maybe you can decipher something. Do you want me to give it to you?"

"Yes!" he said, sitting down and finding a blank sheet of paper. "I'm ready."

"Okay: 15 = phosphorus, 57 = lanthanium, 53 = iodine and 34 is selenium. The second set of numbers is: 2 = helium, 3 = lithium, and then 15 again. The third group is: 88 = radium, 8 = oxygen, and 39 is yttrium. Did you get all that?"

"Yeah, I got it. I'll see if I can make something of that."

"Sure thing. Oh, are you heading to Resembool tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Mind if I tag along?"

"I'll see if I can have you accompany me."

"Thanks. Ed means a lot to me too."

"I know. Thank you, Hughes."

"No problem."

Roy immediately started to work on trying to figure out what Edward was talking about. He opened the door and pointed at Jean.

"Havoc, please get me a chemistry book from the library."

"Sure thing, but why?"

"I need it, that's why."

Havoc saluted as everyone looked at him expectantly.

"Did you figure something else out?" Breda asked.

"Hughes found out what the numbers meant. He said Sheska told him it's from the periodic table. The numbers are the elements on there but Edward drew the actual table for a reason… Phosphorus, lanthanium, iodine, and selenium… I don't know of anything that can make…"

Roy walked back into his office and started staring at the chemicals.

"Hmm… P for phosphorus… I for iodine… P for phosphorus again… O for oxygen... He for helium… I can't remember the rest of them."

"Here's a book, sir." Havoc said, putting the book on Roy's desk.

"Thanks."

Roy opened it up to the very front where the periodic table was usually found. He wrote the rest of the abbreviations down and then made a face.

"RaOY… Ra-oy? Roy? ROY?!" he yelled, looking at the word again. "That definitely says Roy. Then wait…"

He put the abbreviations together for the chemicals and his heart stopped. He knew now that nothing was going to stop him from finding Edward.

 **PLaISe HeLiP RaOY**

"Please help, Roy." He said, swallowing hard.

* * *

 **i promise we will get to edward sooooon. very soon. and just to be clear, the PTOE that we know wasn't made back then but i don't care. i needed it so... yeah...** **cryptic and there are about two more of those later on. no one knows how hard it is to make words from that thing. you think you'll be fine and then you need an A or an E... good luck! so we have to use phonetics  
**

 **hurry roy! he's waiting!**


	5. Chapter 5

**sorry in advance about the ending. it was supposed to be longer but it got too long.**

* * *

As the train pulled into the station of Resembool, Roy, Riza, and Maes all got off and headed into town. They got the directions to the barn from Roger and headed there to see if they could find some more clues. It took them a while but they finally got to the barn and looked inside. Maes found the place where Edward had carved into the wall and Roy touched it, tracing over the numbers. They all looked around to see if Edward left anymore clues but it seemed that they were out of luck. Roy decided that they should go down the path going East and see if anyone remembered a hay truck heading in that direction.

They met up with a couple of ditch diggers and they mentioned that there was an unusual amount of hay trucks heading East some time ago. They kept going down the way, hearing of sightings of the hay trucks but nothing unusual about them except for the amount of them. They finally got to an inn and Roy went inside to ask the owner about the hay trucks and he seemed to have a little more information.

* * *

"Yeah, I remember them hay trucks. Awful lot of them too, about three or four. Usually that wouldn't be unusual but the thing of it was that they were all together. There may be three or four of them that come by in a day but they're all separate, not in a line like that. It was none of my business so I didn't ask but it was awful suspicious."

"We have reason to believe that they were actually human trafficking with the hay trucks." Maes said, adjusting his glasses. "They were putting the people under the hay and transporting them. Do you know what direction they were going in?"

"Human trafficking?! I can't believe it…"

"Did they mention where they were going or what they were doing?" Roy asked, getting a little irritated.

"I wasn't really paying attention but the bartender may know something or other. He was serving them lots of beer that night. Maybe one of them talked about where he was going."

Maes thanked him and they all went over to the barkeep.

"What'll you have, Officers?" the man asked, looking at them expectantly.

"Nothing except a chat." Maes said with a smile. "We were wondering if you remember some men a couple of weeks back that were driving a line of hay trucks."

"Hmm… Hay trucks… I don't recall. Why would the military be looking for some hay truck deliverers?"

"Because one of my subordinates has been kidnapped-" Roy started angrily but Riza put her hand on his shoulder.

The barkeep looked at the three of them and made a face.

"Wait, what do you mean?"

"We have reason to believe that these men were not delivering hay but hiding people under it to do human trafficking. We thought you might be able to tell us where these people were headed. They have one of our men."

The man seemed to think for a second and then hit the counter.

"I remember those guys. They were really sleazy but they seemed pretty smart. They said that they were delivering a pretty good batch to some guys at the border."

"The border?!" Roy yelled, getting out of Riza's hand and leaning on to the bar. "What do you mean, the border? To Amestris?"

"Yeah. They said they had some nice coin waiting for them there. If what you say is true, then it looks like they were doing some trades. There's a town that is the visa checkpoint for anyone coming in or out of Amestris and on over to cross the desert into Xing. If I were you, I'd start there."

Roy tore out of the inn quicker than Maes or Riza could keep up with and they ran after him.

"Roy! Roy, wait up!"

"You heard him, we have to get to the checkpoint."

"We can do that tomorrow. Look, we've been traversing the countryside all day. We need to take a rest. We'll head there immediately tomorrow and ask them questions. Remember, we have to sleep."

"Every time we sleep, Edward is getting farther and farther away. If he really is in Xing then maybe not physically, but whatever they have him doing, he could be _mentally_ getting farther away from us."

"And we know that. But we have to be mentally prepared ourselves for when we find him. How are we supposed to do anything with him if we go into hysterics the first time we see him? You *have* to keep yourself alert."

Roy wanted nothing more than to strangle his friend but he knew he was right. He was ready to get Edward back home and he wanted to do it now. They were so close and yet they seemed to keep getting so far away. But, he nodded and Maes decided they should stay in the inn they were at for convenience.

* * *

The next morning, they drove all the way to the checkpoint, taking up most of their day. When they got there, they went to the office and Roy banged on the little window. The blinds opened and he held up his State Alchemist watch.

"Colonel Mustang here, I need to ask you some questions."

The man opened up the little door that was beside him and leaned out.

"What are you blabbering about?"

"I need to know if a small caravan of hay trucks tried to get past the checkpoint some time ago."

"Hay trucks? We don't deliver hay."

"What about children?" Riza asked, staring the man in the face. "Do you deliver them?"

The man looked hard at her.

"Lady, I run a respectable checkpoint between Amestris and those who are going to and from Xing. I don't do anything in regards to human trafficking or the like. So if you don't mind, I have some work to-" The barrel in his face made him stop short as Roy pointed his gun at him.

"You may run a respectable place but I'm sure your loaders or other tellers wouldn't be so meek enough _not_ to take a bribe from someone to look the other way while they sell children or women, would they?"

"I- I don't know."

"You see, I've been pissed off for a very long time and someone has taken something of mine. I don't appreciate being fucked around with. So, I will ask you again, did you see any hay trucks come through here some time ago?"

Maes sighed but the man was so frightened that he gulped and nodded.

"Y-yes… There were some hay trucks here."

"Did they actually sell the hay that was on them?"

"Now that you mention it, the trucks left with the hay still on them. I didn't really make any mention of it because I was busy dealing with an irate Xingese woman because her visa was forged."

"Where did they stop? Point it out to me." Roy growled, putting his arm around the man's neck with the gun still pointed to it. "Give us a _really_ good estimate."

"Roy-"

"I'M NOT FUCKING AROUND ANYMORE, HUGHES!" he screamed, looking at Maes with a look that could have scared the Devil. "I've been too slow and he's been suffering because of me. I want him home! I want him to *come home*! I'm not screwing around with petty talks and clues anymore. I want answers _now_."

The man in Roy's neck hold was crying because he thought for sure Roy would forget the gun in his hand and shoot him in the head.

Maes nodded a little. "I understand but if you threaten the citizens then the military could kick you out on suspension. Just try not to shoot the man."

"If he tells me where the trucks stopped then there won't be any need of him anymore. No need to shoot what I don't need. Or I could set you ablaze? You want that instead?" Roy asked the man. He shook his head hysterically and Roy smiled. "Then be a good boy and show me where the trucks were parked. Don't be shy."

"Along there." He man said, pointing a shaking hand at a large space. "They were parked there."

"Thank you, kind sir…"

Roy put his gun up and headed over to the spot where the man had pointed.

Riza looked at Maes with concern and they followed their superior over.

"Colonel, don't you think that was a little rough?" Riza asked.

"No."

They walked over to a man who seemed to be directing some people and Roy put his hand on his shoulder.

"Excuse me, I have a question."

"Not now-"

" _Excuse me, I have a question._ " Roy asked again with an evil smile and a grip so hard on the man's shoulder that he was in physical pain.

"Yes, of course." The man gasped.

"Did you see this little boy pass through here some time ago?" he asked, taking out the picture of Edward he had.

The man looked at it for a second and nodded.

"Yeah, I saw him. His hair is what caught my eye."

Roy let go of his shoulder. "Do you know where he was taken?"

"The last I saw of him, he was taken in the restrooms over there. Then I never saw him."

"Do you turn a blind eye to human trafficking?" Maes asked, lifting an eyebrow.

The man seemed ashamed and turned away.

"I've tried to stop it before but it doesn't do any good. I don't get any gain out of it and no one believes you if the traffickers are slick. I've seen this group before and they're so good that even the authorities can't catch them in the act."

"You don't even try to help them?" Riza asked.

"I've tried it before and all anyone does is stare at you funny or if there are a lot of Xingese here, cause a panic. No one tries to do anything about it. But I did see this boy here and the restrooms were the last I saw of him."

"Thank you. You've been the most help we've had." Roy said.

He went to the bathrooms with Riza going into the women's just in case. Roy knew that he wouldn't be there but maybe Edward left a clue. Roy looked in the two stalls that were there but saw nothing and then the urinal section but nothing there either.

"Sir, I found something!" Riza yelled from the other side of the wall.

Roy left the men's bathroom and went into the women's, scaring about two of them as they ran out. Riza was holding open a door and pointed at it. Roy looked in but made a face.

"What about it?"

"There are golden hairs on the floor. As if someone cut someone's hair."

Roy looked down and sure enough, yellower than usual hair was scattered about the commode. Roy looked around for a second and then moved the back of the toilet off, finding the braid that always accompanied his subordinate.

"I know what they did… They cut his hair and then most likely put a hat on him so that he wouldn't be recognized." He looked around for a second and shuddered. "These bathrooms are disgusting. It's been some time since Edward was here and yet the hairs are still here?"

Riza nodded and turned around to see numbers in the mirror. She turned to see where they were coming from but they weren't etched anywhere. She blinked a little and then pulled on Roy's sleeve.

"Colonel, in the mirror."

Roy looked over and saw the numbers in the mirror. He took out his pen that he purposefully brought with him and pulled out from folded sheets of paper as well.

"53, 95, 49, 16-2-49-31… Give me a minute and let me write this down."

He jotted down the numbers and then went out of the bathroom, going to a bench. Maes joined the two as Roy took out another paper and Riza saw he had torn the periodic table out of the book Havoc had brought for him.

"Although I know my periodic table, I'm not too familiar with the abbreviations as I should be… Let's see… 53 = iodine, 95 = americium, 49 = indium, 16 = sulfur, 2 = helium, 49 = indium again, and 31 = gallium. If I get all of their abbreviations I get… **I Am In SHeInGa**."

"I am in Sheinga?"

"Xing. He's in Xing." Roy said, sighing a little. "Damn it, we're too late. He's across the friggin desert!"

"Wait a minute." Riza said, getting up and heading back to the bathroom. She came back a little later. "I thought I remembered seeing some other faint numbers. Behind the last set there is another set. The numbers are 54-68-54-16."

Roy quickly jotted it down and then began to look at the table.

"54 = xenon, 68 = erbium, and 16 = sulfur. **XeErXeS**. He was in Xerxes…"

"That's at least a start. Maybe there is something there he left." Riza said.

"My question is, if this Roger guy said that he was brainwashed then how was Edward able to do these encrypted codes?"

"Even though Edward was brainwashed, that child's mind is something else. I have a feeling he had fits of sanity and did this during that time. Whether or not he still has it is the main thing."

* * *

Per Edward's direction, the next morning they got some horses and headed out to the Xerxes ruins. When they got there, the three of them could see where people had camped out there but there was no sign of Edward or anyone.

"Roy! I found some more numbers here!" Maes called out.

Roy ran over with Riza and they all looked at the numbers that were carved into the ground.

"Call them out, Hughes." Roy said.

"53, 57-76-52, 9-85-1, 49, 39-8-92."

Roy frantically wrote them down and then looked over the table and rewrote the abbreviations for what was written. When he was done, Maes and Riza noticed that Roy began to shake.

"Roy?"

"What's wrong, Colonel?"

He handed the paper to them and Maes turned his head a little.

"I must not be thinking clearly. This can't say what I think it does."

" **I LaOsTe FAtH In YOU** … 'I lost faith in you'… He thinks I'm not coming." Roy leaned back on his legs, swallowing hard. "He… he gave up…"

"Roy, that doesn't really mean-"

"He lost faith in me, Maes! It says it right there! He thinks I'm not coming to save him. Copplestone was right! I was too slow. I was so slow that Edward thinks he's doomed to be out there. He's doomed and abandoned and left behind! He gave up… He…"

Roy finally sobbed in his hands, knowing he had failed Edward with his own grief and not taking action in time. He'd taken way too long to try and find him. He should have been aware of everything months ago, a year ago. Now Edward, the proud, snarky, and independent kid that he secretly loved like a son and would do anything for, had _given up_.

Maes carefully pulled Roy's hands from his face and made him look at him.

"Roy… Roy, look at me." Roy eventually did. "Do you see where we are?"

"What?"

"Do you see where we are?"

"Xerxes…"

"Do you know where that is?"

"What are you getting at, Hughes?"

"Just answer the question. Where is Xerxes?"

"In the middle of the desert."

"And you know where it isn't?"

Roy frowned at him, not in the mood for games.

"Where?"

"Central."

"What the _hell_ does that have to do with this?"

"He lost faith because he thinks you're not coming. But you are. You're here, in Xerxes, which is _not_ in Central. It means that you're almost there. You _are_ coming for him. He may have lost faith but that doesn't mean you can't gain it back because you're coming. You're _going_ to save him because we're almost there already."

Riza bent down to her superior and grabbed one of his hands with her own.

"Maes is right, Colonel. He lost faith because he thinks you're not coming. Show him that you are. We're not far from Xing. Let's find Edward and bring him home."

Roy looked at the numbers etched into the ground and then at his two friends. He breathed in with resolve and nodded.

* * *

 **i really didn't want to have to end it here but it was getting too crammed so you'll get a double chapter here. i promise most of the cryptic stuff if done now and we'll FINALLY get to what's going on with edward...**

 **and poor ed, it took so long that he actually gave up? he lost faith in mustang? how could this be?**


	6. Chapter 6

After traveling some distance to Xing, they finally made it into town. After getting some food and drink, they began to ask around in regards to Edward's whereabouts. They finally came across a sleazy fellow who was going to get away if Roy hadn't made a fire wall the best way to block a path.

"Look, just tell me where I can find someone who sells kids or something."

The guy looked at him for a second and then held out his hand.

"For a fee, I can tell you exactly where to look."

"How about you tell us where he is and I'll not blow your fucking head off?" Roy said, putting his thumb and middle finger together to make a spark.

The man flinched but nodded.

"Okay, okay… Usually if they get children from Amestris, they send them to the red light district. You'll find him there."

"What do they do with them?" Maes asked.

"What do you _think_ they do with them?"

Maes punched the guy in the throat and turned away, the others following.

"Nice going, Hughes." Roy said with a small smile.

"I was hoping for a different answer. By the way, if we get suspended for this adventure, I'm blaming it all on you, Roy."

"Go ahead. This is worth it to me."

"I think we should get a change of clothes, sir." Riza said. "Three military officers going into the red light district of Xing is pretty noticeable."

"True. That sounds like a good idea."

They went to a store and bought some different clothing. Roy and Maes looked like they could pull of being Xingese but Riza looked very out of place. Roy laughed a little.

"You look really out of place, Hawkeye."

"You look too much _in_ place."

"My aunt said I may have Xingese in me but it's a rumor. She wouldn't tell me anything else otherwise."

The three of them headed for the red light district.

* * *

"Hello, pretty lady." Roy said.

The woman in the slot of the brothel smiled at him and leaned on the wall.

"Hello, there. Did you come for a little piece of heaven?"

"Sorry, honey, but I'm looking for something a little different tonight."

The woman frowned. "I'm sorry I don't float your boat."

"Maybe another time. Where could I get something exotic?"

"Exotic? Like a Cretian?"

"No, something more… Amestrian."

"You want something like that?" the woman said with a degrading laugh.

"Well, actually, between you and me, I was looking for something a little… blonde."

"Ooooh." She said, suddenly perking up. "You mean the Goldies."

"Is that what they're called? I'm sorry if I didn't know but my friend and his fianceé there," He pointed to Maes and Riza. "Thought that I would like to drown my sorrow with a blonde. My girlfriend dumped me and they said a blonde was something completely different from her and could help me get over her."

"Your friend must be very rich. All of the Golden Ones are kept at one place: The House of the Rising Sun. It's at the very end of the red light district, you can't miss it."

"How much are they?"

The woman ran her finger down Roy's shirt from the slot in the building.

"A lot more expensive than I am. I can give you a good time worth half the price and better the service. Since most of the Goldies were captured from Amestris and other places, their services are not as smooth as mine could be."

Roy smiled and took her hands off his shirt.

"I appreciate the offer, but my friend is paying for my services and he wants me to be with a Goldie, you called them?" The woman nodded. "He just didn't know where the place was. Thank you for being of help to me." He slipped her some money in her hand. "For the information."

Roy was thankful Maes had convinced them to get some of their currency switched to the Xing currency. He had no idea how much he was giving to her but she seemed to think it reasonable.

"Anytime… And if you ever want some 'normal' healing, I'm here all the time."

Roy smiled at her and went back to Maes and Riza.

"What did your little friend say?" Maes said with a smirk.

"She said that people with blonde hair are kept in a house at the end of the district called The House of the Rising Sun. That's where we have to go."

They nodded and headed down the street (which seemed like forever) and found the place. It wasn't hard to find even if you weren't looking for it. The outside was painted in all colors of yellow and there was a sparkling sun shape on the front of the building. Even the door was painted a golden color.

"The woman said this place is expensive due to the blondes being so rare. Hawkeye, I think you should not come in. They may want to buy you and all I want is to get Edward."

"Understood, sir."

He and Maes walked into the place and was met by a man a little younger than them.

"Hello, welcome to the House of the Rising Sun. Here is a menu."

Roy and Maes looked at each other as they were led down the hallway. Roy looked at the menu and saw that it consisted of both food and preferences of men, women, and children (boy or girl).

"So, what are you two looking for today? Some beautiful women to help you ease the day away?'

"Actually, we're looking for a male child."

The man's smile twitched only for a second but he just smiled and nodded.

"Of course, sirs. Right this way."

He led him down another hall and went to a door marked with the 'male' symbol. He opened it up and gestured to the children in there. Roy wanted to gag at the mistreatment of them all. The room was halfway decent but the children were chained against the wall by either an arm or a foot and they looked like they had been beaten, whipped, and everything else.

"Is there a reason why they look so… unkept?" Maes asked.

"Maintenance of everyday cleaning is hard to come by. We serve exotic people but exotics are pricey. Once you pick the one you want, we will clean them up all spic and span. The prices are tattooed on their forearms. Once you make your selection, just pull the cord in the corner and I will come to clean him up. Please make yourself acquainted but please refrain from doing anything until we get you a proper room."

The cheeriness over what the man thought they wanted with one of these poor children was enough to make Roy want to see the man's head roll. It was said that there really were people that disgusting who this man had to be kind to. He didn't agree to it himself, since Roy saw his smile fall for a split second, but his job was to sell, not to discriminate. He left them and they looked all over the place for Edward.

* * *

"Did you find what you're looking for?" the man asked, coming back after about fifteen minutes.

"I'm sorry but no. Do you have any others?"

The man made a face but he motioned for them to come closer.

"Are you into the defects?"

"Defects?"

"Sometimes we get those that have gone crazy or lost their minds. Most people don't find them fun but some have their kicks. Is… is that what you're looking for?"

Maes looked at Roy with a knowing look: if Edward had lost his sanity, he might be in there.

"Yes, please show us the um… defects."

The man nodded. "I do fair warn you not to touch any of them. We will sedate the one you pick and clean them up and then reanimate them once in your room."

Roy nodded and followed the man down the hall to the last door.

"Unfortunately, we don't very many anymore but we have about six new arrivals. I hope they are um… to your satisfaction."

The man turned the light on in the room and the six children all flinched in at the light. They were even worse than the regular ones. Roy looked around but there was still no Edward

"Are you _sure_ this is all you have?"

"Oh! How silly of me, there is one more but he is in use at the moment."

Roy stiffened. "In use?"

"Yes, little golden haired boy, most extraordinary color. Not only is his hair gold but his _eyes_. He was a complete treasure when he was presented to us. He's been the most popular one here! Despite the fact that his mind is broken and he is missing an arm and a leg, he must be Amestrian because he is fully functional with automail! It's so amazing."

"Broken?" Roy said, trying not to break his own jaw from keeping his jaw clenched shut.

"Oh yes, poor thing only says a couple of things. A string of some numbers and only one saying; something about someone coming to save him. The customers enjoy him because he runs on automatic, they say. Tell him to do something and he does it without thinking but when asked a question, he only says what I told you." The man looked at the clock on the wall. "His time should be almost up. Would you like him?"

"Yes. Yes, I would love him." Roy said through gritted teeth.

"Excellent. I'll set up a room for you… um… will you both be… in the room?"

Maes just nodded, too shocked to really say anything at all and the man led them to their room.

* * *

The man closed the door and Maes looked like a boulder had fallen down on his shoulders as he slumped to the floor.

"What the hell, Roy? _What the **hell**?_ "

"We're getting him out of here. I don't care if we spend every penny we have. I'll sell my _own_ body to get him out of here." Roy snarled, his hand clenching.

The door opened again and they looked over at it. The man from before peeked in.

"Sorry to disrupt you but we're going to just freshen him up for you."

"Thanks."

He closed the door again and Roy went to the window. It had a balcony and he stepped out to see if he could see Riza. She was stationed below and he signaled her to the balcony.

"Did you find him?" she whispered up.

"We will but… I don't know what I'm going to see. Stay near."

She gave him an 'ok' signal and went back to where she had been.

A couple minutes later the door opened and the man peeked in.

"Are you ready? Here he is."

The tiny boy that stepped through the door was nothing more than a shell. There was absolutely no one living there. The man had been right and Edward was on automatic. Roy heard a heart wrenching noise let out and he didn't realize it was him until he felt tears run down his face. Edward just stood there and didn't do anything, waiting for a command.

"Come here…" he said softly.

Edward walked to him slowly and Roy wrapped his arms around him, holding him in a hug. Edward didn't put his arms around him, just stood there. It hurt Roy even more to see him that way and he pulled back, looking at the vacancy of his subordinate's golden eyes. His hair was growing back in but his bangs were still the same as ever, getting into his face. He pushed them back softly and Edward brought his hand up to Roy's face, touching it with an odd feeling.

Roy realized what he was doing.

"No." he said, pushing Edward's hand down. "I'm not here for that."

"Roy?" Maes said in worry.

"Roy will save me." Edward suddenly said, his voice small and hoarse.

The sentence made Maes and Roy looked at each other.

"What did you say?"

"Roy will save me. A-56-60-8-10-D." he said, not looking at anyone.

Roy furrowed his brows. "Edward, I'm here. I've come to rescue you."

"Roy will save me. He always comes. A-56-60-8-10-D."

"Edward, I'm here right now! I'm _here_!" Roy said frantically as he shook Edward.

The action caused Edward to scream in terror and he crumbled into a ball.

"A-56-60-8-10-D! A-56-60-8-10-D! 52-8-8 34-57-8-74!" he screamed, holding his hands over his head as if he was trying to protect himself from getting hit.

The broken boy made Roy's heart leap in his chest and he hesitantly touched Edward again. All he did was scrunch into a tighter ball but Roy picked him up and held him like a baby, wrapping his arms around him to make him feel like he was secure.

"I've got you, Fullmetal."

Edward suddenly stopped crying and looked up at Roy. If Edward's brain had been a house, small lights would have come on in the windows as it looked as if recognition was starting to occur. Roy didn't say anything, not wanting to spook him. Edward got out of his arms and suddenly got on his knees, bowing in front of Roy.

"I am here to serve you." He said.

Roy looked at Maes.

"I… I don't want to be served."

Edward looked up in confusion and then seemed as if recognition hit him and his eyes lost the lights again. He immediately began to undo the little jacket he had on and Roy frowned angrily.

"Stop that."

"Roy will save me." Edward said automatically.

Roy reached out and touched Edward's hands. "Stop…"

Edward looked up at him and then looked at Maes, although he wasn't really seeing him.

"Fullmetal?" Edward turned back. "Do you even know who we are? Do… do you know your name?"

"…No…" he answered, seeming very confused.

"We're here to rescue you and that's what we're going to do. Maes, go tell hat man we're going to buy him."

Edward looked at Roy. "Roy will save me."

"I know."

"A-56-60-8-10-D."

"Come here." Roy said.

Edward automatically walked over to him and Roy picked him up, hugging him close. Edward just put his head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I took so long… I'm _so_ sorry."

"Roy will save me. A-56-60-8-10-D."

* * *

 **yes, i went there and things happened. i won't be revealing what the numbers that edward actually says means for a while. but anyway, finally found him although he's traumatized to a fault. poor thing...**


	7. Chapter 7

**there's more than one way to skin a cat so... yeah. it'll make sense soon**

* * *

As Roy argued with the proprietor of the building about Edward's true place, Maes was to take care of him for a second. It disturbed him that Edward's automatic function was to make tea. He did so masterfully and he brought it over to Maes, setting the small tray in front of him. He then sat on his knees and waited for Maes to taste it. Maes did and was surprised that it was… exactly how he liked it.

"Edward… How did you know?"

"Roy will save me." He said, turning away as if he was going to be smacked.

There was a very forceful thud against the wall of the room where Roy and the man were talking and Maes looked up. He sighed and drank his tea in silence with Edward still on his knees in front of him. There was another thud and the sound of sheet rock falling from the ceiling. Edward looked over casually as if it weren't anything new.

"I know this won't make a difference to your mind," Edward turned to him. "But we travelled a long way to find you… I know it's late but… but we're going to take you home."

Edward looked at him curiously.

"Roy will save me. A-56-60-8-10-D."

Maes sighed, trying not to shake the child awake and let him know that Roy was already there… He suddenly felt Edward touch his hand and looked down. Edward was setting it on top of his head and moving it about. Maes took up what it looked like Edward was asking for and rustled his hair a little. Edward smiled and got a little closer to Maes, reaching up to touch his beard. He then reached up and grabbed his glasses, taking them off slowly. Maes suddenly realized what he was doing and pulled back quickly.

The motion scared Edward and he fell back, whimpering and scrunching into a ball.

"Roy will save me! Roy will save me! He always comes! A-56-60-8-10-D! Roy will save me!" he cried over and over again, shaking in the little ball he'd scrunched himself into.

There was another thud and the door broke open, the proprietor on the ground and Roy coming through the door with his fingers ready to strike. There was a menacing glare in his eyes as he looked at the man on the ground.

"I'm not playing around anymore. If you don't give that child to me, in the name of the Amestrian military forces, I will burn your business to the ground. And I will make sure every little service you do is let loose and told to go home so they can tell stories of the atrocities of this place and then come looking for _you_ to hunt down and kill for all the innocents you've helped defile and for fucking around with an Amestrian officer who is under _my_ command. That, in my book, is a direct sentence to my wrath." Roy sent a warning stream of fire to the other side of the room. He then smiled cruelly at the man. "You think the Devil is something to worry about? How about I give you Hell on earth _right now_. Which level of Hell do you think you'll be experiencing tonight?"

"T- Take him! He's yours!"

Roy grinned and walked over him to where Maes was trying to calm Edward down.

"You scared the hell out of him, Roy. He was just coming out of his own trauma when you came in here with the fireworks."

"I'm sorry…" Roy knelt down next to Edward, who was mumbling something and shaking. "Edward, I'm sorry. Let's go home.

"He can't understand you and he won't let me touch him."

Roy made a face. "Let me try something… Fullmetal."

Edward peeked out from under an arm.

"Fullmetal, I'm talking to you. Please respond."

He slowly unfolded and got back on his knees, his head down. He also raised his hand up in a salute. Maes narrowed his eyes at him.

"Fullmetal, we're here to save you, do you understand?"

"Roy will save me."

"I _am_ Roy."

Edward looked up and shook his head softly.

"No… A-56-60-8-10-D."

"Fullmetal, _I_ am Roy!"

"NO! A-56-60-8-10-D!" he screamed, looking pretty angry for a four year old.

Roy got on one knee, getting a little closer to Edward's height.

"Fullmetal, look at me. _Look_ at me." Edward looked at him with the same anger as before. "I'm Roy Mustang. Colonel Mustang… Colonel Bastard if that's what you want to call me."

Edward looked at him for a minute and then his anger seemed to flare as he crawled away from him, pointing.

"52-8-8 34-57-8-74. A-56-60-8-10-D. He _always_ comes." He growled.

"Roy, shut up. You're making him angry for some reason. We got him. Let's go." Maes turned back to Edward and got on one knee as well. "Ed, we're going to take you home now. I know you're waiting for Roy but he sent us to take you."

"A-56-60-8-10-D." Edward replied, watching Maes curiously.

"We're going to take you home now." He said, holding his hand out.

Edward looked at him and tears formed in his eyes.

"13 53-16 31-8-10… 52-8-8 34-57-8-74… A-56-60-8-10-D…" he said, the tears falling down his face.

"I know but… you'll be safe." Edward blinked a little, as if he didn't know what that word meant. "Safe… You're safe now."

Even if his mind didn't register the word, his body knew and he ran into Maes' arms. He scooped him up and held him tight.

Roy watched with not an ounce of satisfaction. He hadn't saved Edward at all: Maes had.

* * *

They walked outside and met up with Riza, who had her gun in her hand.

"Is everything alright, sir? Will they be following us or anything else?"

"No, I think I convinced them well enough of what I expected." He said with a small smirk.

"Where's Edward?"

Roy thumbed behind him. "Maes has him."

Riza watched as Maes walked out with Edward when Edward turned to her and smiled a little.

"You chased after me." He said, pointing to her as they walked.

"I did…" Riza said with a smile, so glad to see him safe.

"We'll get tickets tomorrow and head back home. For now, we'll have to stay in the inn. Fullmetal is with me."

"Uh, don't you think that would look bad with a married man and an unmarried woman staying in a room together?"

Roy glared at Maes. "This is Xing. We just rescued Edward from a brothel. I don't think they'll care about your marital affairs. Besides, I know you're loyal to Gracia through and through and Hawkeye would just shot you in the ass if you tried something anyway. I've been searching for too long to lose sight of him now. I want Edward with me."

"Sir, permission to speak?" Riza said.

"Yes?"

"He's pretty dirty… who's going to wash him?"

Everyone stopped and Roy turned back to her. He looked over at Edward, who had fallen asleep on Maes' shoulders, seeing that even though he may have been wiped off, he was still nasty from the place.

"Don't you think we should take him to a doctor too? I mean…" Maes said, pushing his glasses up.

Roy swallowed hard, the decision not an easy one.

"I'm afraid that… I'm afraid we won't be able to wash him until we get back to Amestris. You're both right but Edward comes first and… Maes is more right in the fact that we need to take him to a hospital. If we wash him… well… the evidence of anything could be washed away. As much as I want to clean him of that horrible place… I can't…"

Riza nodded. "Understood, sir."

"We will take him to the first hospital that we come to. I'm not waiting until we get to Central for any of that. As I said, he comes first and we need to know as soon as possible."

They nodded and went to the hotel.

* * *

 _"Roy will come for me."_

 _The large man laughed as he glared at him._

 _"Yeah, well if he's coming, then he's taking his sweet time getting here!"_

 _"He always comes."_

 _"Hey, Dallas, isn't he cute? Doesn't say much else so why don't you take advantage of that."_

* * *

Edward opened his eyes, scrunching up in a little ball immediately. When he didn't feel the sting that usually accompanied his accidental naps, he blinked a little and sat up, looking around. It took him a minute to realize he was sitting on something soft and plush and he looked down, finding a bed. He turned his head at that, as if it were so foreign to him. He looked around and saw that it was big but there was nothing ominous in there. He then turned and gasped, scooting as far away as he could. There was a man laying beside him.

Sadly, this wasn't something unfamiliar to him but something seemed different. The man turned over and Edward's eyes got as big as saucers. He had to get away. He quickly fell off the bed and headed for a door, turning the knob. He realized now why he felt so different why everything was different. His brain wasn't foggy anymore and he knew he had to escape. After all, how was Roy supposed to find him if he didn't tell him where to look? Edward stopped then, looking at the carpet of the inn.

"A-56-60-8-10-D." he said to himself, as if reminding himself about something.

"Edward?"

He turned, seeing Riza coming off the elevator and onto the floor. He remember her running after him; he could see her face clearly now. He ran to her quickly, grabbing her around the legs. Riza was carrying a bag and dropped it when he ran to her. She pried his arms loose and picked him up. Edward held on fast, not wanting to let go.

"I've got you… I've got you. You don't have to worry; you're safe now."

Edward didn't know what that word meant anymore.

"Edward?! Edward! Edward, where did you go?!" Roy yelled, coming out of the room in a frenzy.

Maes heard him yelling and opened his door as well.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Edward's gone."

"I have him." Riza said. "He was wandering the hallway."

"Give him to me."

Roy reached out to get him but Edward held onto Riza even harder and buried his face in her neck. He frowned and touched him softly. He latched onto Riza so tight she thought she'd choke as he shook.

"No! Roy will save me… Roy will save me…"

Roy stared at his lieutenant with a shocked and saddened expression, as if she were the one doing it. She looked at him with a sad look.

"I promise it's not me, sir… He's latched onto me tight. I'm sorry."

He nodded and smiled just a little, still touching Edward softly on the back.

"Take care of him, Lieutenant."

She nodded and they all went back to their rooms.

* * *

When they woke up, they hurried and got horses to cross the desert and headed out immediately. It took them a bit longer since the winds were kicking up but they eventually got to Amestris again. All the while, Edward wanted nothing to do with Roy, little to do with Maes, and everything to do with Riza. Riza would never deny the boy's needs but she hated that all it was doing was hurting her superior. The look of sadness in his eyes when Edward would scream or shy away from him almost broke her own heart. He'd fought so hard and tried for so long to have the one person he was looking for shun him…

As stated, they took him to a hospital immediately for Edward to get checked.

* * *

"Colonel Roy Mustang?" the doctor said.

"Yes, that's me."

"You're this boy's guardian?"

"Uh… well, yes."

"I see. Well, do you want the good news or the bad news first?"

" _Is_ there any good news?"

"Yes, there is."

"Fine… either one is fine."

"Alright… Good news is that there was no indication of rape. We did a test and nothing came up." Roy didn't realize his breath was being held for so long until he breathed. "But that's where the bad news comes in. There wasn't any indication of rape in the anus but… the boy indicated there were other sexual encounters. Mostly oral, other things done to him, etc." The doctor let that sink in and then cleared his throat. "And uh, I'm sure you've noticed that he has some psychological damage."

"No shit."

"But it seems to only be with people with dark hair. You said that he shies away from you and the Lieutenant Colonel?"

"Yes. He clings to my subordinate."

"Blonde hair… I'm not psychiatrist –which I _strongly_ advice you to get one for him when you get back to Central- but I'm 90% sure it has to do with Xingese features of dark hair and eyes and… no offense, sir, but you look like you have Xingese in you."

Roy clenched his fist but kept his cool. He had a niggling feeling in the back of his head that that may have been the case but he just didn't want to hear it. But whenever Edward turned away from him, the statement Riza had made would always come back to him: he had blended way too well in Xing.

"Along with that, the issue with not saying much seems more like a mantra than anything. You said that at one point he was brainwashed?"

"That's what I was told."

"Hmm… the mixture of brainwashing and his credence in you finding him could have caused this issue. As I said, I'm not a child psychologist, but I'm giving you some options to discuss with one. He needs to be figured out, Colonel."

"Anything else?"

"Yes, uh… he's been diagnosed with hypnophobia."

"What is that?"

"The fear of sleeping."

"He slept fine all the way back from Xing."

"But does he like it? Does he try and keep awake as much as possible? When he wakes up, does he act like he's in fear? During his sleep, is it normal, or is his breathing rapid or does he tremble?"

Roy thought for a moment and he remembered Riza mentioning that Edward never slept well, just usually conked out at random periods of time.

"I see…"

"I'm sure it has to do with this event. Other than that, he's fine. He's ready to go if you would like to bath him." He said with a small smile.

Roy nodded and went back to his friends. He told them what the doctor said and Maes put his hand on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Roy. I know this is hard for you."

"I'm… going to try something. Hawkeye, come with me in case if fails."

She nodded and walked with him to the room where Edward was.

* * *

Edward was sitting on the bed, swinging his legs and eating the lollipop the nice lady had given him. The door opened and when he looked up, he saw Roy and looked away.

 _("You think you can look me in the eye, little shit? Let's see if you look me in the eyes when I'm done with you.")_

"Edward… Edward, please look at me." He looked up slightly as Roy looked at him. "We're going to take you home now."

As Roy walked closer, Edward's eyes got wider and he almost fell off the bed for trying to get away. Roy sighed and motioned for Riza to come in instead. Seeing Riza, he pointed at her.

"You chased after me." That seemed to be the only thing he knew to call her.

Riza smiled at him and he held out his arms to her as she picked him up. She walked past Roy slowly, knowing Roy was in shambles.

Roy may have been in shambles but he was also irate past any height of anger he had ever had. He was going to find the people who did this and then he was going to torture them.

Slowly.

And without mercy.

* * *

 **again, there is strong indication that roy's mother may have been xingese or had direct xingese ancestry in cannon but no one really addresses this much. anyway, so poor edward at least didn't get anything done himself but... other ways can be done. and i think eventually roy will just burst into his own spontaneous combustion. why can't ed 'see' roy?**

 **we'll be getting into that later actually. and more copplestone to come because... i happen to like that guy *shrug***


	8. Chapter 8

**omg this is super long but chock full of stuffs. sorry about the length but breaking it up would have been anti-climatic**

* * *

Maes watched Roy as they got the tickets for the train ride back to Central as he watched Edward cling to Riza like a baby chick to its mother. He knew that he blamed himself for whatever was happening and even though he didn't want to be jealous of his subordinate, the fact that it seemed like everyone _except_ him could get through to Edward was eating at his soul.

"Roy?"

"Yeah."

"Hey, look at me." Roy looked at him. "If you glare at Hawkeye anymore you'll shoot fire from your eyes at her…"

"What are you talking about? I'm just watching her get tickets."

"With about the same amount of malice as you have for the people who hurt Ed. Roy, she can't help it if Edward feels comfortable around her. Do you think she's doing it on purpose just to hurt you?"

"I know it has nothing to do with her."

"Then why are you staring at her like you could rip her heart out?"

Roy turned away, realizing that Maes was right and he was secretly very angry with her. Maes walked over to his friend and put his hand on his shoulder.

"Look, he'll come around. When we get to Central, I'll see what I can do about a child psychiatrist-"

"He doesn't need one of those."

Maes blinked at his friend.

"Are you serious?"

"Edward can figure it out himself. Now that he's not being brainwashed or used like a whore, I think it's safe to say that he will begin to remember himself."

Maes was going to say something else but Riza walked up and handed them their tickets.

"Here's the rest of the money. Since Edward is under five he gets to ride for free."

Roy took it and pocketed it. He then took out his watch to see what time it was. He wanted to know how long it would be before nightfall.

"Watch."

Roy looked up and saw that Edward was looking at him quite intently.

"What?"

"Watch. Mine." He said, looking between the watch and Roy.

"This is my watch, see?" he said, opening it to show that the inside was clean. "Your watch is back at home. That's where I found your color codes."

Edward seemed to think about it for a minute, as if he were trying to remember what that meant. Roy pointed to the inside of the watch opening.

"Your watch says: 'Don't forget, 3 Oct. 10'. I don't know what it means but it's something special to you."

Edward stared at the watch for a second and then turned away, wrapping his arm around Riza's neck.

"13 53-16 31-8-10…"

Roy sighed and closed the watch, heading to the train platform so that they could go.

* * *

As they rode the train back to Central, Edward was fascinated by the countryside and watched it with keen interest. As he looked at the moving scenery, the three soldiers continued to deliberate what would be done with Edward.

"Well, first things first, we need to get him cleaned up. We didn't have time to really do anything since we needed to get back to Central, but we need to clean him up." Maes said, looking at Edward's clothes. "Second, we need to get him new clothes."

"Agreed." Roy said.

"I think the next thing we should do is try to get him back to normal." Riza said. "I mean, he's not a four year old boy; he's a teenager. He may not remember it, but that's what he was. Maybe we can get Copplestone to replicate his formula and get him back. Who knows? Maybe being his normal age will do something."

"Maybe..." Roy said.

Riza and Maes looked at each other, both noticing the lackluster in their friend's responses.

"Colonel?" He looked up at Riza. "Is there anything we can help you with?"

"Not unless you know how to repair a broken child."

"That's what we're trying to do, Colonel. I know you're upset about the things happening here but we need your input on what we can do. You're his superior, thus you are the one that makes the final decisions of his care."

"And even though he hasn't warmed up to you yet, that doesn't mean that he won't." Maes said.

Roy banged his fist on the side of the train, making Edward look at him and the other two stared.

"Please talk about what we can do to help him. I don't care about what happens between me and him as of right now; I just want to get him back to normal. Whether or not he gets back to normal with _me_ is not a priority. His _sanity_ is. Now, what else can we try?"

Riza looked at Maes and he sighed, deciding to just do what his friend wanted. Bringing up the fact that Edward was avoiding him wasn't that great of an idea but Maes thought that he would try.

"I know you don't think we should do this, but I think we should get someone to talk to Ed about what happened. See if we can figure out who it was."

"And how are you going to get a boy who has been brainwashed into oblivion to talk? Just mentioning some things makes him want to curl up and cry." Roy said.

"That's why… well… that's why I think that Copplestone should talk to him."

Roy and Riza looked at Maes like he was crazy.

"You want to have that maniac talk to Edward?"

"He's not a maniac."

Roy went ballistic.

"Not a maniac? NOT A MANIAC?! He turned my subordinate into a child and then got him sold on the black market! He let his brother die and you say he's not a maniac?!"

"13 53-16 31-8-10." Edward said softly, looking down at the floor.

Roy looked at him and seemed to settle down. He ran his fingers through his hair and Maes sighed.

"I know you think that Copplestone is a maniac but I've talked with him a couple of times and although he's not a child psychiatrist, he's excellent with children. He seems to be genuine with them and children never fear him. I asked the other men on his team what they thought of him and they all said he was odd and strange but when I asked about him and children, all they had was praise. They said that he can talk down teenagers and have them crying in guilt, he can get children to be excited for their chores, make them smile, keep them brave… They said the children loved him no matter where they went and he seemed at ease with them. It wasn't a perverted thing either, because I asked. They all said that if Copplestone wasn't in the army, they swore he would be a teacher or the owner of an orphanage."

"He sounds like a real good Samaritan." Roy growled.

"The point is, Copplestone said he changed Edward into a child for his own purposes of study but maybe it's because he gets along better with kids than adults. He had said that he was going to leave with Edward as soon as he was done and you never got a call from Edward about being in any harm, right? Edward would have known if he were in harm's way and Alphonse would have known too. The only time he called was when he was getting kidnapped."

"That doesn't have any bearing to the issue at hand."

"It _does_. Roy, Copplestone could draw out the things we need to know from Edward that he feels like he can't tell us. I wouldn't suggest something like this if I wasn't for certain that it would work. We need to understand Edward and if he won't talk to us, then maybe he will talk to Copplestone. He has to talk to _somebody_."

Roy looked over at Edward, who seemed to be fighting off sleep as much as he could as he leaned on the back of the seat. Roy didn't like the idea of putting Edward in with someone who would blatantly turn a person into a child, but Maes was right in that Edward never called to say he was in danger until he was being kidnapped. Maes was also right in that they needed to get information from Edward in order to figure out who did this and why and if he wouldn't talk to them then…

Roy took off his jacket and leaned over, laying it over Edward. The jacket encompassed his tiny body and Edward opened his eyes again, looking down at the jacket. At first Roy thought he would go into a panic and throw the jacket off but he leaned over onto Riza and snuggled into the jacket.

"Radium, oxygen, yttrium…" he said, seeming to, for the first time, welcome sleep. "I knew you'd save me."

Roy wanted to cry in both happiness and sadness.

"Yeah, Ed… I'm here…"

"52-8-8 34-57-8-74…" he mumbled, as he put the jacket to his nose and fell asleep almost instantly.

Roy smiled, feeling a sense of hope for the first time in months.

"I don't like the plan, Hughes, but I'll try it. Although I want to talk to him first."

"Really?"

"What just happened shows me that Edward still remembers me but for some reason, he can't 'see' me. It's like I'm invisible to him."

"What did just happen?" Maes asked, truly not understanding.

"Radium, oxygen, yttrium. I remember it from the first thing he coded to us: RaOY = Roy. If he remembers what I smell like then we somehow have to get him to realize that _I'm_ the person the smell belongs to. If Copplestone can get him to realize he's safe and I came for him then…"

"So, you're in for this?"

"Yes."

With new euphoria, they traveled to Central with a little higher hopes than before.

* * *

They finally reached Central and the train stopped at the Central Station. Riza woke Edward up and he opened his eyes. He jumped up and scrambled to the other side of the seat from her but when his eyes finally focused, he realized he wasn't in any danger. He looked at the jacket that was around him and sniffed the material. He knew this scent.

"Edward?" He looked up. He still wasn't sure what an 'edward' was but these people called him that and they seemed to respond favorably if he responded to it. "Are you alright?"

It was an odd question, one that should have had a simple answer of yes or no. Edward wasn't very sure what the right answer should be since, most of the time, any answer either ended in physical abuse or verbal abuse. He decided to use the response that usually avoided physical abuse and that was a nod. To his delight, he was not hurt and he breathed out, pulling the jacket around him tighter.

"Edward, you need to give the Colonel back his jacket." The nice lady who had ran after him told him.

He wished he knew her name… he wished his head wasn't as foggy as it was. Even though he wasn't being brainwashed, the effects of the verbal abuse still had him clawing for memories and the ability to keep memories. It seemed like a moot point to memorize anything that didn't keep him alive, names being one of them. He found she was trying to take off the jacket and he screamed, pulling it back.

"NO!" he yelled, immediately regretting it.

He held fast to the jacket but scrunched up in a ball, knowing he would get beaten for sure for his outburst. He would rather take the physical abuse now, _anything_ to keep the jacket with that man's scent on it. It was hope. It was safety.

It was _Roy_.

"It's alright, Hawkeye, let him keep it. If it makes him feel better then I don't mind."

Not feeling anything touch him, Edward peeked out of the jacket and saw the two other people leave as Riza smiled at him.

"I won't take it away… It will be easier to carry you, though, if you put your arms in the sleeves."

Edward did as she asked and she smiled at him. She then picked him up and he laid his head on her shoulder as they walked out onto the platform.

When Riza got there, Maes was waiting for her and Roy was nowhere to be seen.

"Where did the Colonel go?"

"He went to call Havoc and have him send a car to get us. He also is telling them to send Copplestone to the interrogation room so that Roy can have a talk about Edward."

"Do you really think Copplestone can draw Edward out?"

"In regards to the Edward we know, I doubt he can find him. But I have high hopes in getting him to help us understand what happened so we can avenge Edward's capture and… well, Alphonse's death."

"31-8-10." Edward said softly.

Riza pat his back as Maes smiled.

"He seems pretty attached to Roy's jacket."

"Yeah…"

Roy came back and put his hands in his pockets.

"Havoc said he'll be sending a car to pick us up. If you don't mind, Hawkeye, we will drop you and Edward at your house. Clean him up and make him feel comfortable. Hughes and I will go talk to Copplestone."

"Understood, sir."

They made their way outside to wait for Havoc.

* * *

After dropping off Riza and Edward, Maes and Roy went to headquarters and into the interrogation room. Maes put his hand on Roy's shoulders.

"Now, try to keep a cool head and remember what I said to tell him. I'm going to be listening but don't burn him to a crisp, please."

"I've decided I'm going to save it for the people who did this."

Maes smiled and pat his shoulder again as Roy entered the room.

Beje looked up and grinned.

"Well if it isn't my best friend, the Colonel. You've been gone for a while now. Did you find what you were looking for?"

"Indeed."

"Isn't that a lovely ending to this tragic story? I'm glad everything worked out for you."

"Not quite."

"Oh?" Beje said, turning his head a little. He put his hands on the table and grinned. "What happened?"

"Edward is… broken…"

"As he should be. Did you expect him to be the same?"

"Yes, I did."

Beje laughed. "You're even more delusional than I thought you'd be. If you _actually_ thought that Edward would have any shred of sanity after all this time, you are one hell of an optimist."

Roy clenched his fists but breathed in to keep from lashing out.

"I asked you to be brought here because we would like for you to do two things for us."

"Is that so?"

"One is that we need you to make Edward be normal again. Put him to his normal age."

"Well, that would be a grand idea if I had my notes. If I had them, I'd be happy to help you out."

"Then whenever we find them."

"If you can. I'm sure you'll have to find the men who took your subordinate before you can find my notes."

"We'll cross the bridge when we come to it, but as of right now, I need to know if you are going to fix him if we get them."

"Sure."

"Good. The second thing is that Lieutenant Colonel Hughes said he can get your imprisonment sentence shortened significantly if you will help us understand what happened to Edward."

Beje turned his head. "I don't know what you mean?"

"We know you're no child psychiatrist but I hear you do well with children. Edward is… afraid of us and won't talk. We thought that maybe you could get him to get past his mental block."

"Mental block? What do you mean?"

"He was brainwashed at some point, which is why he didn't bother with alchemy when he could have gotten himself out plenty of times. He was also physically, emotionally, and verbally abused. He also has a suspicious nature towards anyone with black hair… mostly me…"

"Hmm. Yeah, that sounds about right."

"So will you help us?"

"I'll do what I can. Like you said, I ain't no psychiatrist… but this isn't because you want to find those people, is it?"

"What do you mean? Of course it is."

"No it's not. You're not telling me something. That last thing about black haired people. Come on Roy-B- Roy, you're wanting to know a little bit more information."

Roy made a face at him as Beje waited patiently.

"Fine. He doesn't seem to see me. It's as if I'm invisible to him although he says almost every time 'Roy will save me, he always comes.'. When I said that I was Roy he got very angry and refused to believe it. He gets scared when I try to get near him, cowering and saying the same thing over and over about me saving him. But then… I put my jacket on him on the train and he remembered my scent. How can he know my scent but not know my face?"

Beje put his chin in his hand and smirked.

"You've never seen a brainwash victim then, have you?"

"I've seen plenty."

"Ah, then let me rephrase that: you've never seen a brainwashed _child_ have you?"

"No…"

"The deal is that he doesn't believe you are who you say you are. His mind has blocked your image from him because he's been tricked many times before. A child's brain is easy to manipulate if you know what you're doing."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm pretty sure when he said that little phrase that the men who had him used it against him. It's like the boy who cried wolf. Have you ever heard that story, Roy?" Roy said nothing. "It's about a boy who liked to play with the town's people. 'Help, help, the wolf is coming to eat me.' He'd say. The villagers would come and he would laugh at them, telling them how silly they were for believing his little lie. Time after time he did this and after a while, the villagers stopped believing him. Then one day, a _real_ wolf came. 'Help, help, the wolf is coming to eat me.' He yelled. But the villagers didn't believe him and he was eaten, torn the shreds.

"Think about it Colonel: how many times do you think those people who had Edward cried wolf? Once? Twice? It's been almost a year or so since you've seen him and I'm sure there's been a lot of wolves. After a while, you stop believing the wolf is coming."

"So…"

Beje scoffed. "I'm going to blame this on being so focused on trying to find the kid that you're not thinking straight and not that maybe you're this idiotic. Whenever Edward would yell for you, someone would say that you were there. It gave him hope, he'd get excited, and then it wasn't you, but someone else. I'm sure with that false indication he would be abused in some way. As the old saying goes: fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me."

"So people would pose as me then turn it around on him?" Roy said, getting very angry.

"Bingo, we have a winner."

"All Edward sees is a person; he forgot what I looked like?"

"It would seem so. But damn does he put faith in you. If he still believes you're coming to rescue him, even after you already have, then I say that's dedication."

"One more thing… while on the journey to find him, we found different codes he left in regards to the periodic table. Heading out to Xing, we found one in the Xerxes ruins that said: I lost faith in you… yet, he still keeps saying I'm coming."

"Sounds like two minds are working together. The one that believes in you, holds fast to never doubting your abilities to find him, and the one that has seen too many wolves and none of them are his savior. Like I said, fool me twice…"

"After he says that I'm coming to save him, he always says this: A-56-60-8-10-D. I'm not really sure what that means."

Beje seemed surprised and then looked at Roy sadly, genuinely sympathetic towards the man.

"I'm going to say this as someone who cares about the kid: get some sleep."

Roy fumed. "This isn't a fucking game-"

"I'm not _saying_ it's a game, _sir_." Beje snarled at him, taking Roy off guard. "You were obviously too preoccupied with saving Edward than with what he was saying. After you found him, you didn't think to check what he was rattling off? His babble has meaning, those _numbers_ have meaning. Get your head together, Mustang, before you fuck the whole thing up again! You've already taken way too long in your dreary little head of sorrow to try and find him and now you can't even understand what's happening? What's _happened_?! I _refuse_ to tell you what that means because you need to discover it yourself. I feel sorry for what's happened but I feel more sorry for Edward than I do you and what you have to do about the broken boy. I'd fucking fear you too… and he has every right to think that you are just another wolf of lore. You're nothing but a ruse… the cry of a wolf that isn't even there."

Roy got up and left, not wanting to deal with Beje any longer.

* * *

Maes watched Beje as he stared at Roy's empty seat. He banged his fists on the table and put his head in his hands. He only said one thing: "He had every right to lose faith in you, Colonel Roy Mustang… because you're _too slow_."

* * *

 **so roy's been too focused on one thing to see the other and it even pissed off beje, the most cucumbery of cool in the story so far. what could be so bad about these numbers? _DarkFlameFantasy_ already figured it out but anyone is welcome to do their research or be good and just wait for the big reveal haha. anyway, everyone is back home now and we can start looking for those dickholes who stole ed!**

 **oh jsyk: when beje was wondering about roy's belief that edward would still be mentally okay is because before learning about roger's brainwashed discovery, he thought maybe edward fought back and still hoped he did even on the way to find him.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry for the delay in updates, I haven't had the groove. Hopefully out of it so enjoy.**

* * *

"Edward splashed water in the tub as one of the little floating toys went by and he watched it get into a small frenzy by the wave he had made. Riza chuckled and lathered up a rag with a bar of soap.

"Come on now, we need to get you cleaned up."

He was happy to oblige and stood up in the tub as Riza washed him quite extensively. If this had been a fluke in alchemy and Edward had been reduced to a child and she had been tasked with this job, she would feel quite odd doing it. But for some reason, knowing what they had to do and knowing what Edward may have had to go through, Riza didn't feel odd about washing the boy she knew and didn't even blush at washing the private areas. Not that Riza was ashamed either way, but she was familiar with the birds and the bees and it would have been awkward for anyone.

"Alright, I'm going to let the water out and wrap you up in a towel, alright?"

Edward nodded and she grabbed the large towel on the toilet seat. She unfolded it and then wrapped it around Edward so he was warm and she lifted him out of the water. She let the water out of the tub but Edward made a noise and he watched with intensity as the water went down the drain. She let him watch and when it was gone, he looked at her in confusion.

"Where?" he asked.

"Riza smiled. "It's gone."

"Gone?" He looked back at the tub and then back to Riza. "Gone…"

He seemed like he was contemplating it and Riza decided it was a good time to go back to the bedroom and get him changed into some clean clothes. She set him on the bed and dried him off when she noticed that he had a lot of scars all over him. Some were fresh, others were healing, and some had healed a long time ago. Crescent shaped ones were littered all up and down his arms and she touched the few that seemed fresh.

"Where did you get these?" she asked softly.

Edward looked at the scars and looked down at the floor.

"Master Tang…"

Riza was happy to be getting somewhere past encrypted words and fear. He seemed to opening up a little now that there wasn't someone always trying to get information from him or causing triggers.

"What made them?" she asked casually, wanting Edward to feel comfortable talking to her.

Edward thought for a moment and then touched Riza's arm. He wrapped his hand around her forearm and squeezed his fingers against it until she felt his fingernails go into her skin. He let go and there were indentions of the same type of marks on her own skin.

"I see… You have a lot of them."

"I don't like it when they try to make me do stuff." He said, looking down a little. "I don't like being touched."

Riza stopped touching him immediately and was at a loss as to what to do.

"I wasn't aware of the touching…"

Edward grabbed her arms quickly.

"No! Don't leave…"

"I'm not going anywhere."

"T-T-Touching… I meant… I meant…" He seemed unsure of how to explain himself. He just decided to point. "There."

Riza looked and then nodded quickly, understand quite well. She smiled and put the towel over his head so she could dry his hair.

"I would never do that."

"I know because you're the one who ran after me."

Riza smiled and rubbed where his hair was to make him dry and then threw the towel to the side. She grabbed the clothing and put it on him and she ran her fingers through his hair a little bit.

"Would you like to get your hair cut?"

"Will it hurt?"

"No, it won't hurt."

He touched his automail hand to hers and looked up.

"Why am I different?"

Riza smiled and touched his little hand, finding it odd how the serum he was given even turned the automail 'young' so to speak.

"You had an accident a long time ago."

Edward looked at his hand and narrowed his eyes at it for a second. His eyes then went downcast and he looked away.

"31-8-10…"

 _Oh no, not the numbers again…_ Riza thought to herself as she picked Edward up and set him on the ground.

"I'll go find a brush and brush your hair. I'll even put it in a braid for you-"

"No! No, I don't want it! I DON'T WANT IT!" he screamed, walking backwards away from her.

"Okay, okay! I won't… what _do_ you want?" she asked, trying to sound calm.

He looked around in a panic for a moment and then shook his head.

"Off… I don't want it. I want it off."

"Alright, I can cut your hair for you." He nodded and she held out her hand. "Come on, let's go find some scissors."

He took it and they walked off.

* * *

Roy was still thinking about everything that had happened when he seemed to finally realize that Maes was talking to him.

"What did you say?" He asked, shaking his head of current thoughts.

"I said who is he supposed to stay with? He seems more comfortable with Hawkeye but I'm sure you won't allow that."

"Actually that would be a good idea, considering... considering Al's armor is there. I can only sift through one bout of madness at a time."

Maes nodded but could tell Copplestone's outburst had really hit him hard.

"We'll figure it out, Roy. You saved Edward; he's in safe hands. Now all we have to do is make him realize that you are the one he's been waiting for. 'Roy will save me', that's what he says. You've done that and now we have to get him to get past the trauma, the fogginess of brain washing, the horrors of that place, and back to normal. He trusts you, _you_ , Roy... We just have to do a little word association."

Roy nodded and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I'm going to go check on him a Hawkeye's."

"You going to stay there or at my place?"

Roy smirked. "Depends on her tolerance and Edward's stability. I don't want him to push me away any further than I am."

Maes nodded and they parted ways.

* * *

Roy got to Riza's apartment and knocked on the door. She opened it and smiled at him.

"I think you'll be happy to see him now. He's all clean and looking a little more like the Edward we knew."

"Good..." He said, truly unsure if that's what he wanted to see or not.

Riza led him to the kitchen where Edward was sitting at the table. Edward looked up and seemed to cower slightly but looked like he was trying to be brave. Roy just smiled at him as kindly and naturally as he could and followed Riza to the stove.

"You didn't say anything." She said quietly.

"There's no point in it. He doesn't know who I am. All I can do is be kind to him and hope he'll eventually trust me again."

"Will Copplestone talk with him?"

"Yeah, he said he would..."

Riza could tell something was bothering him as she threw the ground beef into her pan to brown.

"You want to tell me what's going on? This whole ordeal has taken quite a toll on everyone, you the most because you feel responsible."

Roy looked at Edward, who was drawing on a sheet of paper, and leaned on the counter. He smiled a little when Edward gasped and looked back at him, as if he knew he were being watched. He looked at Roy for a moment and then got off of the chair, running to the couch. Roy watched him as he grabbed his jacket and put it on, the jacket engulfing the boy ten times over. He noticed that his hair was cut now that he was standing but he also noticed that Edward was hugging himself and sniffing his sleeve. Riza looked over at him and then turned to where he was looking. Edward looked up and locked eyes with Roy, as if he were challenging him.

"Roy will save me." He held up an arm. "See? He _always_ comes."

Roy turned his head a little and decided to try something.

"Where is Roy?" Edward turned his head. "You have his jacket, so where is he?"

Edward thought for a second and then his eyes went downcast, misting over.

"52-8-8 34-57-8-74... A-56-60-8-10-D..." He said, ending in tears.

Riza scowled at her superior as Edward wiped his tears with the sleeve of Roy's coat.

"Stir this." She grumbled, going over to Edward.

He began to cry harder, wrapping his arms around Riza's neck.

"Roy will save me! He always comes! He always comes!"

Riza could only give her heart out to the broken child as she picked him up. Roy was focusing on cooking the meat, trying to keep it together. Watching what had just occurred made Copplestone's words even more true and it pissed him off so much that he wasn't sure if the steam was only coming from the pan and no this rage as well. The boy couldn't see him, even when he was right in front of him. _Too many wolves..._ he thought.

"Alright, now I'm serious, Colonel. As your friend, I want to know what the hell that was. What good was it to make him cry?"

"I asked Copplestone why Edward wouldn't recognize me when I'm right here and he said too many wolves."

"Wolves?"

"That phrase, 'Roy will save me'; he says it because he can't see me. My face is not recognizable because those bastards made it that way. They used his faith to screw up his mind. Copplestone said that what most likely happened was that he would say that phrase and someone would say I was there but it wouldn't be me. Then, that person would hurt him, and his faith would reboot, so to speak. After a while, the faces became irrelevant to him because he believes now that anyone claiming to be me is not me and thus, a threat, thus, not his savior. He... He believes in the _idea_ of me but his mind is so jacked up that 'seeing is believing' doesn't work on him... I'll have to earn it." He laughed humorlessly as tears clouded his vision. "I'll have to prove my own god damned worth... I have to fucking _earn_ my own fucking name all because they cried wolf too many times."

Riza reached over and turned the stove off. She moved the pan from his hands and made him turn to her. He broke in her arms, crying from exhaustion, fear, sadness, anger, everything.

Edward came out of the bedroom now that he was okay and slowly walked to the kitchen. He saw Riza hugging Roy and turned his head at them. His mind was confused at the tenderness Riza showed and the sadness rolling off Roy's demeanor. He couldn't remember any black haired people giving off such a strong emotion and definitely not any blonde haired people being so kind to the other. He only remembered the black haired people did very bad things to blonde haired people but this was different. This was something he'd seen before, felt once, but he couldn't place it.

Roy pulled back and Riza smiled a little.

"I need some sleep." Roy said with a laugh.

Riza nodded. "I think so too. You can take my bed for tonight."

He nodded and he turned, finding Edward there. They stared for a moment and Edward blinked a little.

"You alright?" Roy asked.

Edward nodded and shimmied just a little closer.

"I... I... You're nice!" He said, running behind the couch.

Riza and Roy looked at each other in confusion but Roy was too tired to understand the leap that had been made and a way into Edward's muddled and locked mind.

* * *

 **I promise we will move forward in the next chapter and stop with Roy's woe is me stuff. He's gonna get a solid night sleep and be able to think now. Cuz if he'd been thinking, he'd have seen the progress he missed with Ed just approaching him, shuffle or not. But, could it go forward or will the interview make set backs**


	10. Chapter 10

Screaming.

So much screaming.

It was as if a banshee had escaped Hell and pierced his ears with screams.

The screaming was also broken up with cries of a name. Not really a name but a word. It meant something to Edward, although he didn't want to open his eyes. It was too scary. The word suddenly turned into a coded message but Edward was so scared that he couldn't figure it out. He cowered in the corner, holding himself and wishing someone would come and save him. Suddenly, the screaming stopped and he finally opened his eyes. He looked around for a little bit, cold air blowing through wherever he was when he spotted a pile in the corner on the ground. After staring at it for a few moments, Edward crawled over to it and looked inside.

* * *

"Edward! Edward! Wake up!"

Edward woke up, finding himself sweating and breathing hard. Riza was looking at him with worry.

"Edward?"

He turned to her and launched into her arms, burying his face into her chest.

"What happened?" She asked softly.

He shuddered, trying to catch his bearings. The nice blonde lady was here. Roy's jacket was about him... He was safe..."

"Scary dream..." He mumbled.

Riza smiled and touched his head softly.

"Will you be alright?"

He nodded, not wanting to leave from the comfort of having her so near.

Riza smiled and pushed him from her to look at him.

"You need to get some sleep, Edward, you have a big day tomorrow. You'll need to be good and rested."

He lifted his head a little.

"What does edward mean?"

"What do you mean? It's your name." Riza said with a bit of concern. "Why do you ask?"

"The people have been calling me that but I didn't know what it was... I didn't know I had a name."

"Everyone has names... What did they call you in that place?"

"Jin Wawa... Mr. Tang said it meant 'golden child'."

"I see... If you didn't know what Edward was then why did you act like you did?" She asked, genuinely curious about the decision to take on a name he mentally seemed to not understand.

"I... I just... I didn't wanna make him mad! The black haired man that came to the place. He... He kept calling me that and when I acted like l knew what he was saying, he didn't yell at me." He looked away. "I just didn't want you to hurt me..."

The explanation seemed clear enough, given the circumstances. He'd been conditioned to seek the path of least pain, doing whatever it took to keep himself alive and away from affliction. If answering to a name he'd didn't know got favorable results and no pain, why wouldn't he go along with it?

"Are you mad at me?" He asked tears in his eyes and a pleading look. "I won't ask again. Honest. Please don't hurt me..."

Riza sighed and reached to pull him to her. He flinched but she gathered him in her arms and pulled him into her lap. He looked up as she moved a hair out of her face.

"I could never be mad and I would never hurt you. None of us would hurt you."

"Even... Even the black haired man?"

"Most definitely him. He would never, _ever_ hurt you. He wants to help you, just like me. He wants to save you."

Edward thought about it for a moment and sunk into her arms as well as the jacket.

"Edward is my name?"

"Edward Elric. We didn't make it up or anything."

He looked up quizzically. "What's _your_ name?"

"Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye."

Edward's eyes brightened and for the first time since his rescue, he laughed.

"That's a funny name."

As soon as his mouth upturned into a smile, as if he'd been stung, he gasped and immediately stopped. He looked away and fighter in Riza's lap.

"I- I'm sorry. I won't do it again. I promise."

"It's alright, Edward, it's perfectly alright to laugh."

He looked at her tentatively. He'd heard things like this before and he'd been foolish enough to believe it. But this was the nice blonde lady... She would never be that cruel... Right?

"It... It's okay?"

"Of course."

He nodded, although still not trusting the news. He'd believe it when he saw it.

"My name is Edward?"

"Or Ed."

"And you're Lieutenant?"

"That's my rank. My first name is Riza."

"Riza... I like that."

Riza slid down to lay back.

"I like it too."

"Does... Does the nice black haired man have a name?"

Riza hesitated. She didn't want to dismiss Roy but telling Edward that his name was Roy seemed like bad idea. She feared he would go off the deep end again and she had made so much progress in so little time...

"You can call him Colonel."

"Oh..." He yawned and snuggled up to her. "I'm sleepy."

As if on cue, he fell asleep almost instantly.

* * *

Roy woke up to the smell of breakfast and mumbled something in his sleep before opening his eyes. He sat up and although there was a crick in his neck from sleeping on the couch, the sleep had definitely rejuvinated his mind and body. He stretched a little and leaned on the back of the couch, trying to wake up.

"Good morning, Colonel." Riza said.

He looked over at her in the doorway.

"Morning... where's Ed?"

"Uh..."

"Rar!" He said, popping up from behind the couch.

Roy looked over in surprise and Edward smiled. It was the first time Roy had seen him smile since he was rescued and his heart swelled.

"Were you scared?"

"Most definitely."

"I'm a goat! Rar!"

Roy looked at Riza and she shrugged.

"Not aure about that one. He just decided that on his own."

"Are you gonna eat with us, Colonel?" Edward asked.

Roy looked at Riza again and she moved her head from him to follow her into the kitchen.

"Uh, yeah, I am." He said, anseering Edward's question as he followed Riza.

Edward watched them curiously.

* * *

"He called me Colonel... Does he know?"

"No. He was asking about names last night and asked ehat ours were. I figured it was easier and less detrimental if I said your name was Colonel. If ehat you say is right about his recognition, then insisting you wefe someone he believes you aren't would have only caused issues, I'm sure."

"Agreed..." Roy watched Edward as he crawled on the floor in his play. "He looks like a regular kid."

"His mind is free to do what it wants without fear of being tortured in one way or another."

Riza walked over to the stove and looked in the pot of boiling water.

"Eggs should be done soon. Seeing him so happy almost makes me want to not have Copplestone talk to him."

"True, but we need apprehend those black market men. The fact that they think they can steal children and get away with it needs to be addressed. We also have to get Ed back to normal _somehow_. He's not a four year old boy, but a teenager. I mean, what about alchemy?"

"I've been trying about all that too. It's just... after seeing him so broken and now that he's halfway decent, making him remember seems cruel."

"I know what you mean but... we _have_ to. I also need to look up those abbreviations again. Now that I'm clear headed, I can finally *think*."

"This will be a long road."

"True."

Edward ran in and hid behind Riza.

"Riza, Riza! There's a black haired man outside! Don't let him take me!"

Riza and Roy looked at each other when there was a knock at the door. Roy got up and opened it, finding Maes.

"Oh, it's you."

"Who'd you think? How's Ed?"

"Very well, actually. Quite lively."

Maes smiled bright, knowing how much Roy had waited for that.

"I'm so happy for you!"

"You'll have to be cautious though because he's afraid of your hair."

"Ah, I see."

He walked in as Riza came in with Edward clinging to her tightly.

"Morning, Lieutenant Colonel."

"Morning."

Edward peeked from Riza's chest and looked at Maes with curious eyes. He looked back at Riza.

"He got the same name."

"It's a little different. That's Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes, or just Maes."

Edward watched Maes for a moment.

"Is he a nice black haired man too?"

"He's even nicer than me." Roy said with a small smile.

Edward's eyes widened, looking at Roy.

"Even nicer than _you_?" He said, seeming truly astonished.

Maes' heart went out to him, seeing how amazed an act of kindness seemed to him. The fact that these emotions were so foreign to him now when he used to have problems just keeping them at bay before -not wanting people to even know he had them- just made the scenario that much more heart wrenching.

"Yup, he's ten times nicer than me." Roy added.

Edward turned to stare at Maes in awe and Roy smiled.

"I promise that here, a lot of black haired people are nice. They would never hurt you. Not while I'm here anyway."

"Or me."

"Or me. We won't let anyone _ever_ hurt you like that again, Ed."

Edward gasped, looking at Riza. "He knows my name!"

"Of course I do, we're friends."

"Friends?" He thought for a second and looked at sheepishly at Riza. "What are those?"

Riza smiled, putting her forehead to his. "They're people who care about you and will protect you always."

Edward seemed to understand.

"Roy is my friend." Roy stiffened at his name. "He _must_ be because he always protects me!"

Roy looked away and Edward smiled, seeming pleased to have made the connection. He looked at Maes' military uniform and suddenly became serious. He looked at his 'new' friends and then went back to the uniform. He had Roy's jacket... He looked quizzically at Riza.

"Riza, Roy is my friend, right?"

"Of course. He's more than that though."

"He'd cross deserts for you... Never sleep if anything ever happened to you..." Roy said quietly.

"You know him?" He asked.

"Yeah... Pretty well."

He looked straight at him and turned his head.

"Then where is he? Where's Roy?"

* * *

 **Aaaaand lets put another knife wound in Roy's heart.**

 **Sorry if it was short but we needed a little bit of rainbows and starlight before things could get stormy. Eds recovery is actually not quick but more like his brain is breathing haha.**

 **and I don't know why Ed thinks goats roar. Why shouldn't there? They're kinda weird...**


	11. Chapter 11

"Where's Roy?"

The answer was so simple. It was so simple that it made Roy want to cry. He was right there. _Right there_ … But Edward couldn't see him. All he saw was a man with black hair. The image of him had been skewed by false proclamations and horrible consequences and he would never be able to see him for who he was.

"He's at headquarters." Maes said, answering Edward's question. "He's at headquarters and is going to help us to help you."

Edward's eyes brightened. "Really?!"

"Really." He said, looking at Roy. "What do you remember about Roy, Edward? Do you know what he looks like?"

Edward suddenly became very scared and clung to Riza.

"No! No, I don't know… I don't know anything about it."

Riza glared at Maes but Roy was interested in this particular conversation. It seemed like it might help.

"Did they hurt you, Ed? If you didn't tell them what Roy looked like, did they say they would hurt you?"

"No! No, no, no, no! I don't wanna!" he cried, seeming genuinely scared to answer.

"I think we should leave the questions to Copplestone." Riza said, heading back into the kitchen.

Maes looked at Roy as he looked at him.

"Let me get dressed and go with you to see Copplestone. I want to put some request questions in whatever he had planned."

Maes made a face at him. "What do you have planned, Roy?"

"Don't worry… I think I may have a plan."

Maes didn't really like where things looked to be heading but at least everyone was happy and halfway decent this morning because he had a feeling the clouds would definitely descend pretty quickly by the end of the night.

* * *

Copplestone awaited Roy and his gang to come and have him interrogate a poor defenseless child that was half confused and half scared of everything that had to do with the man. He wished with all his might that what he could do for Edward would change things but Edward had to see who Roy was for himself and Roy had to be patient and let it happen. Neither of them were going to let it happen and one of them had the ability to try.

As if on cue, Roy and Maes walked into the interrogation room and Copplestone smiled at them.

"Colonel, Lieutenant Colonel. So wonderful to see you. Where's the kid?"

"Hawkeye will be bringing him shortly. What exactly did you have planned for him?" Roy asked, sitting across from Copplestone.

"Flashcards. Kids love them and they teach an easy lesson."

"Flashcards?" Maes said. "What do you mean?"

Copplestone leaned over and picked up some cards from the ground and put them on the table. He lifted one up and Roy saw the word **FULLMETAL** on it.

"I hold this card up and ask him what this word means to him. He tells the first thing he thinks of. Anything with a definitive answer gets taken out of the pile but those he can't answer get pushed to the back. The trick is to understand what he identifies other things with. For example, if I asked him what **FULLMETAL** meant to him, he could either say his automail or he may say a suit of armor… he may say nothing. We _need_ to know how he associates things so that we can get a better picture of how he thinks."

"What other cards do you have in there?"

Copplestone showed him the rest of the cards and Roy nodded.

"May I add a couple more? There's been a couple of discoveries that I would like to try and get a hold of."

Copplestone frowned. "It really depends on what you want to put. These are words I picked specifically because they were less triggering. I don't need the kid to go into hysterics."

They worked on the flashcards for a moment when the door opened and Riza walked in with Edward. Roy looked over and smiled, getting up and kneeling to him.

"Hey, Edward."

"Hi, Colonel." He said softly.

"I want you to meet someone. He's a nice man." He said, holding Edward's hand.

Edward held fast to his finger as Roy brought him over and picked him up.

"This is Beje Copplestone, he's a friend of ours."

"Hello, Edward." Edward waved a little. "Do you mind if I have a little chat with you?"

Edward looked at Roy in confusion as Roy sat him down in the chair.

"Mr. Copplestone is going to talk with you for just a little bit. Me and Maes and Riza are going to be behind that wall right there." Roy pointed at the two way mirror. "We'll be right there."

"Why?"

"Because Mr. Copplestone needs your full attention and we don't want you to have anymore issues. He's just going to show you a few things and you tell him what you want, okay?"

"Okay…"

Roy smiled and the three officers left to watch from the other half of the room.

* * *

Copplestone smiled kindly at Edward and shuffled his flashcards a little. He flipped them over and saw the first thing and then put it to the back. The second one was better and he smiled at Edward.

"Can you tell me what this means?"

He held up the word **ALCHEMY** to Edward. Edward looked at it for a moment and then looked at Copplestone.

"I don't read good."

"Oh, I'm sorry. It says 'alchemy'."

Edward thought about it for a second and then clapped his hands, placing it on the wood, and made the wood turn into a statue of sorts. Copplestone smiled and Edward looked at him.

"Is that right?"

"There are no right or wrong answers. You answer how you feel like answering."

Edward had heard this before and wanted nothing to do with it. Last time he answered how he felt he got a good punch in the gut. He didn't feel like doing that today.

Copplestone could see the reservation on his face and he put the cards down, looking at Edward calmly.

"Edward?" He looked up and Copplestone smiled. "You don't believe me, do you?"

Edward gulped, unsure of how to answer. If he said no he may get hit but if he said yes…

"Y-yes…"

Copplestone sighed, knowing he was just saying that because he feared getting hurt. He needed Edward's trust in order to move forward or he would never fully display his true thoughts.

"You know who Roy is, right?"

Edward brightened. "Roy is my friend!"

"No he isn't. Roy is a jerk."

Edward's eyebrows furrowed. "Roy is my friend. Roy will save me."

The fact that was still using the future tense troubled Copplestone but he had to press forward.

"No he won't. He's not going to come and save you at all."

* * *

Roy wanted to climb through the glass and throttle Copplestone. After all this time and he was making Edward think that he wasn't coming.

"Roy, give him a second."

"What the hell is he doing?!"

"Give him a minute. We did this because Copplestone knows kids. He obviously has a plan. He knows what he's doing."

Roy gritted his teeth but watched on.

* * *

Edward's eyebrows furrowed more.

"Yes he is. Roy is going to come and save me like he _always_ does."

"If you say that he's going to save you again, there will be consequences." Copplestone said, glaring at Edward. "Now I'm telling you that Roy _isn't_ coming."

Edward suddenly launched across the table at Copplestone, making them fall over and began to hit him.

"Roy will save me! He always saves me! He's coming! Roy is going to come and save me and he's here and he'll keep me safe!"

Copplestone let him continue to hit him as tears fell down Edward's cheeks and he began to cry.

"You don't know him… he'll come…"

Copplestone sat up and pulled Edward to him, holding him gently.

Edward suddenly realized what he had done and gasped, scrambling from Copplestone but he looked at him softly.

"Edward, I won't hurt you. No matter what you say or what you do, I won't hurt you. I promise."

Edward swallowed a little and Copplestone stood back up.

"Do you believe me?"

Edward didn't want to but he had just hit the man really hard –and in the face- and even though he had said there would be consequences, he hadn't done anything to him. In fact, he actually held him like Riza did and he didn't feel scared at all. The man had lied but it was in a good way.

Edward finally nodded and Copplestone smiled, seeing that it was from his own actions, not out of fear.

"I'm glad. Please sit down again for me." Edward did as he said as he sat down as well. "Now I promise that whatever you say about the words I show you are neither right nor wrong. It's all about what you think of them, alright?" Edward nodded. "Okay. Oh and I know Roy will save you."

Edward smiled. "He always comes."

"That's right. He does." Copplestone said, looking at the two way mirror.

* * *

Roy glared at the two as Maes looked on, impressed.

"That was an interesting way to gain his trust."

Roy tightened his crossed arms, sulking. Riza smiled a little and put her hand on her superior's arm.

"Sir, don't take it personally."

"It pisses me off that everyone can gain his trust but me, the one he's been waiting for."

"We know but this is what this exercise is for, Roy. If you're going to be all pissy boots about it, then maybe you should just let me and Lieutenant Hawkeye watch the interrogation and you go find out what those numbers he always says are. Maybe if you find out what they mean, it will help _you_ get into his mind."

"Hughes is right, Colonel. In the beginning, mentioning you was a trigger to him, making him speak in code. He was talking to you, but you didn't understand. Maybe you should go look then up?"

Roy looked back in and saw that Copplestone had the **ALCHEMY** sign back up and Edward was standing up, clapping his hands. He turned the table into a rocking horse and Copplestone laughed.

"Very good. That's quite impressive. Now can you turn it back?"

Roy sighed. "Fine, I'll go and take a look. It won't take me long…"

He left to go to the library and look up the numbers he had written down earlier.

* * *

After the first initial flashcard game, Copplestone motioned for Maes to come in and they let Edward go with Riza.

"You saw I assume?"

"Of course. I see you didn't show him some of the ones we asked you to."

"There were too many close calls as it was. I didn't think **FULLMETAL** was going to be one but you saw how he acted." He pulled out one and held it up. "Did you really think ALPHONSE was going to be a good idea? I thought ARMOR was going to have him in shambles."

"You're right. It was too risky."

Copplestone leaned on his hand. "Where is ole Roy-Boy? I thought he'd clobber in here like the oaf he is."

"He went to do some research."

Copplestone smiled sadly. "Ah, I see."

Maes looked at his watch. "He should be back by now. I wonder what's taking him so long."

Copplestone hit the cards on the table to straighten them.

"I'm pretty sure you'll find him wherever he's doing his research."

Maes could tell he knew something.

"What do you know? You look a little smug."

"I'm not smug at all." He looked up. "I feel sorry for the guy. If he's doing the research I think he is, he's in for a rude awakening."

Maes frowned and ordered Copplestone to be taken back to his cell.

* * *

Maes headed toward the library and just as Copplestone had said, Roy was still there.

"Roy? Hey, I thought you would be done by now?"

He didn't say anything and Maes went to the table he was at.

"Roy? What's wrong?"

Roy had his face in his hands and looked up at Maes. He could see that Roy's eyes were red and he became concerned.

"Roy? What happened? Tell me what's going on."

"A-56-60-8-10-D. That's what he would say after he would say I was coming to save him."

"Yeah…"

Roy slid a piece of paper over to Maes and he looked down at it, reading what it said. He looked back at Roy, who was smiling sadly. Maes looked at it again.

"Are you sure?"

"The elements don't lie, Maes… A-56-60-8-10-D is the letter A, barium, neodymium, oxygen, neon, and the letter D. If I put the abbreviations for the elements together with the letters, I get A-Ba-Nd-O-Ne-D." He looked at Maes, tears filling his eyes as anger welled up within him. "He can't see me because he never believed I was coming and he _still_ doesn't." He pointed at the paper. " _This_ is how he feels and when he speaks my name, he may say I'm coming but _this_ is how he really feels: abandoned."

* * *

 **and the truth is finally revealed.**


	12. Chapter 12

**sorry for lack of updates. i've been without inspiration for a bit and sorry if this is short**

* * *

Edward drew a picture on the paper in front of him at the kitchen table with Riza behind him making something for dinner. He was humming happily and Riza smiled while she was cooking, happy to know that Edward was happy.

"Lookie!"

Riza turned as Edward held out a picture to her and she smiled grabbing it. Her smile faded for a second but came back when she looked at Edward. She put the stove on low and bent down to him.

"Can you tell me who these people are?"

"That's me!" he said, pointing to the small blond haired boy on the paper. "And that's you." He said, pointing to the tall blond person in blue. "See? We're holding hands."

"I see… and what is this?" she asked, pointing to a purposefully colored black speck way off in the distance.

Edward stared at it for a second and frowned.

"I dunno."

Riza could tell he was trying to figure it out when she pointed to the picture of him.

"What's this?"

Edward smiled and pointed.

"Those are arms."

"I see that but who do they belong to?"

Edward frowned and stepped back, looking at her.

"They… they protect me… I-"

* * *

 _BROTHER! BROTHER, HELP ME!_

* * *

"No! No, no, no! Stop it!" Edward yelled, hitting his head frantically.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

"It keeps calling me…"

* * *

 _"Roy will save me like he always does! He'll turn you into ashes and kick your ass while he's at it. Hell, he may even kick your ass while you're ash so that no one will find you. You're in for it, I'm telling ya."_

 _"Roy? As in Roy Mustang in the Amestris army?"_

 _"Yeah, I'm sure you've heard of him."_

 _"Can't believe we didn't recognize you all this time. You're that little alchemy boy that he took under him. You look a lot different than what we imagined."_

 _"It's not my fault I'm like this. Roy will put me back to normal."_

 _"Well you know what? I'm glad you said something because I remember seeing that guy sneaking around."_

 _"Really?"_

 _"Yeah, I think Byles saw some activity over there by that tree. We've been acting like we can't see him…"_

 _Edward went to check out the tree but was punched solidly in the gut when he got there, making him lose the air in his lungs. He doubled over and felt another kick in the stomach._

 _"Roy! Help! Please… Please… I need you…"_

 _The men laughed as another one came over and began to kick him as well._

 _"He's abandoned you, kid. No one cares about you. No one's going to come!"_

 _"You're wrong! He'll save me! He knows I'm missing and will come and find me! YOU'RE WRONG!"_

 **Be strong, Brother… Don't break… Remember what you told me that soldiers used to do?**

 _"That doesn't work here." Edward mumbled, his eyes shut so tight he thought his eyelids would tear._

 **You can use it in a different way. All they're doing is taunting you, torturing you… Use it to disappear…**

 _"Disappear?" he whispered, his face getting pushed deeper into a mud hole._

 **He abandoned you and you know it. It's been months and he hasn't come. You and I both know he'd be here by now, but he isn't. You have to face the facts that he isn't coming…**

 _"You're wrong…"_

 **I'm not wrong; lock yourself away. You just need to survive. Let everything go and survive. Live.**

 ** _What soldiers do… Do what soldiers do…_**

 _"57-53-23. 38-23-53-23."_

 _"What'd he say?"_

 _Edward felt himself being pulled out of the mud and held in midair._

 _"What did you say you little shit?"_

 ** _Stay alive so Roy can come… He always comes… I know that for sure. He didn't abandon me… I know he didn't…_**

 _"Gah, he's just babbling nonsense now. He's cracked. Let's get the rest of them rounded up and head out."_

 _"A-56-60-8-10-D… A-56-60-8-10-D"_

* * *

"No! No, no, no, no!" Riza yelled, getting on the floor next to Edward, who was in the fetal position repeating numbers. "No, please, Edward! Edward, snap out of it!"

Edward didn't hear her and just kept repeating the numbers. She grabbed a hold of him and held him to her, rocking back and forth on the floor with him.

"Please don't revert back… Please… We just got you to semi-normal…"

Riza buried her nose in Edward's hair, just rocking with him as he shook violently in her arms, repeating numbers in a sequence that didn't make sense. Riza wished she could be as smart as Edward or Roy in regards to the periodic table of elements so that she _could_ make sense of the numbers but she was too busy trying to keep herself calm and get Edward back to normal to care.

After what seemed like hours, Edward finally stopped shaking and Riza lifted her head from his and moved her hand, putting it on Edward's forehead to pull his head back and look at his face. He was staring at nothing but his golden eyes were wet and puffy from where he must have been crying. His eyes were slightly bloodshot from the tears but they were focused on nothing.

"Edward?" Riza said softly, her voice barely a whisper.

He didn't do anything so she licked her lips and tried again.

"Edward, can you hear me?"

He didn't respond but he moved his head a little to rest more on her chest. Riza pulled him into her arms and figured out how to get up. She moved him around and held him like the little boy he was as he settled his head on her shoulder. She walked over to the phone and dialed Roy's number.

* * *

It had been at least three days since the 'interview' with Copplestone and also the revelation of what the numbers meant. He thought it would be a good idea to stay away from Edward for just a little bit while he made up a plan to get him to realize that Edward was safe and that he was the Roy that Edward was looking for. So far, it wasn't going as well as he wanted it to because most of Roy's plans involved screaming at Edward and shaking him until his stubborn little brain comprehended that Roy was Roy and that he matched the Roy that Edward was waiting for. Of course, he knew that that wasn't going to happen. It irked him, but he had a feeling that he would have to get advice from Copplestone in order to find out a good way to reveal the truth of his identity to Edward.

He was contemplating this issue, tapping the pen against his mouth, when the phone rang, making him jump a little. He regained his composure and picked up the receiver.

"Colonel Mustang speaking."

"Hey, Colonel, it's me, Hawkeye. Do you have a minute?"

"Yeah, I'm not busy. What's going on?"

There was silence for a little bit and Roy wondered if everything was alright.

"It's Edward, sir. Something triggered and he… he's reverted."

"Reverted? How do you mean?"

"He drew this picture and when I asked him a question about it, he suddenly started screaming, grabbing his head, and then he fell to the floor and curled up in the fetal position spouting numbers again. He finally stopped shaking just moments ago but it's like his body is here but he isn't."

Roy narrowed his eyes a little. "Is he still spouting numbers?"

"Yes but he's mumbling them. He has no focus in his eyes."

"Shit… So that's how he survived. It didn't occur to me until just now that he's doing a military tactic."

"Wait, you mean he's using the numbers to check out of reality, so to speak?"

"It seems that way. If he's doing the default speaking method, instead of using it to keep from telling secrets, he used it to keep his sanity. That means that the real Edward is tucked away somewhere in his mind. Whatever the memory trigger was, it made him go back to keeping his sanity and therefore, doing the default speech."

"I've never heard of it being used that way."

"Well, that's the whole point of the tactic anyway. The enemy figures that if they torture you enough, you will divulge secrets and so you make the conscious effort to use your default speech, so to say, so that your mouth his moving but you don't say anything to reveal the secrets. The problem sometimes is that if you're not careful, you could accidentally say something if you're thinking about _not_ saying something. So, the only solution is to remove your mind from the situation and let your mouth talk because sometimes being conscious of the issue will only make it worse. Damn it, this brings on a whole new set of problems."

"I'll say…"

"May I see him?"

"Yeah. I'm going to put him in bed right now. Colonel, we need to get him back to normal."

"I know. I'm trying to figure that out as well. Too many factors are at play."

"Of course, sir."

"I'll be over there shortly."

"I'll be expecting you."

He hung up and sighed, not happy about this bump in the road. But now that the clouds were starting to lift and he was starting to understand a little better what was happening and why, he was starting to get a better grip on helping his young subordinate get past the traumas and get back to normal.

* * *

Riza put Edward in the bed when he turned over and looked at her.

"Riza?" he said softly.

She sat on the bed next to him.

"Yes, it's me."

"My head hurts."

She smiled and touched his forehead and then touched his face tenderly.

"It seems like you had a bad memory. You need to take a nap and get all rested up."

"Are we still having stew?" he asked, yawning and looking at her with tired eyes.

"We can still have stew if you want. The Colonel is going to come by and see how you are."

He smiled. "I like him. He's a nice black haired man."

"That he is."

"Riza?"

"Yes, Edward."

"Did Roy come and save me?"

Riza didn't know how to answer that question but by the time she could find a good way to answer him, Edward had fallen asleep. Riza touched his face softly and sighed sadly.

"You have so much worse things coming your way… Please have the strength to carry on."

"57-53-23." Edward sighed in his sleep. "13 53-16 31-8-10."

* * *

 **so we got a little bit of insight on how he decided to use the numbers and what drove him to it. the memory was about six months into his capture, which is why he sounds like a mixture of both his old self and his younger version because he still really believed in roy but he was beginning to realize that keeping innocent and to himself made his days a lot less painful. the memory where he finally breaks takes place after about the hundredth time he's gone through things like this. i'm sure you can guess who the 'helpful' voice is...**


	13. Chapter 13

**later on there is some run on sentences. i apologize for that. also, i hope i convey everything plainly. i know what i want to say but getting it on paper is hard sometimes. if it's confusing i'll try to explain more. i also apologize if i say things over and over. i forget and sometimes people dialogue...**

* * *

Roy knocked on the door of Riza's apartment and she opened the door. She smiled and let him in as he took off his coat and put it on the hook.

"Can you show me the drawing he did? I wanted to take it to Copplestone and see if maybe he could see something that we don't."

Riza grabbed the picture and showed it to him. Roy made a face and pointed at the arms that were hovering over Ed's portrait.

"What's this?"

"That's where I lost him. He kept saying 'they protect me'."

"The numbers he spouted, did you write them down?"

"Yeah… When he fell asleep he kept repeating them. Here…"

She handed him the piece of paper with the numbers on it and Roy made a face.

"It says 'live' and 'Al is gone'." Riza gasped and Roy sighed. "This is becoming very, very complicated."

"Agreed… What do we do? If what you say is true, then I guess his subconscious knows that Al is gone and that he even existed. Do you think we should have another flashcard session with Copplestone that includes these things?"

"I don't know. I don't want to shatter him completely. He's broken and cracked but we can put him back together if we do it right. If we shatter his spirit completely then we may lose his whole being."

Riza smiled, happy to find Roy actually thinking ahead instead of just bulldozing forward just so Edward would remember them."

"Well, we can't do anything now. You're welcome to eat stew with us."

"No thanks, I should-"

The sound of Roy's protesting stomach made him blush in embarrassment and he cleared his throat a little.

"Ah…"

"Come eat with us, Colonel." Riza said with a small smile.

He nodded and Riza pointed to her room.

"Ed's napping if you want to let him know that the food is ready, then we'll eat."

Roy nodded and went to Riza's room.

* * *

Roy opened the door and saw Edward's tiny face snuggled under the covers. He seemed content for the moment and wasn't spouting off number, which was good. Roy hated to wake him but he needed to eat.

"Edward? Edward, wake up."

Edward stirred and sat up, looking at him. His eyes widened for a moment.

"Roy?"

Roy's heart leapt for a second as he watched Edward's eyes suddenly go downcast and he looked away, saddened.

"Oh, Colonel…"

Roy let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and took on his role as Colonel, the nice black haired man.

"Riza said that the stew was done… Were you dreaming about Roy?"

Edward's face lit up. "Yeah! He saved me from the bad people and took me home."

"I see…"

Edward narrowed his eyes a little and reached out to touch Roy's face.

"Colonel, your face looks like Roy's."

Roy smiled. "Yeah, I get that a lot."

Edward stared at him for a moment longer and then held up his arms.

"I want stew."

Roy smirked and picked him up to take him to get stew.

* * *

"He looked right at me and asked if I was Roy and then in a flash I was back to just the Colonel in his mind. Maes, we need to move forward in the process. We need to get him back to normal."

"Roy, you can't just turn a kid into a teenager and expect him to be alright. As you said, he's broken and _can_ be fixed but if you try to go too fast, you'll shatter him and who knows if you'll be able to pick up all the pieces. You _have_ to stay calm."

"I know; I'm just brainstorming… The more he stays in this form, the more I feel like he's slipping away from us. I think if we could at least get him back to his regular form, we can try and figure something else out."

"You'd have to talk to Copplestone about that since he's the only one who can make the formula…"

"Do you think we could put him under house arrest?"

Maes looked at Roy with a lifted eyebrow.

"House arrest?"

"Yeah. He is the only one that has penetrated through to the deeper parts of Ed, making him able to talk about them. I don't like him and I hate what he did but… he can't stay that way. From what I gathered, he knows about Alphonse but just isn't putting two and two together. He needs to grow up."

"What does that have to do with Copplestone?"

"If we put him under house arrest, it will make him more accessible as and he has more freedom to make the serum to change Edward back."

Maes rubbed the back of his neck a little and leaned back in his chair.

"I don't know, Roy… I'll see what I can do in regards to moving him but I don't think I'll get much luck. Did you still want to talk to him about the picture?"

"Yeah."

Maes handed him a piece of paper.

"That's permission for you to go alone. If you want me to try and get him under house arrest, I will need to start on this now. I'm also trying to put testimonies of people who may know about the people who took Ed. We're tracking them down to stop them as we speak."

"So you know who it was?"

"Not necessarily, but I have about four different witnesses that all report a group of strange men coming into town making strange requests and reports of several people who swear that they hear children crying in the night."

Roy squeezed the paper in his hand, fuming over the poor children who were caught up in those horrible people's money and gain. They were probably taken from their homes like Edward was and forced to do terrible things. He breathed in and shook his head, trying to focus on the one child he could at least try to save that was in his care. Although he cared for the others, they were far out of his reach at the moment and Maes was taking on that challenge. His focus needed to be getting Edward back to normal.

"I'll go talk to Copplestone then."

Maes nodded and he went to go see the man.

* * *

The men brought Copplestone into the room and he smirked at Roy as he sat at the other side of the table.

"Well, I am just pleased as punch that you're here, Colonel. It's not as fun without you."

"I'm sure." Roy said.

"Did you figure out what you've been missing this whole time?"

Roy nodded stiffly. "That Edward isn't even close to getting better? That he believes I've abandoned him? Yeah, I figured that out."

"Good for you! I was wondering when you'd get your head out of your ass and start looking at the real issue at hand."

"I _was_ looking at the real issue… just not in the right place."

"Titty sprinkles." Roy glared at him. "Admit you didn't know what the hell you were doing."

"I knew exactly what I was doing."

"Of course you did."

"Enough of the talk, Copplestone. I have something I need you to help me with."

"Isn't that all our little talks consist of anyway? You have issues, I have answers, loddy-da…"

Roy pulled out Edward's drawing and placed it on the table, scooting it to Beje.

"Edward drew this. When Hawkeye asked what was going on, he relapsed for a moment."

"I see… What am I looking at?"

"Hawkeye said that these arms caused the relapse and that she noticed this black dot was put there on purpose. It was drawn."

"What happened when she asked about the arms?" Copplestone asked as he looked at the drawing.

"She said he told her 'they protect me' and then began to spout numbers again. She had written them down for me and they translated to 'live' and 'Al is gone'. Until she told me what he was doing, it didn't occur to me that he was performing a military tactic."

"I could have told you that." Beje said with a frown. "You must have been completely unaware of anything if you _just_ figured out he was using the default speech tactic." He looked at Roy and threw his hands in the air. "My God! You're the dumbest guy I think I've ever met! You don't know anything about your subordinates!"

"I know plenty about them!" Roy roared, standing up. "Stop undermining me and help me figure out what this picture means!"

"Sit down, Colonel." Copplestone said calmly.

Roy did as he said and Copplestone pointed to the arms on the picture.

"Why did he say 'live'?"

"That's what we're trying to figure out. We can tell subconsciously that he knows his brother is dead. We think it has to do with him."

Beje looked at the picture again and noticed that the arms were colored gray with black hands. He stared at it for a moment and then looked up at Roy.

"The armored kid, the one they scratched out the blood seal from… That was his brother, right?"

Roy turned his head away. "Yeah."

Beje turned the picture back around and pointed at the arms.

"The arms are gray and the hands are black. The armor that that kid was sealed in was gray and he had black gauntlets for hands, right? These arms are Alphonse."

"That doesn't make sense though. How could Al be helping him if he was dead?"

Copplestone pointed to his head. "Little birdies."

"What?"

"Voices, birdies, whatever you want to call them. They are the things that either keep us sane or make us go _in_ sane. They are the things that say, 'Beje that's hot, don't touch it' or they say 'Beje, that's hot. Go pour it on your sister and see what happens to her skin.' Sometimes these little voices have their own voices or, depending on what role they take on, they have the voices of people we know."

Roy's eyes lit up. "So Edward's inner monologue was Al's voice."

"Looks like it to me. That was the one thing in life he wanted to fix, his brother. It was all he had left in this world and he was taken away from it, left with the agonizing screams and cries of his brother calling for him. Something like that'd make you go insane, but that kid is strong. I saw it when he was with me. He was smart and he was strong. Those two things kept him from falling apart, checking out and going bye-bye the first time when he saved his brother… but now Alphonse is dead. Completely gone. No amount of smarts or strength is going to bring him back."

"If you hadn't turned him into a kid-"

"It wouldn't have mattered, Roy. The kid was rare, a golden sun in a sea of black. These people were quite aware of how alchemy worked, not your run of the mill black marketers. Like I said, they knew about the blood seal on Alphonse and scraped it away. If they know that much then I'm sure they would have found ways to get Edward somehow, some way."

"So what can we do? The more Edward stays a child, the more he slips away. We need to get him back to normal but we can't make him break completely or we'll lose him forever, teen or not."

"Well…" Beje looked at the picture for a second and then pointed at the black dot. "You need to turn this black dot into these arms."

"What do you mean?"

"'Live'. That one word was what kept him going, being said by Alphonse in his head. 'Live'. That kid was waiting for you to come and find him, endured so many tortures and who knows what but you never came. He feels abandoned by you and that's why the voice of comfort, the voice of reason, the voice of _sanity_ , was his brother, the only one he felt could help him at the time. Alphonse said 'live' and it looks like the only way he could live was to forget who he was, what his purpose was. He had to forget _you_. In order to live he had to forget that he had been abandoned and forgotten. He had to leave himself in a little space in his mind and use the only tactic he knew to forget Edward Elric existed.

"This black dot is you, Roy. He drew you in this picture because no matter how much he can forget himself, that he was Edward Elric, he can never forget the feeling of abandonment. It is etched into his brain, a black dot. Alphonse's voice of reason can tell him to live all day long and he can try to keep the horrors, the pain, and the feelings from before at bay but he can _never_ forget that the one person he felt was coming to find him, to save him, never came. _You_ are the black spot on his white innocence. _You_ have to become _these_ arms."

Roy stared at the picture, feeling like he was nothing but scum. He should have known earlier, he should have been able to see the pain in Edward's eyes but he didn't. _Maybe Copplestone is right… maybe I **don't** know my own subordinates._ In frustration, defeat, anger, and sorrow, Roy began to cry. He covered his eyes to keep from facing Copplestone, but he cried nonetheless. He didn't realize how idiotic he'd been to wait so long to find Edward. Instead of going out to look for him, he sat there just hoping and praying, not acting. _He_ caused this pain… _he_ caused everything.

Copplestone could tell that the new finally seemed to seep into Roy's mind. He could tell that he really loved Edward as a subordinate and almost like a father. He reached out and touched Roy's arm.

"Colonel," Roy looked up a little. "I want to help you, I really do, but I can only do so much. He's looking for _you_ , Roy."

"Help me." Roy looked up and wiped his face, getting a calm look on his face again. "Help me find Edward and save him."

Beje smiled and nodded. "It would be my pleasure."

* * *

 **sometimes i feel like beje should just be a child psychologist already. he's way too good sometimes hehe. anyway, we are finally underway to get edward back and fix his mind! yay!**


	14. Chapter 14

"Wow, this is nice…"

"Will this be enough room for you to work out of?"

"Sure. What exactly do you want me to do again?"

Roy rolled his eyes. "I want you to make the reverse serum for Edward."

Beje made a face at him and looked around.

"I told you that those black marketers stole my research. I have no idea how to make a reverse formula without it."

"Well you made the formula before."

"Through experimentation and lots of data to work with." He growled. "I told you the truth in that Edward knocked the last batch that I had with me out of my hand. When the men came into my home and started to steal my research, I was literally in the middle of giving the serum to him. When the door busted open, he hit my hand and I lost the serum."

"So… it could still be in your house?"

"I don't know. I just remember losing it. I was trying to keep everything from getting into the wrong hands as well as Edward not being taken (lot of good that did) and poor Alphonse."

Roy sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Look, I got you out of there because I need you to help me get Edward back to normal, physically and mentally. I can work on the mental stuff later but he needs to be back at his regular size."

"I think you have that backwards, Colonel." Beje said with a side glance.

"That may be true but unfortunately one helps the other. If I can at least get him looking normal then I can work on the mental issues later."

Beje sighed. "I give up."

"If I go to that house, will I find a serum? What are the chances?"

"Probably about 20%. I'm pretty certain those guys came back and trashed the place and/or burned it to the ground. So the only way to get it elsewhere is to find my notes and bring them back to me."

Roy didn't say anything and left Beje by himself in the room. He looked around and grinned, going to the couch.

"I think he likes me."

* * *

"Where are we going?" Edward asked Riza as she walked with him through the streets.

"We're going to the park. Maes has a daughter that's about your age and wanted to know if you would like to play with her at the park."

"What's a park?"

"It's a place to have fun."

Edward shrugged, not really understanding, but any place that was fun seemed alright. They crossed the street and colorful bars came into view. Edward grinned, knowing that this had to be the park. He pulled away from Riza and ran ahead of her. He finally got to the monkey bars and started climbing them.

"He seems energetic today." Maes said as Elicia clung to his leg.

"Yeah… Hello, Elicia." Riza said, waving to the young girl.

She waved back as Edward came back.

"I climbed all the way to the top!"

"You did? That quick?"

Edward grinned and turned to see Elicia. They locked eyes for a moment but Edward ignored her and ran back to the bars. Riza made a face at that as Maes laughed and bent down to Elicia's level. He kissed her cheek and hugged her.

"Daw, is my widdle girl shy?"

"The kids don't like me, Daddy."

"Of course they do. You just have to play with them. Why don't you go play with Edward?"

"Who's he?"

"The little boy that just came up there."

Elicia looked at the bars to find Edward and spotted his golden hair immediately. She looked at his arms and legs and then at her father.

"He's made out of silver and gold! Is he 'spensive?"

Maes laughed. "No, sweetie. He has what's called automail because he lost his arm and leg. But none of the other kids want to play with him either. See?"

She watched as someone tried to climb the bars next to Edward. When he turned to look at them and wave, every one of the kids ran away, afraid of his robot hand. Elicia made a face as Edward seemed unfazed by the ordeal.

"Go see if he wants to play with you."

Elicia scooted away and towards the playground.

Maes sighed. "Finally. I love her to death but goodness does she cling a lot."

"Reminds me of her father…" Riza said softly.

Maes made a face and gestured for her to sit on the bench.

* * *

Maes leaned back and then looked up.

"I've gotten a good lead on the ones who may have sold Edward in Xing."

"That's good. The Colonel said that he got Copplestone out of jail?"

"We got him out for this case mostly but technically he's on house arrest. He can't go anywhere but he has plenty of space to do whatever Roy's trying to get him to do."

"Turn him back to normal, I'm sure."

"Do you think he'll be able to get Edward back to normal? I mean, it seems like we've been trying forever and it just isn't going well."

"Well… Think about it, Maes, it's been a year since he's been captured and brainwashed and lost. It'll take a long time for him to get back to normal. I think the Colonel is just trying new ways of doing it."

"But is changing his physical appearance going to make a difference?"

"I think he's hoping that changing his appearance will trigger something from when he was captured. I honestly don't know what he's doing anymore, Maes."

"Couldn't doing this cause him to revert more into himself and never get out of this? What if he breaks entirely?"

"That's what I'm afraid of but that's why the Colonel said he needed Copplestone to make his serum so that it wouldn't be so traumatizing."

"Daddy! Daddy!" Elicia yelled, running back over to Maes.

"What is it, sweetie?"

"Edward fell!"

Riza stood up quickly. "What?!"

She ran over to where the other kids were looking at something on the ground and moved the children out of the way. Edward was on the ground, his head lolled to the side and was not moving. Riza fell to her knees in the grass and reached for Edward's body. She pulled him to her and turned to Maes, fear in her eyes.

"Call the ambulance and call the Colonel."

He nodded and ran off as Riza held Edward close to her, praying he would be alright.

* * *

Roy slammed open the doors of the hospital and ran down the hallway, going to the elevator. He pressed the button repeatedly, wanting the doors to open. They finally did and he rushed in, doing the same with the buttons inside. The ride couldn't have been long enough as it felt like hours went by before he got to the second floor of the hospital. He seemed to leap out of the elevator before it even stopped and ran down the hallway where he saw Riza outside of a room. Upon hearing him running down the hallway, Riza looked up and met him before he jerked open the door.

"Colonel-"

"What the hell happened?"

"He was playing at the park and then he fell off the bars… The doctors are examining him."

The door opened and the doctor came out, looking up.

"I'm looking for a Lieutenant Hawkeye?"

"That would be me."

"Are you the boy's guardian?"

"No, I am." Roy said, moving in front of his subordinate. "Colonel Roy Mustang. I should be on the paperwork?"

The doctor flipped a couple of pages and then nodded.

"Yes, I see that now."

"What happened? Is he alright?"

"He's fine, just a little shaken up."

"He's awake?" Riza asked.

"He's conscious but awake wouldn't really be the word. He responds to us though."

"Can I see him?"

"Sure thing. As soon as he is fully awake and after we do some further tests he'll be ready to leave the hospital. It could be today or he may have to stay the night. Although, he is saying something."

"What is he saying?"

"Uh… it's just a bunch of numbers."

Roy grabbed the doctor's shoulders. "What numbers?"

"I'm not really sure, sir. I didn't think it was important to know."

Roy rolled his eyes and opened the door to the hospital room.

Edward was lying in the bed with tubes in his flesh arm, a large bruise forming on his shoulder and one on his eye. He looked like he had been abused, not fallen off of some monkey bars. As he approached him, Edward whimpered in his sleep, his eyes scrunching. Roy went over to him and touched his face softly, smoothing out his squinted eyes with his thumb.

"You bring me more fear and heartache than anyone else, you know that, Fullmetal? If I wasn't a bachelor, I'd swear that I was your father."

He smiled softly as he rubbed his face gently. Edward whimpered again and opened his eyes into slits.

"Roy?"

Roy smiled, not falling for this again. He knew Edward didn't know him, not yet at least.

"It's the Colonel."

"Why did you leave me?"

Roy frowned. "What do you mean? I'm right here…"

"I was waiting for you and you never came. Colonel, why did you abandon me?"

Roy's eyes widened, realizing that this was not the little boy he'd been dealing with but his subordinate, the one he'd been trying to find.

"Edward?"

"Why did you abandon me?"

"I didn't abandon you! I could never abandon you…"

"You never came… I waited for so long…"

"Edward! Edward, don't leave! I'm here now! I've been here since we found you! I _did_ rescue you!" Roy yelled, grabbing Edward's shoulders and shaking. "Please! I never abandoned you."

"You forgot me… I couldn't stay anymore… I had to hide away… You never came. I trusted you. I _waited_ for you. 53 57-76-52 9-85-1 49 39-8-92… A-56-60-8-10-D… A-56-60-8-10-D…"

"NO!" Roy screamed, practically shaking Edward. "I'm right here! I'M RIGHT HERE!"

"Colonel!" Riza yelled, coming in and grabbing him from Edward. "What are you doing?!"

"It's Fullmetal! He's right there, he's there where I can reach him but he won't let me. He won't let me find him!"

"What are you _talking about_?"

Roy turned to her, his eyes wild.

"It was Fullmetal. He was there. He told me he had waited for me and that I abandoned him. He said he had to hide away… He's _there_ , Hawkeye. He's there but he's hiding."

Riza looked at Edward, who was unconscious again and then back at her superior.

"Colonel, you're not sleeping again, are you?"

Roy glared hard at her. "This is not like it was before. I'm telling you, it was _my_ Edward, my subordinate. Copplestone was right. I mean, I knew he was but seeing that just confirmed every suspicion I had. Edward is hiding, staying away from reality. He thinks that I abandoned him and refuses the come to grips with that. I tried to tell him it wasn't true but he wouldn't listen to me."

Riza could see that either he was hallucinating or he really did speak with the boy they were trying to get back and decided it would be better and safer to just play along with him.

"If it's really our Edward then you know how stubborn he can be. You will need to prove your words to him before he will come out."

"Which means that turning him back to his original form may be the way to go."

"Possibly… Roy, I would like to talk with you as a friend, not as a subordinate." Roy nodded. "If you really talked to our Edward and if what you say is true, then the best thing for you to do is draw him out like you have been. Forcing him out will only cause problems. You will need to get him to 'peek out' again and talk to him. You have to let him come to you, let him trust you again. What numbers did he say? The doctor said he said them."

"Translated from before, he lost faith in me and that he was abandoned." He ran his fingers through his hair, sighing heavily. "Okay… If what you say is right then maybe I should let Copplestone just do what he needs to do with him. I think he can draw Edward out the best. He can blast through this facade of a child and find my subordinate without… actually blasting through."

"I think that would be your wisest course. If Copplestone can draw him out, then you can eventually find him. But you _have_ to go slow. We keep telling you this and you keep conveniently forgetting. If what you say is true, and Edward said he was hiding, then respect his wishes. Find him; find our Edward and make him see that you're there for him." She touched his face softly. "Bring. Him. _Home_."

* * *

 **the little devil is hiding from you roy. you gotta treat him like a kitten...**

 **anyway, riza is right in that every time edward makes a little progress, roy tries to just grab him and pull him out or whatever. i think maybe he'll get it through his thick head that he's going to have CONVINCE edward that he's there. it's not a matter of being there anymore because he didn't save the right edward. edward is still hiding to stay sane because reality is too harsh. so... will roy do it right now?**


	15. Chapter 15

**i apologize in advance for the mindfuck that will happen. it makes sense but it sounds like it doesn't. you gotta think. i'm sorry X(**

* * *

 _I'm tired of hiding… I keep seeing him but it's a dream. That's all he is is a dream… Right?_

 **You can't go out there yet. There's too many things to hurt you.**

 _Are you sure? I saw him and it felt like he was really there. I felt him and I smelled him… Roy… He had come to save me…_

 **It's not safe yet, Brother.**

 _Are you sure?_

 **You need to just stay alive, remember?**

 _But I **felt** him… so near… I **saw** him… I **saw** him…_

 **It's not safe yet…**

* * *

"But I saw him…" Edward mumbled in his sleep.

He woke up and looked around, unfamiliar with the scenery around him. A snore caught his attention and he looked down to see Roy with his head on his arms as he slept beside him. He looked around the room again when the door opened and a nurse walked in. Seeing Edward up, she smiled sweetly at him. Roy suddenly was awake and smacked a little as he turned to the nurse.

"Good morning, Colonel. It looks like our little patient is up and ready."

Roy turned to Edward and smiled a tired smile.

"I'm glad you're awake." He said softly.

"My eye hurts…"

"You fell off the monkey bars at the park and hurt yourself."

He vaguely remembered that but he was having a hard time remembering much at the moment. It was all fuzzy. The nurse walked over to him and began to take his vitals as he stared at Roy in a quite intense way.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I know you're not Roy but you look like him. Are you his brother?"

Roy moved his mouth to the side. "No… Edward, I'm Roy. _I'm_ Roy Mustang."

"No. You're Colonel."

Roy wasn't trying to push himself onto Edward, like Riza had suggested he not do, but if he could just get a small bit of nudging in the right direction, maybe the hidden Edward would catch on.

"What does Roy look like?"

"He has black hair and black eyes and is really tall. His hair is ugly."

"Hey."

"It's all swooshed this way. Like this." Edward pulled his hair in front of his face and he made a scowl. "Grr, I'm Roy."

"Roy seems to be quite the character. Does he always look angry?"

"No, he looks…" Edward's eyes widened just a bit and Roy hoped it was a small glimpse of realization but it seemed to fade and Roy sighed. "He looks bored."

Roy had to laugh. "Bored?"

"Uh huh."

"Well… that's a new one on me. How's your head?"

"It hurts and it's kind of fuzzy."

"I see. Well, if the nurse says you're ready to go then we can get out of here."

"Yup, he's all ready."

Roy nodded as she left and he grabbed Edward's clothes to put on him.

* * *

Maes knocked on the door and it opened quickly.

"You're not the face I was expecting."

"I'm sure it isn't. May I come in?"

"What's stopping you?"

"This is your apartment."

"Oh… Well, I'm not used to this sort of treatment. Come on in, Lieutenant Colonel."

Maes walked into Beje's little home and he closed the door behind him.

"You thirsty? I have water."

"I'm fine."

"What brings Ole Scruffy here to my little abode?"

Maes sat on the small loveseat as Beje sat in a chair.

"I wanted to talk with you about Edward and Alphonse."

"What about them?"

"You know they were close, right?"

"I could tell they were when they were with me."

"Roy told me you told him that sometimes voices become the voices of reason within us. We have established that Alphonse is his voice of reason."

"Understandable."

"Could that voice of reason be keeping Edward locked away?"

Beje leaned back and put his leg on his knee.

"Depends. What do you mean?"

"Edward hit his head yesterday and Roy called me to say that our Edward, his subordinate, is in there, hiding out, so to say. Is it plausible that his voice of reason is halting progress?"

"Well, the voice of reason is called that for a reason. It makes decisions based off of past, present, and future consequences. It reasons on what steps should be taken based off of those three things. If what you told me about him hiding is true, then the trauma he endured has led his voice of reason to now also become his inner voice. There's a difference."

"How so?"

"You weren't there when I told the Colonel about the voices that we have in our heads. They're not crazy voices but things that keep us from doing other things. One tells us what we want or need and the other tells us what we should, could, and will do. An inner voice is the one that says, 'I need to go pick up some oranges from the market.' A voice of reason says, 'Wait, if I pick them up from the market, they'll be marked up two times more than usual. If I go to the farm and pick them myself, it will cost less.' You used your memories of the past to dictate your present and your future and you get more oranges for less price. You need oranges and you thought about what you could do and what you should do, and now you _will_ go to the farm. I hope you'll be making orange juice…" Maes gave him a weird look. "Nevertheless, if one of these two things gets screwed around, you end up with the analogy I gave the Colonel, or in this case, 'Hmm, it doesn't matter _where_ I get the oranges because they're both the same weight and throwing them at Old Lady Margaret to see how many cause her to fall down the stairs makes no difference… _but_ if I get them from the farm, I can get more just in case the old broad is a little more feisty today.' See? The voice of reason still tells you to go get more for less but the inner voice is using it for something wrong.

"In Edward's case, his voice of reason, the one that told him to go and hide so that he wouldn't get any more damaged than he was, is now doing both jobs of the inner voice and voice of reason. Instead of Edward himself realizing the danger is no more, his voice of reason (or Alphonse) has decided to override everything and is dictating him on what he should do. Edward may very well know he's saved but Alphonse is now controlling all aspects of the brain and is still on high alert."

"That was a roundabout way of telling me that answer." Maes said with a sigh.

"You didn't ask the question right."

"I just asked if Alphonse was making Edward not be able to move forward-"

"Ah! No. You asked if his voice of reason was keeping him back."

"And we established that Alphonse was that voice."

"He _used_ to be. Now he is _all_ voices. That's why I told you the answer the way I did. You need to understand that Edward is hidden because _Alphonse_ wants him to be hidden."

Maes stared at the impossible man for a second.

"So… is Alphonse's soul in Edward?"

"What? No! What the hell? Pay attention."

"I _am_! How does Roy deal with you?"

"Anger issues and acts of God if I'm not mistaken." He said with a finger to his chin.

"Explain it to me then."

"Alphonse's voice is the narrator for Edward's thoughts now due to the fact that the two were so close and Edward had to watch them torture that poor boy before he was taken away. As an older brother, he could do nothing to save his little brother. To keep him alive the only way he knew how, he imprinted Alphonse's voice as the voice of reason. When he was captured, that voice of reason told him to give up when Edward didn't want to but knew he should. When he finally did, the child and technical 'reset' of Edward's behavior and memories is because his voice of reason is now his inner voice. Alphonse makes all the decisions now and if he still deems it too harsh for Edward, he will protect him."

"So what do we do?"

"Break the connection of course."

"Well the only way we seem to do that is if Edward gets hit in the head… other than that we get numbers."

"Numbers are good."

Maes frowned. "No, numbers are bad."

"Are they?"

"Yes…" Beje looked at him slyly. "What?"

"Think about when the numbers come up. What does Edward do when this happens?"

"He has memory relapses."

"Which means that Alphonse is no longer in control."

"That makes no sense."

Beje threw his hands in the air and slunk in his chair.

"Ugh! You're about as bad as Roy-Boy… Listen, why would Edward need to protect himself with numbers if his mind is already protected by Alphonse? Alphonse is the boy that is with you, the one deeming it safe for Edward's body, but the numbers are _Edward_."

"If that's the case then how come-"

"You can't get through to him? Because you can't scare the boy half to damn death to get him out of there. The numbers make him feel safe because Alphonse isn't there to create this childish façade. When Edward comes back to the forefront, his mind is still in the mode that he's being captured so when the numbers happened before, you all attacked him pretty much and that just brought up Alphonse. You people keep coming at him from all the wrong angles. I could have had him fixed and out the door a month ago."

"So… let me get his straight. The boy we talk to now is something Alphonse has set up to protect our Edward. Flashbacks and numbers is that façade slipping to reveal the Edward we're looking for."

"Pretty much."

"So when he starts spouting numbers, what should we do? According to you trying to make him stop only makes it worse."

"It's not a 'we' thing, it's a _Roy_ thing. Edward is waiting for Roy but Roy has to get in there when the time is right. He can't blast through the façade and he can't stomp out the numbers. It has to be planned very meticulously."

"Then why have you been suggesting all these other things?"

Beje rolled his eyes at Maes. "Have you met the man? He's pretty determined to do his own thing no matter what you say to him. I had to tell him something."

Maes nodded, knowing Roy's stubbornness had reached a higher peak than usual because of the issue at hand.

"Well we can't just sit and wait for Edward to show back up."

"No, we can't. Roy finally has it in his thick little head that only I can reach him. And he's right. I can get him to come out, push what Alphonse has created aside for a moment, and that's when Roy needs to step in. He needs to fully trust me to do my job."

"You like doing it and you know it."

Beje leaned back. "True, but I don't get paid for it."

"If you figure this out, I'm sure we can think of something. You're very intuitive… odd though."

"You win some, you lose some…"

"Roy is going to bring Edward here soon. Do I need to tell him what you told me?"

"Not necessarily. He needs to stop being such a dork and man up. He needs to trust me. Sure he knows I can get to Edward, but he doesn't trust me. That will need to change or we cannot get his subordinate back."

Maes nodded and got up.

"This was a nice chat."

"Indeed. Maybe I'll have tea and cookies for you next time."

Maes left as Beje made a face after him.

"He's even worse than the Colonel. No wonder this kid is screwed up in the head. One is too hard and the other is too soft. Well then, I guess my porridge is _juuuust right_." He looked down and saw that Maes had left a folder on the table. He opened it up and blinked in surprise. "Well I'll be damned…"

* * *

 **okay so that flim flammery WILL lead up to edward's mental escape. i promise. i'm not just trolling you guys, honest.**

 **anyway, sorry about that but it kind of came to me and will help, as mentioned, with the mental escape that everyone has been asking for.**


	16. Chapter 16

**i apologize if this is short but i think everyone will forgive me**

* * *

As Beje looked over the file left at his little apartment, the doorbell rang and he got up. He set the folder down and opened up the door.

"Roy-boy! And Baby Edward!" he said, looking at Edward.

Edward hid behind Roy's leg and Roy glared at Beje.

"I thought I told you not to call me that."

"You did but I'm ignoring you… Have you come to let me try and fix your subordinate?"

"I've come to see what can be done."

Beje opened the door wider and the two walked in. Edward grabbed Roy's pant leg and tugged on it. Roy picked him up as Beje walked back in with two kitchen chairs.

"Edward will need to sit on this. I'll need you on standby, Colonel."

"What for?"

"For when I need you, of course." Beje said with a look.

Roy set Edward in the chair as he stood off to the side for a second. Edward looked really confused as Beje sat in front of him.

"Do you remember me? We met some time ago."

"I… I think so…"

"I showed you some cards like this?" he said, holding up one of the flash cards that he had had before.

Edward nodded, remembering the flash cards and Beje smiled.

"Excellent. We're going to do the same thing again, alright? This time, I want you to dig deep into your heart and try to answer as best as you can. There's no right or wrong answer."

Edward looked at Roy for approval and Roy smiled, nodding his head a little. Edward turned back to Beje as Roy's smile disappeared. He hoped that this trick would work, since it really didn't do much last time.

"Are you ready?" Edward nodded. "Alright."

Beje held up a card and it read **ALCHEMY**.

"This says **ALCHEMY**." He said, remembering Edward said he couldn't read very well.

"If I clap my hands I can make things turn into other things."

"Very good. Let's try this one. It says **FULLMETAL**."

Beje saw Edward visibly stiffen and he waited patiently for him to answer.

Edward shook his head. "I don't like that one."

"Alright. We'll go to another one. This one says **ARMOR**."

"It's stuff to protect you."

"That's right." He said, setting that one aside. "This next one says **ALPHONSE**."

Edward said nothing for moment as Beje waited again, patiently, for the boy to answer. After a few moments, he could see that Edward was getting nervous, his hands starting to sweat as he wiped them on his shorts.

"I… I don't want to play this anymore."

"I'm sorry, Edward, but it's not a game. This is to help you."

"I don't want to."

"Copplestone, if he doesn't-"

"Do you _want_ your subordinate back?" Beje growled, looking at Roy.

Roy was a little taken aback by his aggression.

"Well, yeah, but I don't want you to push him-"

"Then let me do my _fucking_ job. Between you and Stubble Chin, I can't get this kid to cooperate in order to get what you want done. Stop butting in my business and shut the hell up."

Roy didn't say anything and Beje looked back at Edward, who was looking a little uneasy.

"This is to help you, I promise. I know it doesn't seem fun but you have to do it."

Edward looked back at Roy, who nodded. He turned back to Beje and began to swing his legs.

"So, what do you have to say about this card."

"I dunno."

"We'll come back to it… How about this one? It says **ROY MUSTANG**."

Edward brightened. "He's coming to save me!"

"Is he now?"

"Yeah! I know he is."

"Well, don't you feel safe now? With the Colonel and Riza? Why do you want Roy to come and rescue you from some place that's not bad?"

Edward seemed confused and he picked at his clothing.

"Roy's here… Ms. Riza said he was but he just hasn't come to see me yet. But I _know_ he's here."

"But that means he's coming to _visit_ you, not save you. If Roy Mustang is here and you already feel safe, then why is he saving you? Do you still feel threatened?"

"No… I mean… I dunno…"

"That's alright. Let's try this one. It says **EDWARD ELRIC**."

"My name's Edward."

"Is it?" Edward looked at him in confusion again. "I mean, that's what they said but do you believe it?"

Edward tensed up in the chair as Beje watched him calmly.

"That's my name."

"Is it really though? Your name could be Alphonse."

"It's not!" he said, getting angry.

"It could be… George or James or Sven-"

"MY NAME IS EDWARD ELRIC!" Edward screamed, standing up. "It's _my_ name!"

"And don't you have another name?"

"I'm the Fullmetal Alchemist-" He gasped and threw his hands over his mouth. "I… I mean…"

"So you _are_ the Fullmetal Alchemist…" Beje said nonchalantly. "Anyone call you that? Just Fullmetal?"

"I don't wanna play this game anymore."

"Didn't someone call you that? Just by that name?"

"The Colonel did." He snapped.

"What colonel?"

"Colonel Mustang."

"Who's that over there?"

Edward turned to Roy, who was watching calmly.

"It's the Colonel."

"What's his full name?"

"Colonel Mustang-"

Roy's eyes widened at Edward getting the question right as Edward seemed to freeze, suddenly starting to hyperventilate, his golden eyes wide.

"Edward?" Beje asked softly.

* * *

 **He's tricking you! That's not the Colonel at all!**

 _No… It's him… It's Roy! I knew it! I knew he'd save me!_

 **It's a lie. Stay hidden. If you come out they will destroy you.**

 _Roy wouldn't do that to me. Roy has come to save me._

 **It's not him! It's just someone they can use against you. They want to hurt you even more with another false Mustang.**

 _Stop it! Stop telling me what to do! It's him! I've been waiting for so long!_

 **He abandoned you. What makes you think that he'd come now of all times?**

 _He… he didn't abandon me… The Colonel came. He's been trying and… and I knew that I saw him… I smelled him…_

 **You can't go out there yet. They'll hurt you.**

 _No… They won't hurt me…_

 **…If you go, I can't protect you anymore.**

 _I don't need you. The Colonel is here now. He'll protect me from harm. He's here to save me…_

 **You know he abandoned you.**

 _He didn't…_

 **I can't protect you anymore. I hope you find what you're looking for.**

 _I have._

* * *

"88-8-39 9-53-60 M-E! 53 95 16-20-75-D! 88-8-39 53 95 16-20-75-D!" Edward began to shout, tears falling down his face as he curled into a ball on the floor.

Roy glared at Beje as Beje looked at him with wide eyes.

"Hello?! Are you going to do something or not?!" he yelled.

"What do you mean? You've screwed him over again!"

"He's calling for you dumbass! Hurry! Before it's too late!"

"What?" Roy said, looking at him in confusion.

"52-8-8 34-57-8-74… A-56-60-8-10-D…"

"AAARRRGGGHHH!" Beje growled, grabbing his hair in his hands. "What the fuck is your problem!? He's _calling for you_ , Mustang! He's searching for you _right now_! Find him! FIND HIM _NOW_!"

Roy looked at Edward as he curled deeper into a ball and he went over to him, grabbed him up like a child and hugging him to his chest.

"I've got you, Fullmetal. I'm here to save you. It's me, it's Roy…"

He was shaking in Roy's arms and he could feel him muttering under his breath. Roy hugged him tighter, putting his mouth next to his ear as he held him close.

"It's me…" he whispered softly. "It's me, Fullmetal. I'm here. I found you. I've got you…"

He stopped muttering but was still shaking in his arms like a leaf. Roy rocked him back and forth, never losing his grip on him, mumbling who he was into his ear.

After about a minute or two, Edward suddenly made a noise and Roy felt his grip tighten on him as Edward buried his nose into the crook of Roy's neck.

"You… You never came… I waited for you and you never came…" Edward sobbed. "You _abandoned me_."

"That's not true. I just couldn't find you. We had been searching for so long… I never gave up looking for you. I would never abandon you, Edward."

"You never came… they… they…"

"Shh, shh… I'm here now and they can't hurt you anymore. I've got you and I won't let you go."

"Alphonse…"

"I know… I know… It's okay now, Ed. You don't have to hide anymore. It's all over."

Hearing those very words seemed to sink deep into his heart for he burst into tears again.

Beje smiled at the two and was happy he could help. He didn't think that would work actually. _I need an award or something._ he thought as he knocked the cards on the table to even them out.

* * *

"Hughes speaking."

"Hello, Stubble Chin."

"Copplestone. What do I owe the displeasure?"

"Well, for starters, I called to let you know that I broke through and Edward is on his way to an actual recovery."

Hughes grinned. "That's marvelous news! Is he alright?"

"Confused, traumatized, and still broken but it's not that easy to put together a shattered child. You're welcome."

"Thank you! You earned it. Is Roy with him?"

"Yes."

Hughes paused for a moment. "You have something else you wanted to tell me?"

"Nothing too pressing, just this file you must have accidentally left when you came to visit me."

Hughes thought for a moment and smirked.

"Accidentally left, forgotten on purpose… whatever you feel best suits the situation."

Beje laughed. "Now you're sounding like me. On a serious note, what am I supposed to do with this?"

"Whatever you deem necessary. I have permission for you to use it so… however you see fit."

"That really doesn't answer my question."

"Maybe you didn't ask the right one."

"Now you're just mocking me."

"I'm being serious, believe it or not."

Beje was silent for a second.

"Who do you want me to use it on?"

"Ah, now there's something I can answer. See, we finally got a trace on the people who took Edward..."

"Say no more… Where'd you get this information from in the first place? Isn't there supposed to be two methods?"

"True, but this is more useful as of right now. If you want to do this, you have the military's backing and it will lower your sentence. You may even get an award."

"Well hot damn, I just might look as spiffy as you and Roy-boy. Gosh, I don't know how I'd ever measure up to you two." Beje mocked.

"Don't be a jackass about it. Can you –or _will you_ \- do it?"

"No problem. Besides, they took my formula book."

"Excellent. And Copplestone? Don't tell Roy about this."

"Ooh, covert. I'm all over it Stubbles."

Maes hung up the phone and looked down at the map in front of him. He pushed his glasses up and for the first time in his life, gave an evil smirk. _This is for you, Alphonse._

* * *

 **so there are some new words to translate for little smarticle peoples and it looks like FINALLY after all this time, edward might have finally been 'found' so to speak. and what is it that hughes left for beje? probably wont 'know... and story's not over yet. still got some mending to you and stuff. won't be long though...**


	17. Chapter 17

**this will make sense but you have to read it like kuzco from emperor's new groove when he is disguised as pacha's wife at the restaurant. just believe me and you'll know what i mean. it'll make it ten times funnier.**

* * *

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Roy asked.

Edward nodded a little as they stood in front of the door.

"I want… I want to say goodbye."

"I get that, kid, but what if this breaks you again? I mean… it was hard enough finding you physically and almost impossible to find you mentally. I can't go through that again."

"Don't worry… I'm safe, right?" he asked looking up at his superior.

Roy smiled a genuine smile and nodded.

"Yeah, Fullmetal, you're safe."

"Then I'll be okay."

Roy sighed but nodded, trusting him. It had been only a day since Edward had finally come out of mental hiding, so to speak, and Roy didn't think he'd want to see this. But it was his right to see it and he couldn't deny this from Edward.

Roy pulled out his keys and unlocked the door, pushing it open. It had been since Edward went missing that he had even come in here. He had wanted to often but just thinking about what he had put in here was enough to keep him away. But, here it was, staring at him blankly in the face.

Edward made a horrified sound and Roy swallowed, hoping things would be alright as he followed Edward into the room. He turned the lights on and watched the boy as he touched the suit of armor with utmost compassion. Edward pulled the helmet off and just stared inside. He did nothing and Roy walked over to see what he was looking at when he saw the blood seal and all the slash marks over it.

"I failed as a brother…" Edward said, falling to his knees. "I… I couldn't save him. I turned him into this and then I could even save him!" he yelled, hitting the helmet against the breastplate.

He moved the helmet and laid on the front of the armor, bawling his eyes out.

"Come back… come back… I'm sorry, Al… Please forgive me for what I've done. I'm so sorry… Please come back!"

Roy sighed, his heart going out to Edward and he put his hand on his shoulder.

"I know it's hard, Fullmetal, but there's nothing you can do. He's gone… I'm so sorry that we didn't get there in time to save him. I wish I could turn back time and never have even _given_ you that assignment, but it's in the past… it's in a place we can't touch or change."

"I can hear his screams when I go to sleep at night…" Edward said softly. "I hear him calling for me, begging for me to help him, but all I can do is nothing. I couldn't do _shit_!"

"Hey…" Roy pulled him from Alphonse's armor and Edward crashed into his chest, continuing to cry. "Listen to me. Are you listening?" He nodded. "Al knew you would never abandon him. Okay? He knew that. He watched you get kidnapped as you watched those people… do whatever they did. He knew you had no control over the situation anymore than he had. He _doesn't_ blame you. No one blames you."

"They do."

"Who is they?"

Edward pulled back and wiped his eyes.

"The people that took me… they used to tell me all the time."

Roy frowned. "Well those people aren't here anymore. We're going to take care of them and they will never hurt another person again. They won't be able to kidnap any children and drag them away, they can't brainwash anyone, and they won't get to _you_."

"But… the Xingese guy…"

"We took care of him too. You're _safe_ , Edward. Believe me, you're safe."

Edward looked a little doubtful but Roy didn't take that into account. His mind was still piecing things back together, past from present and faces to voices. Beje had said that this would happen and upon realizing (finally) that he was acting too impulsive in regards to Edward, Roy was starting to take a step back and watch.

He stood up and held out his hand. "Come on. Everyone wants to see you. They've been waiting to see you for a while."

"What… what are you going to do with him?" he asked, looking at the empty armor.

"That's completely up to you, Ed. I wasn't going to leave him out there and I wasn't going to bury him. He was your brother and you were the one who should make the decision regarding him. Whatever you want, I'll make it happen."

"Can we do it later? I…"

"The only good thing about him being a suit of armor is that he won't rot away. You have all the time you need. Although… it would be nice to come back home. I haven't seen my house since you were taken."

"Why?"

Roy closed the door and looked down at his subordinate.

"Because all I see is what I found when I got there. He's cleaned up but… he wasn't when I saw him. I have nightmares too… but I knew you would want to say your goodbyes. So I kept him here all this time. Today was the first day I stepped back in here."

Edward nodded as Roy locked the door.

"Will I ever get back to normal?"

"We've got someone working on that."

"When I get normal again… I want to be normal before I do anything with Al's armor."

"I understand."

* * *

"Hello, Lieutenant Colonel Hughes?"

"Gooooooood afternoon, Stubbles. How ya doin?"

Maes made a face and turned to the side. "I told you not to call me on the military line."

"Well I wasn't going to call you at home. I'm sure Mrs. Hughes wouldn't have appreciated me… then again, I don't think _you_ would have either."

Maes suddenly laughed into the phone.

"Wow, Gracia, that's so wonderful. Elicia's friend _Becca_ surely sounds like a riot."

"What the hell-"

"Now tell that Becca to _play along better_ with Elicia, alright, sweetheart? I can't tie up the military lines so I'll talk to you later."

"Okay, sweetness, I hope to see you back at home, hunka man." Beje said in a badly done woman's voice. "I'm not at home right now but at Becca's home. Do you need the number, dumpling heart?"

Maes made an aggravated face as he pulled out a pen and paper.

"Yeah, sweetie, that would be good." Beje gave the number. "Alright then, I'll call you when I _get off of work_ , alright?"

"I'll be awaiting to hear your velvety sex-laced voice going into my ear, you sopping hot, sexy man. Ugh! I just can't _wait_ to hear from you. I have the most marvelous of news."

"I look forward to hearing it."

He hung up the phone and made a face at it over Beje's over the top performance.

"That guy has some issues…" he grumbled as he grabbed his coat to go to the outside phone booth.

* * *

Maes rang the number that was given him and waited for it to be picked up.

"Is that you, dumpling heart?"

"Alright, cut it out. You really suck as a woman, you know?"

"I resent that. I make a mean geisha when the time calls for it."

"I don't want to know what that means. You said you had good news?"

"Yes. I have found said peoples and I have found said hideout. The trouble is that they have a bunch of kids around."

"What do you mean?"

"This place is… disturbing. It's run by these men but the workers are children."

"You mean like a slave camp?"

"I guess that's what you would call it. Seems like they sell the exotic looking ones and then keep the rest for themselves to help run this place. The kids all look like they have been brainwashed, walking around like zombies. I can't do anything with the kids around."

"You can't lure them out?"

"That's the thing is that some of these kids aren't just kids. I mean, they are but the brainwashing makes them not. They have a kid with them everywhere they go and I followed one not too long ago. I think I told Roy-boy but I don't know if I told you that I believed they knew alchemy, yah?"

"I think I was there."

"Right, well, they know alchemy and are pretty skilled at it. Some of the kids have a good knack for it too. The ones they use as guards are exceptionally good at it and have immense power. Not on Baby Edward's level but close to Roy-boy and maybe that sparkling giant guy."

"Major Armstrong."

"I was going to say Glitter Ape but sure, Armstrong. Anyway, getting close enough to one of them to do some damage isn't going to be easy."

"Well, if this helps any, the information I gave you came from someone who would take down his enemies by facing them head on. He would just go right up them, ask their name, and then go in for the kill. That might be the approach you'll have to use to get them one by one."

"About that. What am I supposed to do with it? I mean, _I_ don't want that shit on me."

"Do with it as you will. I only know what it does so that's really up to you to on how you want to use it."

"I just don't see me laying out traps for these guys or something. I mean, I know the basics of alchemy but I'm not exactly a State Alchemist or something."

"He isn't either. That's why it will do what needs to be done. Draw it on yourself or something."

"I'll see what I can do, I guess. How's the kid?"

"Roy let him sleep it off and he's bringing him by headquarters today."

"Good, I'm glad. Kid's been through enough. Tell him that if they still have my research I will be whipping up a batch of serum to get Baby Edward back to normal. Solemn promise."

"I'll let them know."

"I got a question, by the way."

"What?"

"How come you let me out from under that house arrest thing? I mean you got me all the way out here in the Southern area and their hideout is actually pretty close to Aerugo, so this is pretty far from your eagle eyes. You actually trust me enough to do this?"

"I trust you not to hurt the kids."

"So you knew there'd be some here?"

"I had someone scouting for these people and they told me that they still had kids with them. Knowing they had a hideout with child bodyguards wasn't what I expected, but I needed someone I knew wouldn't hurt the children. I think you're kind of crazy and you need a little help but you're damned good with children and although you're crazy, for some reason it makes sense."

"Well I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or not. I'm just going to to boost my self esteem."

"Your esteem is too high."

"No it isn't; you people say hurtful things to me all the time."

"Now really isn't the time to play around."

There was silence on the other end of the phone and Maes thought Copplestone hung up.

"You're a real dangerous guy, you know? You act like you're so nice and mellow, like a real jokester and stuff but I just realized that you're pretty cut-throat when it comes to your friends. I admire a man who can hide his true personality under one he made up."

"Let me guess, you're the one who sold Edward into slavery?"

"Just because _you_ are able to fool the world into thinking you're a trustworthy and happy-go-lucky type of guy when you're really a cold-hearted bastard doesn't mean that _I_ am. I stopped trying to act for people a long time ago, so what you see if what you get. That's why people think I'm crazy, because this is who I am. I think what you do to protect your friends from your job is admirable but, it's scary too… because I'm pretty sure Roy-boy has no idea that you want me to go and destroy the men who hurt Baby Edward, right?"

"No."

"Ah… sad to say that you won't even give a shit."

"It's not sad at all, Copplestone. You see, when my family is involved –and I include my military family in that family- then I get a little… _irate_ with people who mess with my family. Edward is like a son to Roy and Roy is like a brother to me. He's part of my family and I make sure that those who mess with them, get what they deserve."

Beje grinned. "Well then, I guess I'll just have to stay on your good side, yeah?"

"So far you have nothing to worry about."

"Hmm…"

"Get it done, Copplestone, and save a couple of kids while you're at it. You'll be hero."

"Well gee, Stubbles, awards, metals, _and_ being a hero? You're stroking my ego mighty hard. I do it for the kids and no one else."

"Good. Then you and I are on the same page."

Maes hung up the phone and leaned against the glass for a moment. He didn't like doing this, being the one to cause the harm, but he loved his family and _nobody_ fucked with family.

* * *

 **maes is pulling some roy stuff with his military calls and stuff haha. and can anyone guess now what it is that copplestone has? there are clues in there so... anyway, it was hard to do ed because he's still getting over emotional trauma and stuff but he's back to normal-ish. he won't be himself, that's for sure... *sigh* i try**


	18. Chapter 18

**it's a little short but i think you guys will forgive me towards the end**

* * *

Roy put his hand on the door of headquarters and then took it off.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"You don't have to keep asking that every time we go somewhere." Edward grumbled.

"Sorry, it's just I'm afraid that anything could make you hide away again. PTSD is a serious matter and anything could trigger it. I would like to keep your mentality intact as long as possible."

Edward smiled. "I know, Colonel, but you'll know if it's getting to me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'd let you know."

Roy nodded, trusting Edward's own assumptions, and opened the door to headquarters. They went down the hallway to the elevator and up to the floor where Roy's personnel were. When the door opened, they were greeted by Major Armstrong. Edward immediately grabbed hold of Roy's leg and Roy took on a defensive demeanor.

"Welcome back, Edward Elric! I've heard so much of your journey!"

"Major, please calm down!" Roy growled. "He's better than he was but you're over-confident boisterous attitude will just scare the hell out of him."

Armstrong put his shirt back on and nodded, glitter still shining around him.

"Yes, I understand. I should have been more aware of poor Edward's mental state."

Edward made a face at that and looked up at Roy. He shrugged and quickly removed his subordinate from the over-affectionate major.

"Why does it feel like everyone thinks I had a mental break down and just got back from the clinic?"

"Because technically you did."

Edward didn't really like that but he figured that was a pretty apt way of putting it.

* * *

 _"What pretty golden hair. I've never seen Amestrian hair look like this. It's like liquid gold! We'll get a high price on him in Xing."_

 _"You really think so? Look at him. He's practically a vegetable." The man said, kicking Edward as he mumbled on his side on the ground._

 _"That's the best selling point. He's so fucked up in the head that he'll just do whatever they tell him to do. I mean, a mindless, golden haired boy who won't put up a fight? How could they **not** want this?!_

* * *

"Edward." He looked up at Roy. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah…" he said, looking down. "Yeah…"

Roy hoped he was alright but opened the door to his office.

"Welcome back!" everyone yelled and Fuery popped a streamer.

Edward smiled as the streamers fell on him, although Roy frowned.

"I hope you're cleaning up the mess." He grumbled.

"Lighten up, Colonel." Havoc said, his cigarette dangling from his lip. "Chief's back and everything is back to normal."

Edward looked downcast. _Al's not here…_

* * *

 _"Welcome back, Brother!"_

* * *

Edward looked but it was just a voice in his head.

Al was gone… there was nothing to change that.

"We got you a cake for your return." Riza said, coming from the Colonel's office with a cake.

She knelt in front of him while he read what the icing said. "It's been a long road, but you finally made it. Welcome Back!" He looked up at her as she smiled softly. He rushed to her and wrapped his arms around her neck.

Riza moved the cake just in time to catch Edward before he smashed straight into the cake. Breda obliged himself to take it from her.

"Thank you…" he said in her ear.

"For what?"

"For seeing me… If you hadn't seen me that day… if… if you hadn't tried to get me…"

Riza smiled and held him close to her.

"I wish I could have grabbed you then. I wish you didn't have to through what you did and wait for *so* long."

Someone knocked on the door and Maes walked in.

"Hey, I hear someone's come back to us."

Edward turned from Riza's shoulder and smiled at Maes.

"Good to see you back to normal, Ed. Somewhat, at least."

"Where is Copplestone? I thought he might want to see Edward in recovery."

"He's… doing some business for me."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, in regards to the serum to get Ed's body back to normal."

"Ah, I see."

"He should be done soon."

Roy nodded as Edward celebrated his return with Roy's crew, for a few blissful hours, forgetting everything.

* * *

Roy woke up to screaming and he practically fell out of bed. He ran out of his room and met Maes in the hallway.

"What the hell was that?"

"I don't know. I think it's Ed."

They thundered to where Edward was sleeping but didn't find him on the couch. Roy looked around, trying to find where Edward had disappeared to as Maes did the same thing.

"Roy, I found him." He said, kneeling down in a corner.

Roy walked over and saw Edward shivering under a blanket, scrunched up in the corner as much as he could go. He reached out and touched him but he cried out and began to shake even more.

"Fullmetal, it's me; it's Roy."

"Stop hurting him! Please don't hurt him anymore!" Edward screamed, his voice full of fear and sorrow and tears.

"Hurt who?" Maes asked calmly.

"My brother! Please! Please, just leave him alone! He didn't do anything! Take me instead! Just stop… stop torturing his soul…"

Roy and Maes looked at each other and Roy pulled the blanket from Edward's face. His face was stained with tears, his eyes red and puffy.

"Fullmetal, look at me… Hey, it's me…"

Edward looked up slowly and within his delirium he recognized Roy. He got up and slammed into his superior, trembling.

"Tell them to stop torturing his soul…" he whimpered.

"Tell who?"

"Those people… why did are they hurting Al? Al didn't do anything to them so why would they just… just…"

Maes touched Edward's back softly.

"Ed, Al's gone. They're not torturing him anymore. He's at peace."

"They scratched him out of existence like he was nothing! I couldn't save him! I tried so hard but I couldn't save him and they stabbed and stabbed and STABBED and he was screaming for me to save him! I couldn't do it! I COULDN'T DO IT!" he keened as his tears overtook him and he sobbed into Roy's shoulder.

Roy wanted to cry too, not knowing a lot of details about what exactly had happened to Al. He knew what he had seen when he got there; the breastplate pried open like he was a can of soup and the slash and stab markings where the blood seal was let Roy know that his death was anything but peaceful. His blood boiled at the men who did this, who made Edward _watch_.

"We'll make sure to find those men and avenge Alphonse. You did everything you could for him and he deserved better than to be at the mercy of those horrible people. We will avenge him."

"Let him sleep with you, Roy. I think it would be the best thing."

Roy nodded and left as Maes waited for Roy's door to close. Once it did Maes grabbed his coat and some slippers and walked outside.

* * *

"Hello?" a sleepy voice answered the phone.

"Copplestone, it's me."

"Mmm, Stubbles… What is it?"

"Have you done anything yet?"

"I've been observing the hideout for an opening. Why?"

"So everything is still the same, right?"

"Yeah… why?"

"There is a change in plans."

"Oh?"

"Yes; I want you to fake your way in and find out who it was that raided your little laboratory."

"I can spot him."

"Would he know your face?"

"The leader would but he rotates his posse every couple of months and is usually not there. Why do you ask?"

"I want you to find out who was responsible for the raid on your lab and taking Edward."

"I thought that's what we just did and now I'm here."

"Yes, well, as I said, things have changed. I'm coming down there with you."

There was silence. "What'd I do?"

"This has absolutely nothing to do with you. This is about the man who killed Alphonse."

Copplestone grinned, leaning back into his pillow.

"Ah, _now_ we're getting somewhere."

"Find out as much details as you can about what he did. Every embellishment, every exaggeration. In fact, coax him into exaggerating as flamboyantly as he can about the accomplishment over Alphonse's death."

"Why? You need it for your records?"

"None of this is on record. What you will be doing is going to be a 'strange coincidence' in regards to the multitude of them… except that man."

"So you want me to use this that you gave me for everyone else except the one who killed the metal kid, right?"

"Precisely."

"So… why do you need to know what that guys says and why should he elaborate?"

Maes took off his glasses and twirled them in his fingertips as a cruel smile spread across his face.

"I want to be sure he gets his just desserts. I want to reenact every stab, every slash, every word, and every gesture. I want to watch his blood soak the earth and I want to watch the life fade from his eyes. I want to hear his screams and I want to smile as he goes limp under my blade. I want to be an alchemist for once in my life and deliver a beautiful dose of equivalent exchange."

Beje chuckled, a menacing grin of his own spreading across his lips.

"Why Lieut. Colonel Hughes, you're making me blush with your sweet talk. I'll be waiting for you and we can paint this motherfucking town red with the blood of our enemies."

* * *

 **things are heating up and someone has pushed maes past the breaking point of his anger. i would not want to meet him in an alley when he was this mad. copplestone is lucky he's on his side... will maes regret it later? meh...**


	19. Chapter 19

**skips around a bit, sorry!**

* * *

"Please have mercy on me! Please!"

"This him?"

Beje walked up and turned his head a little.

"Yeah, this is him. A little more scraggly than when I last saw him but yes, this is him."

"I don't even know you!"

"Of course you do, silly-billy. Remember? You guys usually come and buy off market ammunition and sometimes I've make serums for you."

"Is that why your file has so many 'lost' guns and ammo?" Maes asked.

"That's beside the point, Stubbles." Beje said with a roll of his eyes.

The man on the ground looked at the two men and then narrowed his eyes at Beje.

"I ain't never seen you before."

Beje made a face and looked at Maes, who frowned.

"Beje, you still have your disguise on. You idiot."

"Oh! That makes sense. Can't get out of character too well…" he said, taking off his mustache and rustling up his hair. "That better?"

"Wait, yeah! Yeah, I know you."

"Do you remember these two?" Maes asked, pulling out a picture of Edward and Al.

The man looked at the picture for a second and smiled.

"Yeah, I remember that priceless treasure. The best sale we ever made-"

Beje punched the man in the face as Maes looked at him.

"Necessary?"

"I don't like hearing this piece of shit talk about selling a child like he was selling jewelry. Edward or not, it pisses me off."

"It's a business!" the guy growled. "What do you think black marketing _is_? We sell what we can sell to the highest bidder and then find more things to sell. We get a really good price for Amestrian children that we sell to Xing."

"You sell them to _whore houses_ and make them do deplorable things to adults there!" Maes growled, grabbing the man by the hair. "Selling children is not only _illegal_ but also morally wrong. Selling them to places of sexual pleasure for the sick minds of older men and boys? What kind of monster _are_ you?!"

"Whatever they do with the merchandise is not my issue. I just sell."

"You are selling _children_!" Beje growled. "How can you live at night knowing that you have just taken a child from its family and sold it off to a place it doesn't know, people it doesn't know?! How can you just do that?!"

"I have no heart." The man said with a small grin. He pointed to the picture. "I remember that armored kid though. He screamed like a bitch."

Beje reared back to punch the man but Maes stopped him.

"No… let's hear what the gentlemen has to say."

Beje looked at him like he was crazy.

"Are you insane?"

"Nope. Tell me, how did you know how the blood seal worked?"

"We kidnap a lot of kids that practice alchemy and such and we started learning a little here and there. We weren't very good at it but our boss told us that knowing about it may help us in the long run. And boy did it this time!"

"I see… so you knew what the blood seal was?"

"Yes."

"So… what was it like? Was it fun for you? Doing what you did?" Maes asked, giving a small smile.

Beje was in shock and just kept staring at Maes, wondering if Maes was really who he said he was.

The man smiled and became very relaxed.

"Hell yeah! Not to sound demented, but I've always wondered what it would be like to kill a person. I wouldn't necessarily go and do that but the thought has crossed my mind. Even though that suit of armor wasn't really a person, it was fun to hear him scream. It's always fun to hear them scream, it lets you know that you're in control."

Beje made a face. "Wait… what do you think the blood seal is?"

"It makes it where you can control objects and make them come to life. I didn't think someone would actually make a suit of armor their brother and act like it was so real!" the guy said, laughing.

Beje looked at Maes, who was just watching the man calmly. Beje realized that Maes wasn't being passive or being odd: he was waiting.

"I see… so you think that a blood seal is something an alchemist does to animate inanimate objects and move them to their whim? Like a puppet?"

"Yeah."

"I see."

Maes turned around and Beje watched him for a second as the guy on the ground did as well.

"So are you going to let me go? Was this all reall-" He looked down and saw a push knife in his chest. "Wh- what..."

"Don't worry. They aren't very long, so it won't hurt you that badly. No punctured heart or lung but… I've got more…" he said, fanning them out, missing one. He then grabbed a hold of the man's hair and made him look at him. "And I'm just getting started because what you thought was a little innocent seal was nothing of the case. You killed an innocent little boy in cold blood, whether it was visible to you or _not_. You _murdered_ Edward Elric's little brother and someone who is very close to me. Copplestone told me the whole story of what you did and how you enjoyed it. So now, I'm going to return the favor in a replica of _every tiny detail_ of your story." The man's eyes widened. "I wrote it all down and I know every part of it. And you won't get the luxury of dying soon. I want you to feel _everything_."

* * *

Roy looked around the office and then stuck his head out, looking up and down the halls. He made a face and put his hand under his chin.

"Something bothering you, Colonel?" Riza asked with a bemused expression.

"I haven't seen Hughes since the small party for Edward. It's been days and he hasn't called me once about his wife and kid or about the investigation with the men who kidnapped Edward. It's unlike him to just go off and not say anything…"

"Was he supposed to invite you? He _is_ in a different job field and does things you don't."

"That's not the point… You know Hughes; it doesn't matter if he was on assignment, he made it a point to call and harass me about his family."

"Do you miss it?"

"No."

Riza smiled to herself as she sorted out papers at her desk.

"Does Edward know what he's going to do with Alphonse's armor?"

"He's still having some bad memories, so he hasn't been dwelling too much on Alphonse. I'm not going to rush him either. I'd rather him take his time with it and not push himself back into a stupor. I've learned my lesson in trying to make him do something against his mindset… in this situation at least."

"You never are where you need to be at the right time, Colonel."

"What do you mean by that?" he growled.

"If you had just had that mentality from when we initially found Edward, this could have been resolved much quicker and a lot less traumatizing."

"I know that now."

"It's not like this is going to happen again."

"I know, but the memories of what's been done to him, what he's lost, and what he thought will still be there. I know now that I can help him through these issues instead of trying to force him through. You're right and I _should_ have been better through this ordeal but I just wanted him back to normal…"

"You were trying to compensate for not going after him sooner."

Roy turned to her. "What are you, Copplestone?"

"I'm just more observant than you. I always have been."

The phone rang in Roy's office and he walked in, grabbing it.

"Colonel Mustang speaking."

"Did you miss me?"

"Copplestone?"

"Yes, it's me! You're so smart."

"What do you want?"

"Kinda need your help, Roy-boy. See, Stubbles here got a bit uh… homicidal and well… you just have to see."

"Homi…cidal?"

"Nothing too bad. Just a little stabbing and slashing… and slashing and stabbing and a lot of blood… a head…"

"A HEAD?!"

"Whoo, you should have seen that puppy fly."

"What the hell is going on there?!"

Roy could hear someone talking and then arguing.

"Roy, it's me."

"Maes, what's going on? What did he mean?"

"I… *might* have gotten carried away and uh… yeah, you just have to see it."

Roy just had his mouth open in shock and trying to figure out what to say.

"Did… is he saying that you killed someone?"

"Mmm… define 'killed'."

"Are you crazy?! Are you trying to get court-marshaled?!"

"Are _you_ trying to get me court-marshaled? I was told that I had full range to do whatever I pleased in regards to these people. Had full military backing in anything I wanted."

"Pretty sure killing is not on there."

"You didn't see the letter."

Roy sighed, leaning back in his chair as he put his hand over his eyes.

"What do you need me to do?"

"Can't tell you that. This is a military phone."

"What the- You just practically said you murdered someone over this line."

"You drew your own conclusion on that. I never said that and who would believe Copplestone anyway?"

Roy made a face. "Where should I call you?"

* * *

"Can I come?" Edward asked as Roy put his coat on.

"No, I don't think that's a good idea."

"I want to see the man who did this."

"And risk a relapse? Absolutely not."

"That's not your choice, Colonel!"

"It is my choice. You have barely recovered-"

"You keep saying that but you don't know if I have or not. I may have nightmares but that's because I went through hell and back and it's ingrained in my brain. You can't deny me seeing my brother's killer."

"Your cute little boy voice doesn't make you sound any more convincing."

Edward made a face. "I'm stuck in this body until Copplestone comes back and makes a new serum. I can't get any closure with Al until then and I can't try to move on until that. I would like to look at the man who did this."

"What does it matter? He's dead anyway."

"He is?"

"Maes killed him… I think… I don't know."

"Then what's the problem? Let me come."

"No."

"Give me a better answer, Colonel!"

"I can't risk you relapsing-"

"If you hadn't been so fucking slow to come and get me then I wouldn't _be_ this way!"

Roy looked at him as Edward glared back at him.

"You act like it's my fault for getting kidnapped, for having to rewrite my brain so that I wouldn't remember the horrible shit that happened to me, and for doing the only thing I knew how to survive! If you had tried harder to find me and not given up! If you hadn't been wallowing in your self depredation of your sucky sleuthing skills and got off your dumb ass to come and _find me_ , I wouldn't have gone through any of the hell I went through. When I said I lost faith in you, I didn't just say it to say it. I _meant it_.

"I suffered for almost a year of mental and physical torture, things that… that I can't unforget… and you want to say that it's my fault?"

"I never blamed you-"

"But you are. You say things that make it seem like I'm the one who got myself into the situation and then got myself out of it, so I shouldn't do things to relapse. As if I were addicted to something… If it hadn't been for you then I could have buried my brother and gone on with my life a long time ago."

He walked away and Roy looked down at his clothing in the suitcase. He knew in the back of his mind that he was the cause of all of this misfortune but he had pushed it aside, thinking that being there for Edward during his fragile mental state would push it down. Edward was right and unknowingly he was making it seem like it was Edward's fault.

* * *

Roy walked through the rubble of the building and saw that one office was still standing. He could see two men in there and walked to it when he saw the blood… and the body… and the head… Roy made a face and walked to the office. He knocked and waited.

"What color woman do you want?" someone asked from the other side.

"Red."

The door opened and Beje and Maes were there.

"Hey, Roy. Took you long enough.

"What the hell is that out there?"

"Oh, what was left of that guy."

"Did… did you do that?"

"To clarify," Copplestone said. "Maes just slashed him and stabbed him a bunch of times, but his knives weren't that long to do that much damage… I… kind of got carried away and that's where the head thing came in."

"What's going on here?"

"We got a lead about his place so I sent Copplestone here to check it out and verify that what we were suspecting was true. We were right but when I saw Edward had that meltdown and describe what that man had done to poor Al, I couldn't sit back any longer. So, I asked Copplestone to infiltrate this place and find the man who killed Alphonse. Then, I was going to come and avenge Alphonse by way of the same way Al was killed."

"What exactly was going on here?"

"This is apparently the black marketer's headquarters." Beje said. "They did a lot of things here but this place was actually full of children."

Roy looked around. "And… where are they?"

"I took care of that. They are going back home to their parents." Maes said. "I don't know how Beje got through to them but he said most of them were brainwashed. But he helped some of the locked up ones escape and got through to the others."

"Then we blew this building up with some half-alchemy."

"Half alchemy?"

"I was told that we should try to replicate the destruction power of Scar's tattoo as a new demolition type of weapon. They gave me permission to test this out on whatever I needed to and I chose this. Once the children were out, we toppled the place… except that asshole outside."

"We needed him raw and wriggling." Beje said.

Roy looked around and crossed his arms.

"You did all this without even letting me know?"

"Wasn't your jurisdiction."

"It had to do with my subordinate."

"Until you got him back. After that, it's my job as an officer in investigations to investigate the people who did this and find them. I asked for specific clearance on this to do a little more than usual with my revelations and was given the green light. As long as I turned my reports in and got the okay from above to proceed, I could do whatever was necessary."

Roy sighed. "You didn't even let me have a good punch."

Maes smirked as Beje looked around.

"Well… you can still be part of the fun." The two looked at him as he smirked. "Do you think they would know the difference between a pile of dust and a pile of ashes?"

* * *

 **i hated writing for that guy at the beginning. i didn't necessarily want there to be a convo but it happened. i hate making sicko chars like that sometimes...**

 **and technically, edward is right. he's been kind so far but ultimately, roy should have been quicker about everything and ed's had enough**

 **ashes, dust - meh... same difference**

 **also this story is coming to an end very shortly so fair warning!**


	20. Chapter 20

**lots of frumpy ed coming up haha**

* * *

The three men returned to Central and Beje was given permission to start on the counter-serum for Edward's body with his recovered book. Maes and Roy went back to Maes' home but found Riza there with Edward.

"Hawkeye…"

"Sir. How was your journey?"

"It was… oddly satisfying."

Edward looked up at Maes.

"Mustang said you killed the guy who killed Al. Is that right?"

Maes laughed nervously, shooting a glare at Roy.

"I, uh, got a little carried away. You boys mean a lot to me, as if you were my own kids, and so doing that to your brother just threw me over the edge."

Edward gave a small smile and then turned to Roy.

"And what about you? Did you get in on the action?"

Riza looked at him as well.

"I… got to incinerate his remains."

Edward nodded. "Well isn't that just peachy for the two of you."

The two officers looked at him in confusion as he glared something sharper than daggers at the two.

"I suffered so much for so long, the only thing left of Al being the voice in my head, and I didn't even get to avenge him."

"You were still recovering-"

"I've recovered just fine!" he growled, stamping his foot for emphasis.

Riza had to hide her smile because it wasn't supposed to be adorable, but it was.

"What the hell gives you two the right to dictate whether I'm fine or not? Are you doctors? Are you psychiatrists? No! You're just older than I am. That's _it_. You know nothing about me or Al or what we went through. You don't even know the half of the horrors that I had to endure by myself, half dazed and confused and full of false hope and dreams and memories and pain and sorrow and sadness and anything else that could be thought of!" he screamed, tears falling from his anger filled eyes. "Out of everything, the one thing I wanted more than to be rescued, was to see the man who killed Al. I wanted to ask him why he did it. I wanted to understand what possessed him to kill a kid like that! While Al was screaming in pain and screaming for me! Why would he just keep doing what he did?! And then I wanted to break him. I wanted to watch him die… but as it has been through this whole fiasco, _no one_ has asked me what _I_ wanted to do."

"I asked you about Al." Roy offered feebly.

Edward turned to him and if looks could kill, Roy would be dead many times over.

"And you're the worst of them all, _Roy_. You keep acting like you're the victim here when it was me. Why do I have to keep defending myself? Why do I have to look like the whiny child when I have every right to be upset and mad?"

"I'm sorry, Edward…" Maes said, truly sorry. "You're right, we haven't taken into consideration your feelings over what happened _before_ you were taken and _while_ you were taken… but you must understand that when we found you, you were so broken. You were like an expensive mirror that had been shattered into a billion pieces, each piece so delicate that if we touched it the wrong way, it'd shatter more. We had to be so careful with you; we had to make sure you would stay together as we tried to make you whole again. We've been tiptoeing around so much that we didn't stop to realize that you're whole again; fractured, but you can hold your own. We jumped ahead of you… I'm sorry."

Edward wiped his nose and sniffled.

"I know… I'm sorry… I just…"

He finally burst into tears and Roy went to go to him but realized that he had done the same thing again as when Edward had been hidden away. He had taken his own liberties, tried too hard, and he was back where he had started.

He hadn't learned at all.

So he stepped back, literally, and watched the two people who had been able to always comfort Edward before Roy could while Edward was broken do the same thing again now that he was whole.

* * *

A few days went by and Roy drowned himself in his work, trying to avoid Edward or anything about Edward. He was determined to keep out of Edward's way. Every time he was in it, it seemed like he screwed everything up and made Edward mad. _Besides, Edward isn't a kid. He looks like one, but he's been taking care of himself since he was twelve. He doesn't need me and it's not like I'm his father or something._

There was a knock on the door and Roy looked around his paper stack to see Riza sticking her head in.

"May I come in?"

"Yeah."

Riza walked in and stuck a paper on top of a pile.

"Sir, you're being unusually progressive today. Does this have to do with Edward?"

"Fullmetal is not a concern of mine. He really never has been."

"I'll make sure to put that in my mental notes whenever you send someone to spy on him and make sure he's alright."

Roy glanced up at her as she crossed her arms.

"What's going on, Colonel?"

"Can't a man of rank and title do his paperwork without being judged?"

"If you were anyone in this office, I would take that, but you're the laziest colonel here." Roy shrugged, not denying it. "Why are you avoiding him?"

"If he has you and Maes there then what does he need me for?"

"Colonel, is this about when he had that outburst the other day?"

"I'm not someone in his life who can make things better for him. I make them worse. I even did it somehow when I wasn't even there. Actually, that's the whole reason why this happened in the first place. The point is that whenever I try to help, I end up making things ten times worse than they should be. It's best if I just stay out of it all."

Riza went and closed the door she had left open and went around the desk. She leaned on the corner of it.

"He's staying with me for now but you're not the only one he lashes out at. I know that Beje is trying to make that formula but Edward is something to be reckoned with when he gets into a mood and it would be nice if we had Beje to help us out. Maes says it's normal but I think it's something raging behind a calm. He says a lot of things when you're around he would never tell us in a calm setting."

"You mean he tells me the truth and blames me for what happened."

"That's just it, though, _so much_ happened that we can't even comprehend as adults. He's a child, brilliant or not, and true, he's a smaller one than usual, but we'll both agree he's a kid." Roy nodded. "If we can't comprehend the horrors and mental fucks that Edward has gone through, do you really think he can?"

"I guess you make a point… but what does that have to do with me?"

"When he yells at you, he tells us about what happened every time. It may be in teeny tiny pieces, but those pieces will eventually paint the picture we need to understand. He's trying to forget but his mind can't and I can tell he doesn't think any of us will understand him or will just pity him."

Roy leaned on the desk. "So are you wanting me to rile him up just to get information?"

"Of course not. I'm just saying that I think pulling yourself out of the recovering stage is not exactly the best idea."

"Well, why don't you ask Edward what he wants?" Roy said, not mocking Edward's earlier words at all. "At least with that outburst, I realized that jumping the gun with anything regarding this is a stupid thing to do. Ask him what he wants me involved."

Riza sighed and nodded. "Alright then."

* * *

"No."

Riza blinked a little.

"You… don't?"

"No."

"May I ask why?"

"Because he hasn't apologized and is, again, making it about him." Edward said, looking back at her from an alchemy book. "I don't want his help. It was his fault it happened it the first place."

"Is this the excuse you're going to continually give?"

"Yes."

"Edward, you're starting to be unreasonable."

"I have a lot of things to do when Copplestone finally fixes that serum for me. I have to figure out what exactly I want to do about Al, figure out how to tell my family about what happened and how I failed… I'm gonna leave the military."

"You are? Does the Colonel know this?"

"No. What does it matter? I'll be out of his hair, he'll be out of mine, and the point of getting into the military was to find a way to get Al's body back. Well, the soul is gone too. There's nothing left for me to gain from the military, so I'll go back home."

Riza sighed. "I guess that's your choice…"

"You sound condescending." He grumbled, looking back at the book.

"I'm not, it's just there are so many things left unsaid and scattered about that you should really fix before you leave."

"If you mean with the Colonel, then it's his turn. As usual, he's too slow to realize that."

"Well what exactly do you _want_ , Edward?" Riza asked, finally getting exasperated.

Edward looked up at her in a bit of confusion.

"What?"

"I said what do you want from him? He wants to help and he wants to understand but it seems like whatever he does, you get farther away from him."

"Because that bastard won't just say he was sorry!" he yelled, closing the book.

"Sorry for what?"

Edward didn't say anything for a moment and then finally looked at Riza, his eyes brimming with tears but his jaw was set.

"Sorry for abandoning me."

Riza's eyes widened when she realized what the problem was.

"I see… Edward…" She sighed and sat next to him on the couch. "I know you want him to come to terms with it, but he can't understand what you want until you tell him why you feel that way. He knows you need someone and he would like to be that someone, but he can't help if he doesn't know with what. I know it will be hard for you to do, but you'll have to tell him _exactly_ how you feel."

Edward nodded a little.

* * *

Late that night, Roy got a phone call and picked up the phone.

"Colonel Roy Mustang speaking."

"A-56-60-8-10-D."

Roy sat up straighter. "What?"

"A-56-60-8-10-D. You left me out there when I needed you most… you didn't come for me… you _abandoned me_. Even after what _you_ did, you still play the victim, the father-like figure just trying to get his son-like subordinate. After leaving me to people who could care less whether I was mentally here or not, who did horrible things and _sold me_ ; after having to watch and hear my brother be scratched out of existence and have to carry that for far too long, we must remember that we should feel sorry for you because you can't get close to me. Because whenever you try, I push you away. I push you away because you won't admit to what you did to me. You _forgot_ me. You _abandoned_ me. So I had to give up on you."

Roy breathed in deeply. "Then what do you want from me?"

There was silence and Edward breathed in.

"I don't want to see your face again. I hate you. I don't ever what to hear you, be near you, touch you or know about you. I wish I hadn't remembered you. Because if you can't come to terms with what you did to me, then you're nothing to me anymore. Once I get the serum, I'm leaving the military. This is our goodbye. May your regret will be as deep as mine."

Roy licked his lips slowly. "I only regret not getting to you faster."

"Then I regret that I ever met you. You're useless and not just on rainy days."

The phone clicked and Roy was still holding the receiver, letting the blades stab deeper and deeper into him.

* * *

 **okay, here's what's happening: roy blames himself for letting the elrics go on the mission and what happened with al and all that stuff. he doesn't realize that edward blames him for all the trauma and heartache he went through because roy didn't come after him fast enough. roy should have been right on his case, using every resource he could. instead, he tried for a bit, got nowhere, and ended up drinking his sorrows away. from edward's perspective, it's as if he just gave up and left it to chance. he truly believes that roy abandoned him, was reminded of the issue, and finally came looking for him. he literally just wants roy to admit that he was too slow and that his slothness caused edward's troubles.**

 **but roy will never do that because he can't see it. i hope that made some sense... *sigh***


	21. Chapter 21

Edward and Riza walked into the small place that Beje was conducting his experiment at and knocked on the door. Edward leaned a little into Riza's leg, not feeling very well at the moment. It had been almost a week and half since he called Roy and told him how he really felt about the whole situation. He had expected the response that his superior had given him but was still boiling over the fact that he had been right and it had been done. He knew that Roy was dense when it came to certain things, but Edward had spelled it out so clearly and yet… and yet the man didn't seem to even flinch. He didn't seem to have one iota of a clue about what was going on and how much pain Edward was in.

It wasn't exactly the pain of knowing that Al was gone and what he was supposed to tell Winry or Pinako, it wasn't the pain of knowing he could do nothing to help his brother and it wasn't the pain of having to relive his heart being figuratively ripped from his chest after he heard the last shriek of fear and pain when Alphonse finally 'died'… No, he had come to a draw on those feelings within him about that pain. He couldn't get away and he couldn't get to him; there was nothing he could have done to help his little brother and he would have to live with that every day. Edward decided it was a punishment for the silly taboo he had dragged Alphonse into anyway. He should have lost him then, but luck was kind. Luck was not so kind this time, and Edward knew that this pain was something he had to tuck away and remember to forget. He _deserved_ this pain for his lack of ability to help. This pain was acceptable.

The pain Edward _couldn't_ get rid of, _couldn't_ forget, was the feeling of the man he looked up to so much (even if that bastard didn't know) and that he had left him. He had abandoned Edward to his captors, made him feel like he was going to rescued only to be mocked and proved wrong on all accounts, and the worst part was that Roy didn't even know what he was doing to him. Edward tried to forget it but it stuck so strongly in his mind and it came up at odd occasions. Anything that reminded him of Roy reminded him of his abandonment and an event that had occurred during such a time. It was exhausting to his brain.

* * *

Riza touched the top of Edward's head and noticed that he was a little warm. She didn't say anything as the door finally opened and Beje smiled.

"Hello, Ms. Riza. Hello, Baby Edward." Edward frowned as Copplestone looked at him. "You look beat, kid. What happened?"

"Restless nights…" he grumbled as he moved from under Riza's hand.

"You said you finished the formula?" Riza asked.

"Yes, I have! Come in, come in…"

Beje held the door open to let them in and led them to the back of the small house. A small lab was set up on a tall table and Beje grabbed a vial of orange liquid.

"This will get you back to your normal self. Are you sure you want to go back to being a teen? You're so much cuter this way and you have an extra 8-10 years of life to you."

"Coming from you, Copplestone, that statement doesn't make me want to trust you at all." Riza growled.

Beje grinned. "I would never do anything untoward to a child. As we've seen, I kill them if they do." He turned back to Edward. "Seriously, though, this is your last chance."

"I have to figure out what to do with Al and I promised I would make that decision as soon as I was back to normal. I can't leave him like that anymore. He deserves a proper place… not… in the dark."

Beje nodded. "Fair enough. Now this will be just like the last time. You'll fall asleep from fatigue and when you wake up, you'll be back to your old self."

Edward nodded as Beje took a syringe and filled the empty space with the liquid. He held out his hand and Edward held out his arm. Beje injected the serum into his arm and then wiped the spot with a cotton ball. Edward could almost feel the serum going through his body at mach speed and he became lightheaded. He stumbled backwards into Riza's legs and she caught him, picking him up. He could barely keep his eyes open as he looked up at her.

"Don't tell the Colonel…" he mumbled before he passed out completely.

Riza made a face as Copplestone did the same.

"Why did he say that?" he asked.

"It seems there is still something the Colonel has missed with Edward and he's mad at him."

Beje set his jaw. "How did that guy ever become anything in the military? Seriously, he's a dumbass. A big fat dumbass that can't even see his orders past his face."

Riza sighed. "The Colonel is a good man, Copplestone. Despite his idiocy, he's smart in the matters that matter. True, this matters, but there are people he is much in tune with and those he _thinks_ he's in tune with. Edward is the latter. Both of them are the same in that they hide themselves under layers and layers of a facade. To get by in life, they _cannot_ show their true selves to others, for weakness is something to grab hold of and use against you. Two people who function under facades will never find the truth of the other unless it is told directly. The difference between the two is that Edward can take off the mask, drop the facade… the Colonel can _not_."

Beje shrugged a little. "If you truly think that, then he is _very_ good at his mask."

"How do you mean?"

Beje smirked. "You think that he is acting the way he is because he doesn't want to be seen as weak? So that others can't use Edward against him? No, you think too highly of your superior. Roy-boy is as proud as he is dumb. He doesn't believe he should be blamed for anything. He doesn't understand what Edward is talking about. If he understood, then he would have apologized."

Riza breathed in as Edward did the same in his contentment. Beje leaned against the table, his face becoming very serious.

"Listen, I'm not the child psychiatrist that you all believe I am, but I can tell you that Roy doesn't understand what the big deal is. He focused on himself throughout the whole issue and now that Edward is calling him out on it, he doesn't want to own up. He has forgotten what he has done and nothing will change until he realizes his errors." He pointed to Edward. "You need to get him back to the car. The changes will start soon and you won't be able to hold him."

Riza nodded and left as Beje watched them leave. He rolled his eyes as he went back in.

"I wish I could give a shot to that idiotic military man so he would understand people. God he's an idiot."

* * *

There was a knock on the door and Roy looked up as Havoc walked in with some paperwork.

"Got some more."

"Add it to the pile, Havoc… I'll get to it when I can."

"Sure thing…" He put it on the smaller pile. "Hawkeye called and said that Edward was given the serum by Copplestone and is back to normal. She said the serum makes him sleepy so he's in the bed but his body is back to the way it was."

"Good." he said, reading over a page.

Havoc pulled out a cigarette and lit it up.

"Colonel, what are you doing?"

"Isn't it obvious? I'm doing paperwork-"

"I meant with Edward. You two have been at odds with each other for a while now."

"Oh, that… He called me and said that he didn't want to be near me or anything else that had to do with his five senses so that's what I'm doing."

"You're avoiding him."

"At his request."

"At your _own_ request. You won't take the time to really listen to what he's saying, Colonel. He's trying to tell you something and you keep taking it as something else. When he told you what he did, you _do_ realize I was here in the office, right? I saw you coming out and you looked like someone had run you through. You know you're missing something because if you were so sure of yourself, you wouldn't be so sad."

"Havoc, don't you have other things to do than analyze me?"

"I do but I can't see you like this anymore. All of us have seen you this past year at the lowest of lows and when you found Edward, you were back to normal. Now you're in the lows again and we all know why. You may think you can hide from us, Colonel, but we were taught by the best of superiors how to read other people and we can see you're not your normal self. Fix it, Colonel… for you and Edward's sakes…"

Havoc turned and left as Roy made a face at his second lieutenant. He had picked Havoc because he was easy to get along with, easy to just spill your soul into, but he was pretty ruthless with his information and sifting through what was said to gather that information. _I taught him much more than I should have…_

* * *

Riza knocked on Edward's door but he didn't answer. She opened it and walked inside to look at him and make sure he was alright. He was awake but he seemed in a daze and Riza felt his forehead. She frowned.

"You're burning up…"

"I have to get him safe…" he mumbled.

"Get who safe?"

"Al… I have to save Al's armor and put it to rest."

"You can do that when you're better. I know you feel you've let Alphonse down because you've been gone so long, but he's safe at the Colonel's-"

"He's _not_ safe."

Riza frowned. "What do you mean?"

"The Colonel isn't safe… he can't keep _anyone_ safe. Not Al… not me… not anyone…"

Riza felt his head again and sighed, going to get a thermometer and a wet rag to cool him down. She came back in and noticed he was a little older than he was before. He wasn't his original age, but he was definitely not four or five.

"Open your mouth and let me take your temperature."

He did as told and she stuck the thermometer in his mouth. She then went to the phone and dialed a number.

"City morgue."

"Copplestone, really?"

"Sorry, I've always wanted to do that. What do you want?"

"Edward's got a high fever and seems like he's a little delirious. Is that a symptom of the serum?"

"Yes and no. The fever could be a symptom but depends on how high."

"I'm getting his temperature right now."

"You know he didn't look like he was feeling well when he came here. How has his sleeping been? He mentioned restless nights."

"He's been up before me every morning but he hasn't indicated that he's been having trouble sleeping. He looks like he's perfectly alright when I see him in the morning."

There was silence for a moment.

"When you first got him back, didn't someone say he had some issues sleeping then?"

"It may have been in his file but I think the Colonel told me the doctor we went to said he had a fear of sleeping. But he hasn't had any issues with it for a while."

"Or has he? Now that he's in his right mind, he has a right mind to hide his fears from you."

"Hold on a minute, I need to get the reading for his temperature."

She set the receiver down for a second to go get the reading. Edward was still in a small daze as she took out the thermometer. It read 101º and Riza walked back to the phone.

"His temperature is 101º."

"Yeah, the serum would only raise it to about 99 or so. I would watch him tonight and make sure he either goes to sleep or doesn't have a restless sleep. And why don't you tell your superior what's going on? I mean, does he even care?"

"Of course he cares it's just that… Edward called him and told him to stay away."

Beje fiddled with the line on his end and shook his head.

"I'm pretty sure that's not why he called."

"That's what the Colonel said-"

"Fuck your Colonel!" he growled, having had enough. "I have been telling all of you this for some time now: he's an idiot! The kid didn't call to tell him _just_ to stay away from him. I'm 100% sure that he called to try and explain what he wants from Roy-boy, what he's still brooding over and having nightmares over. I guarantee you that he tried to get that thick headed oaf to understand what was going on and since he is as described, he fucked it up. The only way Edward could even try to go about his life was to keep Roy out of it, but it's not working. His whole mental state is surrounded by Roy's presence.

"I guarantee you that Edward can't sleep because he has nightmares about what happened to him and what happened to his brother. He can't understand why Roy left him and abandoned him. He _wants_ Roy to just tell him why but that block-brained buffoon can't get past his own pity party cloud. He _will not_ accept that he abandoned Edward to those men and caused this whole problem. Edward can't go on like this… Someone needs to knock that son of a bitch in the head and make him understand because the kid will end up in the hospital from stress and illness. You're closest to him, Ms. Riza, so how about guiding that blind fool out of his fog and make him see the damage he has done!"

He slammed the phone down and ran his hands over his face. He looked over at his small lab and sighed.

"I feel so sorry for that poor boy, but I can't fix him. I'm not the one to do that… I pray every night that Roy's eyes will be opened but I guess he's a lost cause… I'm _so_ sorry, Edward…"

* * *

 **as copplestone said, roy just will not admit what he did. he's too stubborn. poor ed is getting sick over the stress and memories and his fear of sleeping is coming back. it was mentioned waaaaaay back when they found him that he had it but it kind of went away and came back.**

 **and beje is so over it. he just wants edward to be okay and he doesn't think it's fair that roy gets to play the victim. if he could i think he'd bash roy against the door frame until he understood haha**


	22. Chapter 22

**this was going to be a bit longer but it would have ruined the flow. this story is almost over! ah!**

* * *

Maes, Riza, Beje, and the rest of Mustang's crew all stood on the platform at the Central station to watch Ed go home. It had been a couple of weeks now and after some slightly unpleasant times at Riza's home, Edward got better and was able to keep his composure. As Edward scanned the friends he had made, he didn't see not a black hair from that asshole. He didn't care and smiled as Maes held out his hand.  
"I'm glad I got to meet you, Edward. You taught me some things and I'm glad you're safe now."  
"What will you do with your life, Chief?" Havoc asked.  
Edward smiled a little. "I don't know… I didn't think this far ahead. I just know that I wanted to get Al back home where he belongs, with our family. After that, who knows? Maybe I'll get into the automail business with Winry or something."  
"She your girlfriend?" Havoc kidded.  
Edward made a face. "N-no…"  
Maes laughed and Riza held out something for him.  
"We've been saving this for you. I don't know how you'll take it but we thought you'd like to have it back."  
Edward took it and untied the string. He opened the box and saw that his red jacket was there, pristine and crisp.  
"I washed it for you. We've had it since you were gone but I didn't want to cause any undo anxiety for you so I wanted to wait until you were better before giving it back. I know you're not exactly the Fullmetal Alchemist anymore on a military standpoint, but it's kind of your signature thing."  
Edward smiled, touching the red fabric with a small smile when he noticed some random stitching in a couple of places.  
"What's this?"  
"Oh, the jacket was a little wont for wear so the- um… I got it sewed back together for you. Just a couple of tears, nothing too much."  
Edward smiled and took it out, letting it unfold. He slung it on and smiled and then he frowned. He couldn't wear this any longer. This was something that held him and Alphonse together as a pair, the only two apprentices of Izumi Curtis… now only one. He took it off and folded it back.  
"Thank you. This means a lot."  
The whistle blew for the train to start leaving and Edward turned to it.  
"Well, that's my ride. Maybe one day I'll stop by and if you guys want to nice vacation from all the noise, come to Risembool."  
They all waved goodbye but Beje walked with him to the edge of the platform.  
"Are you sure him not being here is okay with you, kid?"  
"I don't need that bastard here to have closure."  
Beje lifted an eyebrow. "Your bravado is weak."  
Edward narrowed his eyes at him.  
"You think you know everything about me but you know nothing."  
Beje just laughed. "That's okay, I've been examining you ever since you got back and have been pretty on point with everything, but you're right, I know nothing about you. I don't know anything about the pain you feel about him not being here to see you go at least. I don't see the flash of anger in your eyes every time I mention him. I don't see the anguish you still have and the brave face you put on to keep your mind from falling back into that horrible black pit of despair." Edward stared at him. "You're right. I know nothing about you."  
He stepped back a little as Edward got on the train and then looked out the window at him. He saluted to the kid as the train took off. _I wonder how long he'll last…_

* * *

Roy saw the train leaving the station from his window at headquarters and watched it steam by, Edward with it. He closed his eyes.  
"Goodbye, Fullmetal…" he breathed as he watched it get smaller and smaller.  
He watched it until he couldn't see the smoke anymore and even then, he watched it for about fifteen minutes after it was no longer visible. Edward was gone and he wasn't coming back. He expected to hear someone calling him saying that he was just kidding and that he was going to stay but he knew deep in his heart that Edward was gone for good.  
The door opened, scaring him from his thoughts, and he looked behind him to see Maes coming in.  
"I'm surprised you didn't come."  
"Edward was pretty clear about his avoidance of me. I thought it for the best… How was he?"  
"As good as he could be I guess. He was ready to go and finish his business with Alphonse. He has no idea what to do after that though. He's young, he'll find a career. The military wasn't something a kid like that should have been exposed to anyway."  
"He could have rejected my offer."  
"And give up on finding a way to help his brother? Edward's not the type."  
"You… you don't think he'll try to do the taboo _again_?"  
"I think he's had enough trauma and difficulty to try that again."  
"Yeah."  
"You could have at least called and said goodbye, you know."  
"Maes, I told you, he seemed pretty happy with me not being there for him. I didn't want to do anything to ruin it."  
Maes sighed. "Alright, alright… Copplestone says he still needs you though."  
"Copplestone says a lot of stuff. You two seem pretty chummy."  
"He's a halfway decent guy and I'm trying to help him get off some of those arrest records so he can get a license in child psychology."  
Roy lifted an eyebrow. "You really trust that guy?"  
"Roy, seriously? He wasn't wrong about Edward at any time during his recovery and his love for kids (in the non-creepy way) makes him a perfect person. He's intuitive to a high degree."  
"I guess so…"  
Maes made a face at his friend and sighed, patting him on the shoulder.  
"You should have gone to say goodbye."  
"I'm fine, Hughes." Roy growled.  
Maes put his hands up. "Fine…"  
He left and Roy sighed, going back to doing his paperwork.

* * *

The next day as Roy looked over some reports, his phone rang and he answered it.  
"Colonel Roy Mustang."  
"There's a call from an outside line, would you like to take it?"  
"Who's it from?"  
"East City Hospital."  
Roy made a face. "Yeah, put them through."  
There was a click as the switchboard operator began to switch the lines.  
The door opened and Riza walked in but Roy held his hand up to stop her from talking.  
"Is this Colonel Roy Mustang?"  
"This is he?"  
"This is East City Hospital. There was a train derailing from the tracks heading to Risembool and we have a young man here who has been crying out for you."  
Roy just stared at nothing for a moment.  
"Colonel?"  
"Yes?" he said, still staring at nothing.  
"Do you happen to know who the boy could be? He looks like he's gone through a lot of trauma… he's alright but he's not in his right mind."  
"His right mind?" he said stoically.  
"Yes, he spouts numbers and if anyone goes near him he only says that 'Roy is coming. The Colonel will save me.' After some digging we found out that you were the only colonel that anyone else had heard of with the first name Roy and someone recognized him as an alchemist. Do you know him?"  
"What does he look like?"  
Riza was watching her superior with a slightly confused glare.  
"He's got golden hair and eyes, has an automail arm… kind of short for his age… Did you want to talk to him?"  
"If he wants to talk to me."  
There was a slight commotion and a scream and then someone on the phone.  
"I thought maybe he would talk to-"  
"You have to save me, Roy!" Roy stopped breathing. "They got me again! You have to save me! I'm so scared! DON'T TOUCH ME!"

"I'm sorry, Colonel, but we need to detain him-"  
"Don't!" he suddenly yelled, standing up. "I'm coming. Tell him that I'm coming. Leave him alone and don't _touch_ him."  
"… yes… Alright then…"  
The phone hung up and Roy came from behind his desk.  
"Colonel, what happened? What's going on?"  
"The train derailed and Edward's at East City Hospital."  
"Where are you going?"  
"To find Copplestone."  
"Why?" He didn't answer. "Colonel!"  
"If you're coming, Hawkeye, then I suggest you book it." he sneered as he left headquarters.

* * *

Beje opened the door as Roy pummeled himself in and grabbed him by the neck.  
"Whoa! Hey, what the hell?! Why are you choking me?!"  
"What did you do to Edward while I wasn't there? Huh? What did you do?!"  
"What the hell are you talking about? I said goodbye to the kid like everyone else."  
"You said he was better."  
"Fuck you, Colonel Bastard! I did _not_ say he was better! In no way, shape or form did I indicate that he was _anything close_ to better! For a man of your intelligence and power, you have shown how really dumb you can be! That kid has been crying out to you to fix his soul, per se, and you have done diddly to try!"  
"He told me he wanted me to stay away from him."  
"Because you wouldn't give him what he wanted! He just wants you to apologize for taking so God damned long!"  
"I didn't have a choice! I wanted to move forward but I didn't have a choice."  
"And when has that ever stopped you? Hmm? I've read up on you and I've seen the way you treat your subordinates like family. When has it _ever_ stopped you from going around the system to get what you want?"  
"Plenty of times-"  
"Oh, cut the bullshit! If it's something you want then you'll be a battering ram to get it, damn the consequences. That's what Edward was hoping for and what Edward put his life on the line for: that obstinate, headstrong spirit of yours. He banked on it. And then you didn't pull through and then you didn't even have to balls to at least explain to him what happened and tell him you're sorry?! I wouldn't want to be around you either! Constantly wondering why you failed me, why you won't apologize for leaving me to be fucked up by crazy people… I'd want to stay away from you too."  
As if a veil was finally lifted, Roy suddenly realized what he had done wrong.  
"You mean… he actually thinks I completely abandoned him out there… _on purpose_?"  
"Ding, ding, ding! Carnival master, we have a winner!"  
Roy reached behind him and sat on the couch. Riza watched him from the foyer.  
"I thought he was saying that because of the time…"  
"What are you talking about?" Beje growled.  
"I thought he said I abandoned him because I left him out there for a long time but not because he truly thought that I abandoned him. As in forgot about him, gave up and completely stopped trying…"  
"Didn't you."  
"No!" he snarled, looking at Copplestone. "That's not true!"  
"Then _what_ took you so long?"  
"The Fuhrer wouldn't let me send out anymore men. _He_ said it was a lost cause but I made sure that if any of my men were sent on a mission to look for him, Maes was secretly sending out spies for me under false missions… I looked over the files and went back to that place over and over again, _trying_ to find clues…" He looked at Riza and Beje. "I _never_ abandoned him… I just was at a dead end…"  
Beje walked over to him and leaned forward, steadying himself on the couch arm.  
"Then why didn't you _say_ that."  
"I thought he knew. Ed's always been a smart kid…"  
"Whose mind is as fractured as a broken mirror. Smart kid or not, mental scars never heal over completely, Roy-boy, and the biggest scar of all was the man he wanted to save him the most 'supposedly' abandoned him to horrible people. If you were in his shoes, how would you feel?"  
"Like I should have an explanation."  
Beje moved and collapsed next to Roy on the couch.  
"You wear me out, Roy-boy…" Roy glared at him. "But you finally understand. After all this friggin time, you get it."  
"Sir, didn't you get a call about Edward?"  
Roy jumped up. "Shit, that's right. Sorry about the fuss, Copplestone."  
"It's okay, you just bruised my neck… I'm fine…" The door closed and he made a weird noise between a sigh and a yell. "I should have been paid for all this shit!"

* * *

 **yes, go, be free and finally give that boy a hug or something you dumbass! haha. poor beje, he's like just give me a drink...**


	23. Chapter 23

**the feelings of feels will be here... forewarning...**

* * *

Traveling by train to the nearest stop to East City, as soon as the train pulled into the station, Roy practically tucked and rolled off so he could meet up with the car he had called in from Central. Riza could barely keep up with him as he seemed to glide over the pavement. Roy paid the man who was keeping the car and got in as Riza got in the driver's seat.

"Colonel, is there a way you could-"

"No talking. Get us to the hospital as quickly as you can!" he yelled, breathing heavily from running so fast.

Riza sighed and turned the car on. Roy's leg was going 90 miles an hour as he prepared himself to launch out of the vehicle as soon as the hospital came into view.

"Colonel, don't take this the wrong way but-"

"Lieutenant, I have been in a large confusion ever since Edward was found. I didn't seem to understand anything he was going through, what might be happening in his brain. He tried to forget me because he thought I forgot him, that I left him to those people on _purpose_. _On purpose_ , Lieutenant. That boy thought I _wanted_ him to be used and abused and brainwashed and everything else that happened to him. He has no idea how much I couldn't do in regards to myself, but had others trying their best to help. He deserves an explanation. If he shatters anymore, I will lose him for good. Two days is already too long and I could be too late… again…"

"All I was going to say was that maybe you should stop and get some water before you pass out."

"Oh."

* * *

After traveling as fast as they could to get to East City Hospital, when the hospital came into view, Roy practically tried to jump out of the car but Riza had locked the doors. He glared at her as she made a face at him. Once it stopped, though, he pretty much tore the door off its hinges as he bounded up the steps into the hospital. He slipped on the floor where someone had mopped, but he scrambled back up and practically fell into the nurse's station. The nurse screamed at his slamming into the counter.

"C-Can I help you?" she asked, visibly frazzled.

"I was called in lieu of a boy who was caught in a derailing accident? He's got golden hair and has automail…"

"Oh, yes…"

"Where is he?"

"He's down the hall in Room 68." Roy started running. "Becarefultheyjustmoppeddown-"

"Son of a bitch!" she heard as his feet make a squeak due to the wet floor.

Riza walked in slowly and pointed in the general direction of the noises. The nurses nodded and she walked in that direction with a little more care.

* * *

Roy found Room 68 and finally stopped to breathe for a second. He stared at the doorknob, suddenly overcome with guilt and fear. What if Edward had had only a small relapse and that was it? What if he still didn't want to see him, just the act of being in danger made him think he did? He shook his head. _No, he needs an explanation, whether he wants to or not._ he thought.

He turned the knob and found that it was locked. He frowned at it and tried again.

"Excuse me, who are you?"

Roy looked over at a man in a doctor's jacket watching him curiously.

"I'm Roy Mustang… I was called to come for my son-ub-ordinate. Subordinate." He corrected with a clearing of his throat.

The doctor gave a bemused smile. "You must be Colonel Mustang, then?"

"Yes…"

"You'll need to follow me then. Please don't get upset with the way we had to handle him but he started getting very hysterical."

"Hysterical?" Roy said as he narrowed his eyes at the doctor.

Riza caught up with them and walked in unison as they went down the hallway.

"I can tell he's gone through a lot of trauma at some point but the train wreck caused some physical harm and he was getting hard to control. So we had to… take precautions."

They stopped in front of a door and Roy looked up at it where it was labeled 'supply closet'. He frowned.

"You stuck him in the supply closet?"

"Please don't think us horrible people. We don't have a psychiatric wing and… well…"

"You put him in the supply closet." Roy said with a hint of anger.

"It was the only way to calm him down. He didn't want people looking at him. He seemed like he wanted to hide, so we put him in the supply closet because it's dark and small. He could be seen if he wanted to, or let in whomever he chose. He seemed content in there."

"Or scared half to damn death. You backwoods people need to find a way to get a better doctorate." He growled.

"Colonel. Please." Riza said with a lift of her eyebrow.

He sighed and began to open the door but found it locked.

"That's also why we let him stay here…"

"I think you've done enough." Roy growled.

The doctor nodded and left.

* * *

Roy looked at Riza as the doctor left.

"Can you believe that guy?"

"I can see what he's saying but the reasoning is a little off. I think Edward was just too hard to handle. This hospital doesn't seem equipped for mental patients, staff included."

"Whatever the case, now I've got a kid stuck in the supply closet. How's this supposed to work?"

"Knock on the door?"

Roy shrugged. It was a start. He knocked on the door and waited for a second.

"Go away." He heard softly from the other side.

"Edward, it's me. It's Roy; I've come to take you home."

There was silence and Roy could hear Edward moving around in there.

"You're not real…"

"Of course I'm real…"

"You're not a real Roy… you're a fake…"

"Did someone tell you that?"

"I just know it."

Roy knelt down. "How do you know?"

Edward didn't say anything and Roy turned around, sitting with his back to the door.

"Roy abandoned me." Edward finally said. "He never came."

"That's not true. I never abandoned you."

"You're lying!" he yelled, and Roy could tell he was crying. "You left me out there… you… you never came to find me."

"I couldn't. Believe me, Edward, it's not because I didn't want to, it's because I physically couldn't do it. The Fuhrer told me that I couldn't use my men anymore to look for you and that I couldn't look for you either. Too much work to do. But that doesn't mean I stopped. I couldn't go out personally and search for you, but Hughes helped by sending people under false missions, when my men had true missions I told them to also scour for you… when I was off duty, I would scour Copplestone's file and go back to that house over and over again, trying to find clues."

"I left you a clue."

"I was worried about you, Ed… I wasn't thinking straight because I hadn't slept in months."

"I don't believe you."

Roy leaned his head back on the door.

"What would make you believe me?"

"Just say you're sorry!" Edward wailed. "You left me out there and you abandoned me and just… just say you're sorry!"

"I can't do that."

" _WHY_?!"

Roy smiled a little. "Because then I would be saying that I abandoned you."

"Because you did!"

"No, I didn't." he said softly.

He choked back his own tears, trying not to let Edward's waning faith in him get to him. He could pull Edward from this. He knew he could.

"How could I abandon someone who is like a son to me? How could I forget my youngest subordinate? I'm so sorry that you _thought_ I forgot you, but there's no way on this green earth that I could ever do that, Edward. I know from your perspective it seemed like I had given up completely, that I had left you to those horrible people and didn't even care, but I did. God, I prayed every night that you would be alright and safe. If I had had the ability to do so, I would have taken all my time and energy to go out myself and search high and low, in every city and town, but I couldn't. The powers that be wouldn't allow that luxury, but I never ever forgot you. Finding you was always on my mind, trying to find new ways to go around the Fuhrer's order… ducking guards in secure sections of Central to look into files… I could have been court marshaled so many times for what I've done for you."

Edward said nothing and Roy realized that no matter what he said, in Edward's eyes, he was abandoned and left for dead. Roy wiped the silent tears that had escaped and stood up.

"But I understand how you feel. If I were in your shoes and it took my friends and someone I relied on almost a year and a half to find me while I endured horrible traumas one after the other, the thought of my brother dying in front of me always in my head… I would hate me too. I'm sorry, Fullmetal. I'm sorry I abandoned you. I'll leave some money at the front and when you're ready to come out, have them take you to Resembool. It's not much farther from here."

Roy sniffled a little and began to walk away, Riza in tow.

"Sir… was that wise?"

"It's all I can do, Hawkeye. He doesn't believe me." He cleared his throat and wiped his face, going back to his regular demeanor. "I've done far too much damage to try and fix it now."

Riza nodded as they both left.

* * *

Edward hugged himself in the supply closet. He wanted to see Roy but he didn't at the same time. He was in a lot of pain from the train wreck and to make matters worse, Alphonse's armor was buried in the locomotive and Edward didn't have the strength to transmute him out of it. He was only taking back a shell. He didn't know what he was going to do with his life now. He could never fit back in to society with his mind the way it was. Even a crash that had nothing to do with his past experiences turned him into a sniveling child, crying out for a man who would never come… only this time he _did_ come. He had called and Roy came to his rescue.

Edward moved his flesh arm and winced at his shoulder. It was most likely dislocated and he had a lot of bruises on him. He wasn't strong like he used to be, he wasn't mentally capable of dealing with things like he once could. Those men had broken him in more ways than one… He needed help and encouragement, not pity like he knew he'd get from Winry and Pinako. They'd try to help, but when he'd turn from them, he knew they would only pity him.

He needed someone to save him.

"Save me…" he whispered. "Save me!"

He opened the door, but Roy was gone. He panicked and ran.

* * *

As Roy started getting into the car, he thought he heard something. He stopped and looked as the hospital doors burst open and Edward stopped at the top of the stairs going up to the hospital. Roy walked to the bottom as Edward collapsed on his knees.

"Save me! Save me, Roy! Please don't leave me! Don't abandon me again! Please don't go… I'm so broken and I can't fix myself anymore... I don't know what to do..." he sobbed into his hands.

Roy walked up a couple of steps as Edward looked up at him.

"It's alright, Fullmetal. I won't ever leave you if you don't want me to." He held out his hand. "I'm here to save you."

Edward stood up and ran down the stairs, jumping into Roy's outstretched arms. The older man caught him confidently as Edward sobbed into his clothing.

"I've got you… I found you and I won't let you go… I've got you.." Roy said, hugging Edward close.

* * *

 **that last part is supposed to kind of be in slow mo. and yall, i've been spelling resembool wrong this whole time. why didn't you tell me?  
**

 **anyway, there is one more chapter and then this story is done! it's been so nice to see all the comments and support for this story. seriously, if not for all of you guys having such a great interest in it and your encouraging comments, i don't think it would have been possible. so, look for an epilogue soon and many thanks!**


	24. Epilogue

**MANY MONTHS LATER**

"Our next soldier has… well, he's gone above and beyond what anyone could think of. True, he creeps some of us out and he has an affinity for children that borders on the odd, but sometimes we must put away the antics and look at the man. Sergeant Beje Copplestone…"

Beje got up from the chair behind the man at the podium and walked over to him, standing erect. He really didn't want to be here but Maes had convinced him it would help so he came… if only for the snacks.

"Sergeant Copplestone, as your superior officer, I have to say that I didn't think you had it in you to do the things you've done for us, but you proved me wrong in a big way. At the request of Lieutenant Colonel Hughes, you have been awarded with the AAE Award for your work regarding the disappearance and recovery of Major Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist." He handed him a small trophy" You have also received a rise in ranks at the request of Colonel Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist. You will now be regarded as Second Lieutenant Copplestone from this day forward." He pinned the rank pins to his lapel and added a star to his shoulder. "And last but not least, you have will receive a medal of honor for your intuitive and successful mental faculties that allowed the young alchemist, whom had been lost to us, to return to us safe and working with his mental faculties as a kidnapping and brainwashing victim to get back to normal." He slipped a medal onto the other side of Copplestone's jacket and smiled at him. "As your superior officer, I recognize all of the recognition from the military as well as have the permission from the Fuhrer to bestow these great honors."

Copplestone turned to the audience and they all clapped for him. He heard whistling and turned to see Maes, Roy, Riza, and Edward in the front row on the left. Beje didn't really care about the awards but even his superior had admitted that people thought he was a bit strange. He liked kids because they had no bias and loved to be taught, adults were not that way. But today, he decided to live in the glory of recognition and for once, was shy about it.

Once the clapping stopped, Beje's superior officer moved his hands to get the crowd to settle down as Beje went to sit back down.

"Just a minute Second Lieutenant." Beje looked back. "There is one more thing we would like to present to you."

 _Geez, Stubbles, if I had known what you said was really true then I would have prepared!_ he growled in his mind as he stood next to the podium again.

"Gentlemen?"

Beje looked and saw Maes and Roy stand up and walked onto the stage.

"You've been working hard and we know you thought you could hide it from us, but asked and you earned this." They opened up a box and Beje looked inside. He looked back at them and for the first time in his life, he wanted to cry. "Your instructor said that you were the best he had ever taught. Congratulations, you are a certified child psychiatrist and psychologist." Maes said with a big grin.

"Seems your gift allowed you to be proficient at both and you passed with flying colors." Roy added. "The fastest they'd ever encountered. Well done."

Beje was speechless as he just reached into the box and grabbed the plaque. It was engraved with his new title and beside it was a rolled up certificate.

"It's real, right?" was all he could get out.

The two men chuckled. "It's real. You pulled through, Copplestone."

Beje laughed and then lifted the plaque up in the air. Everyone clapped again and the ceremony went into its closing announcements.

* * *

Beje went into his little home and crashed onto the couch. Being so grateful for all the gifts he had been given was exhausting, especially because he didn't want them. Sure, he was happy about the plaque and certificate, but that was literally all he cared about. He tore off his jacket and took off the medal, throwing it in a decorative vase, and slung the folder that held all of his ranking paperwork in it.

There was a knock at the door and he growled because he didn't want to be bothered again but opened the door. He was surprised to find Edward… and only Edward.

"Edward…"

"May I come in?"

"I guess…"

He let him in and Edward looked around a little bit. Beje waited for him to talk and Edward watched him for a moment.

"Is there something you needed?" Beje asked after they stared at each other.

"Yeah…" Edward reached into his pocket. "Explain this to me."

He handed the small paper to Beje and he looked at it. His eyes widened and Edward turned his head at it.

"Where did you find this?"

"I've had it… Apparently it got crumbled deep in my pockets, but I've had it since the beginning."

Beje looked at the paper and at Edward, but the boy didn't seem angry or that he was plotting.

"What are you going to do about it? Ruin me?"

"No. If I wanted to ruin you, I would have given it the Colonel. I also know that you tried to take it back and that's where everything went to hell. I was there, I remember… I don't remember how I got a hold of it but I thought it best I give it to you. I have nothing against you, Copplestone, honestly, and it's not to blackmail you… but I thought that you would want it to remember what you caused… even though you didn't start it."

Beje looked at the piece of paper and nodded.

"You're a pretty good judge of character."

"With a suit of armor for a brother, you start to notice things better since it can't give off emotions as well as you'd think. That being said, I even have a small frame for it." He pulled out a small frame but it was made of an odd metal. "I made this from Al's armor…"

"I thought you were going home with it? Bury it and the like."

"I was… but then the train crash dented and destroyed half of it. All that was salvageable was his helmet, which I keep with me at Roy's place, and some of his armor. I decided to give a piece of him to you."

"Why?"

Edward pointed. "To frame that piece of paper…"

Beje smiled and held out his hand.

"This is the only thing I'll frame… I'm so sorry."

"It's in the past and I wish I could change it, but I don't think Truth would like me going back a third time. It'd just kill me for good. I hope you help out a lot of kids, Copplestone. They deserve someone like you, who admits his mistakes and cares to listen."

"Thank you."

Edward nodded. "That's all I came to do. The Colonel and everyone is waiting for you at the party."

"I'll be there shortly. I needed to deflate my ego."

Edward chuckled. "I'll let them know."

Beje smiled as he left and looked at the frame and looked at the paper. He sighed and put the paper in the frame, sticking it on the mantel piece. He stared at the paper and nodded once.

"Never again will I let myself be pulled down to this level. _Never_."

* * *

 _1 golden haired child = $200_

 _\+ alchemy = $100_

 _Total = $300_

 _I, Beje Copplestone, hereby give my consent on the sale within._

* * *

 **surprise! the cause has been found out! but, as edward said, when copplestone realized what he was doing, he tried to take it back and that's what started everything. he's still as good as he is with kids, but he was also covering this up. naughty...  
**

 **and that's the end of this story guys! i love you all and thank you so much for supporting this story.  
**


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